Another Marriage Story
by Addiescrown
Summary: addek one-shots! hopefully you enjoy.
1. Another Marriage Story

_I'm on summer break, so, my brain works in a weird way that is slow but also creative. To the ones who read __Forgiven__, or__Constantly you__: I'm working on updates. I watched that movie that everyone is falling in love with (Probably because Scarjo is pretty amazing) and got pretty inspired to write this. Probably will end up being a fanfic (as it usually happens with my fanfics), but right now it's just a one shot. I just imagined addek going to the marriage counselor and having to do activities similar as in the movie __Marriage story. _

_This one-shot is really strange to understand, it's based on some sort of mix i made up between season 2 and 3, i needed someone for Addison to share gossip with, so I obviously added Callie to the mix. Hopefully you won't get that confused._

_Also, the first text talks about day 3, you're probably gonna be kinda confused tho… JUST READ AND ENJOY!_

_ps: i added poetry in a part and pls don't copy that bc i actually wrote that myself, so it's my poetry oops._

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

They had one simple thing to do: write the things that they loved the most about each other.

Probably ten years ago this would have been a simple and fun assignment to accomplish, they both noticed this as they worked on their papers. It's not some sort of tesis or complicated trick to solve, but they wish it kind of would. It's hard enough to face this man on his chair who seems to know every answer to every marital problem, which does make Derek feel less confident about this experiment their marriage is going through.

_He's a quack, Addison. _Derek said more than a couple times, maybe too many times. Maybe that many times that Addison is starting to believe so. But they do as the _quack_ requests and write pages about each other.

It feels strange to write so many words and realize they still have value and meaning.

Addison wrote the first twenty lines the third night after their session. She felt cheesy about most of the things she wrote so she kept on throwing paper balls towards the trash can, her office's trash can. Yes, she owns an office now and has plenty of time inside of it when she's not making the interns feel terrorized by her, following her husband, and obviously, cutting and drinking coffee, in and out of the OR.

It's now the tenth ball of paper and the sentence that keeps repeating is: _I love him._

As for Derek? Meanwhile his wife tosses paper into the garbage he rides home and gives Doc his food, brushes his teeth. He finds a medical journal in bed and reads a couple pages until he realizes this is all about obstetrics and he hates himself for even finding it a little entertaining even if the word _placenta _makes him shake a little.

_Obstetrics… Addison! _She's not here, that is clear. The quiet and peaceful space screams _no Addison around._ Unless she got lost in the woods again, but her rented car is not outside either, so she must have gotten back to the hospital. He could call, he could text or ask someone on call if they have seen her. Maybe Richard knows if she's still over there!

No. He better keep his mouth shut.

Derek stands up from bed, looking for a notebook he knows he has somewhere around. Doc, in the other hand, runs around Derek and does not let him walk around in peace, the creature of course wants to have some fun with his human.

"Doc, stop it. Alright?" He says, pointing at the dog with his index finger, "We'll play later." There was no cure to the animal's euphoria, not at all. As soon as he found the notebook he was looking for, he went outside with Doc and grabbed a stick nearby.

He wrote two lines meanwhile he threw the stick to the dog, Doc would run back and forth, entertaining himself. With all the hateful thoughts on his mind it was difficult for him to find things that he actually loved about Addison. I mean, she did sleep with his best friend, so, that was still the main idea on his head.

It's a little chilly outside, but he doesn't really mind. You know who would mind? Addison. She always complains about the cold but surprisingly she always has warm skin. He used to tease her about that back in New York, she could always find something to complain about even if it was only to break the silence.

Derek kind of loved that about her, didn't he? Well, he _loves_ that… except now he realizes she hasn't complained that much lately.

_-Constantly has warm skin._

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Of course he's still up when she comes back to the trailer. Addison parks, noticing how he hides the piece of paper he had on his hands. As she opens the door of her rented car, a happy Doc jumps on her, greeting her happily. "Hey you!" She greets the beast, smiling a little. It's nice to feel wanted.

Addison had nothing against dogs, except their horrible habit to bite and chew whatever they find, (specially her shoes) she was actually very pleasant by Doc and his way of being. As she approaches Derek she feels shy, surprisingly and oddly shy.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey." He says back.

Addison sits next to him on the porch, caressing Doc, "I got paged, the ER. Braxton Hicks." She's not sure why she explains this exactly, it might be because she's not a good friend of awkward silences or because she wants to start a small talk.

"I figured." He nods.

"You figured?" She tries to catch his eyes with her look, but nothing.

"I mean, I figured you were paged." Derek explains. She doesn't know what she expected to be honest, maybe she wanted him to call to the hospital and check if she was fine, but then she remembers all those caring actions vanished as soon as she slept with his best friend.

She sighs, "You were writing the list, weren't you?" Breaking the silence again. The wind feels cool on her bare neck, and she wishes she would have not left her coat at the trailer when she was paged. So many regrets.

Derek nodded, looking down at Doc, who seems pleased by Addison's hands. "Did you start yours?"

"Kind of… I'm very sorry for all those trees." She laughs a little at this.

"How many pages have you written?" Derek looks a little surprised, he knows Addison can be exaggerated, but this is the new Addison, the _Addison who flew all the way to a rainy place that ruins her hair to be around him._

"Like one hundred and twenty four? How many pages does an office pack contain?" She does that thing, tucks a strand of hair behind her ears and fights a sad smile.

"A hundred."

"Then a hundred."

"Is it a joke?" He catches her looking at him.

"I tossed ninety-nine pages to the garbage."

Now he nods and doesn't hide his smile, "That makes more sense."

"I have two sentences." She states.

"I have one." He says, maybe that will make her feel better and less insecure about her list, unless she feels less loved by him.

"Well, at least we've started it." She says.

"Yeah." He says, "We're not supposed to read each other's, right?"

"No, we're not."

"Good." He says, as he caresses Doc's fur and touches her hand by accident. To this, the vibe changes, she steps up and walks inside of the trailer, leaving him alone sitting on the porch, petting their guest.

Derek wishes things could get better sometimes, he also wishes she could move out of the trailer so he could leave his medical journals inside of here and not have to bother to read Obstetrics ones by mistake, even if it was his fault he didn't check the cover page.

She's tired. It's been a long day. For God's sakes, she's exhausted. Addison flops in bed before she can even get to take her shoes off or anything at all. For her surprise, suddenly she feels someone's touch, her eyes open widely, a little surprised. She fell asleep for less than ten minutes, she is not quite certain of that, but suspects it. Derek is taking her heels off, he looks tired too.

"You don't have to do that." She says with a sleepy voice, apparently she slept longer than just ten minutes, "It's fine, Derek."

"You're tired, I get it."

"But you don't have to do it. I'll do it." She tries to sit up and accidentally collides with Derek's head.

"Ow!" They exclame in unison.

"I'm sorry." She says rubbing her husband's forehead.

"God, Addison." He wants to rub his forehead himself, so he rests one of his hands over hers not realizing. No movement comes from either of them, they look at each other in the eye. She's offering an apologetic smile and he gives her one in return. Her cheeks are a little flushed, she feels far too silly, clumsy even.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." Addison says.

He doesn't know if she's talking about his head, or if she's talking about _everything. _Her sad smile disappears, leaving her with a sad face instead, she looks down, a little terrified of facing him right now. "It was just a mistake." He says.

"Hmm?" She looks up, she did hear him, she just needs to hear that again to know she did not make that up.

"It was a mistake, that we… you know…" He does a gesture with his free hand, talking about their heads crashing. As he stops gesturing, he grabs her hand softly and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Okay."

He was also speaking in two ways, meaning he was sorry their heads hit, but also sorry about what he has pushed her through. Sorry about _everything._

Their faces are a few inches away from each other, that close they can feel each other's breath. There's a delicate shake on their hands, their touch is something they mutually miss.

Addison closes her eyes. Their lips are closer, that is for sure. He presses his lips against hers, it's a simple peck, but for them it's not really.

They know each other too well, this is another kind of peck. That kind of peck that is meaningful of something. Suddenly he deepens the kiss, she breathes against his lips, muttering his name.

She lets him keep kissing her lips, she participates too, but eventually she pulls away and stares into his eyes, a worried expression on her face.

"I… I can't. I'm sorry." Addison says in a soft tone, getting off of the bed and walking into the bathroom.

She closes the door, leaving Derek behind, still sitting in bed, not quite sure of what just happened. He stands up and knocks on the bathrooms door. "Addison…" There is no response, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." she says, sniffing loudly. The door opens and she almost crashes her head against his again, "Um, I'll go have some air." Addison walks passed him and exits the trailer.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_Burke stares at Shepherd, "So… how's counseling going?"_

_Derek shakes his head as he dries his hands before scrubbing in, "You're asking me as a friend or my wife's friend?"_

"_I don't know, you tell me." Burke smiles at this._

"_It's going fine." _

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 1_

As they enter the trailer that night after therapy, she already knows he'll explode soon. "It's stupid, Addison."Ok, too soon. "That's what it is. We're not kids, we're grownups, we shouldn't have to do homework." He says, angrily.

"It's not homework, it's fixing our marriage, Derek!" Addison says, sighing, her hands on her hips as she watches him run his hands through his hair.

"Whatever. I'm a surgeon I don't have time for that." He says, doing gestures with his hands. Addison is still watching him, trying not to roll her eyes.

"You never have time for anything, don't you?" Addison snaps, taking a step closer.

"Well, _if _I had free time, I could have used it to do something else than write a stupid paper."

She cannot keep fighting it, she rolls her eyes and sighs, "It's not like you've been asked to write a book, Derek."

"It's not like I asked for you to sleep with my best friend."

There's a silence. She's clearly hurt, but he doesn't apologize, he only stares with a mixture of frustration and furiousness into her eyes.

"I'm taking a walk." She speaks finally.

Derek is the one rolling his eyes now. "Of course you are."

"Hopefully I'll be back when your attitude improves." With those last words she left the trailer. Doc walked next to her so she felt she wasn't completely alone.

Luckily, she did grab her coat before leaving the trailer, so she didn't have any motives to come back to the trailer in a while, but she also didn't know where to go exactly. She didn't know this land at all, although she at least had boots that knew how to wash from the mud she expected to walk on.

Addison feels like a fool. In which direction should she walk to? Somehow she ended up following Doc to wherever he wanted to go, he once got lost and came back to the trailer perfectly, she could follow him somewhere far enough from Derek and his fisherman dream and come back later.

A Forbes in the middle of the woods being guided by a dog, oh dear God, her mother would laugh at her. Actually anyone could laugh at her, she's wearing high boots and jeans, a comfortable coat that hides a white blouse. Derek used to love that blouse, he said he liked how it looked like when she wore a black bra under it. Derek _used _to say a lot of things.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

His wife left more than twenty minutes ago. She's nowhere near and he knows she doesn't know this place. Suddenly, panic grows on him. What if she's injured? What if she's lost? He calls her cell phone, finding it buzzing inside of her purse. This is just _great_.

He mutters a small _dammit_ and stands up from the bed.

Derek knows Addison, she couldn't have gone too far.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Suddenly she's seeing a bright figure and she's not surrounded by that many trees. The bright figure is the moon reflecting on the lake, a gorgeous lake. She has seen this lake before, but not this close and not at this hours.

There's a big rock nearby, which she uses to sit down and stare at how beautiful it looks like. Doc is smelling the ground and running around meanwhile she stares at so much preciousness with a sad smile on her lips.

They will go through this eventually, right? Most people do. They've been a long time together, and she might have screwed up, but love is always stronger… or at least that's what depressed people say.

She's tired of walking and of overthinking, maybe it's time she comes back to the trailer and goes to bed. She's certainly not in the mood to deal with Derek's rage.

Their counselor said they had to practice on telling each other their feelings, or if something the other said hurt them or made them feel good. Which feels weird. And scary. Scary because she might get yelled at and she knows Derek when he's mad. She knows exactly he's good at snapping and yelling and finding hurtful sentences, he's also good at apologizing, but she doesn't expect any of those.

For her surprise she doesn't see Doc around.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

He's surprised by their dog running back into the trailer. Derek has been out in the porch thinking exactly what to do. Call 911? He's happy as his canine friend approaches shaking his tail energetically.

Addison was with Doc, and he came back alone, so that means she is alone. Alone somewhere.

As to him? God, he was just fine in the trailer, but now he's freaking out. Coat in hand still, he starts walking towards the woods, being strangely leaded by his furry friend, it's like Doc understood his worries somehow and decided to give Derek a hand.. or a paw? Whatever.

As they walked through the old woods, Derek called Addison's name but he didn't find any response or signs of her. She was probably not only worried about herself being lost but also being eaten by some beast or her boots getting ruined. Well, it didn't matter what she was thinking, it only mattered that Derek had to find her before something happened to her.

He's been living not that much time in here to be certain if there's creeps around or bears or pumas or any kind of carnivorous animal that could attack his wife. Jesus Christ, he's worried and pissed at himself for not investigating the creatures that might live in these mountains. Isn't Seattle near California? Isn't the grizzly a symbol on the California flag?

For a moment he's distracted by the sound of an owl. He read a couple of years ago that Seattle had nine owl species, that he was certain. Doc barked and made the owls make another strange sound. The woods were suddenly feeling kind of scary. Then he hears her, a known female voice shouting 'Oh my God!'. She probably heard the bird too and is now creeped out by it.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"Addison?!" Derek yells.

His voice sounds near, she knows it is his husband's voice and she feels relieved about that. Some sort of strange animal noise scared her, she didn't know what to do and she was starting to feel a little chilly, there was some wind against her, making her feel useless about wearing a coat.

"Derek?!"

Doc shows up, running. Behind the dog an exhausted Derek walked quickly. "Thank God, there you are. What were you thinking?! You don't know this land, you could have gotten kidnapped or something." He lectures her a little and approaches her, grabbing her by the small of her back.

They walk slowly together into the woods. "I'm sorry. I just wanted some air, I didn't mean to go this far." She says with a sad tone.

"It's fine just… don't scare the hell out of me again doing something like this." Derek says, sighing. He cared, of course.

She takes a deep breath, turns out some of his old habits haven't vanished completely, "The view was lovely tonight, we could have stayed a little while." She says, just to annoy him hiding a smile he can't see because there's barely enough moonlight to guide them properly.

"Addison, I know it's _lovely _out here, but you're cold. And you were terrified out there."

"How do you even know that?" Addison gives him a questionable look, he may not see her right now but he knows her good enough to know she's making _that_ face.

"I heard you scream, that's how we found you." As _we_ he means their furry friend and himself. He knows she's annoyed because he has always teased her because she could be such a _screamer_, or also that she usually got scared and made a big deal out of it, you could also say _exaggerated,_ yes that was the right word.

They (miraculously) found their way back to the trailer. She flopped on bed as soon as she was inside of the trailer, she took her left boot off as she was still lying on bed. "Ugh." She muttered.

"Your boots are injured?" He asks, teasing her. "Mud disease?"

Immediately after hearing his comment she rolled her eyes and removed the other boot from her right foot. "You're such a comedian, Derek. You're unbelievable, for real." She says, full of sarcasm. She sits on bed and takes off her coat and her blouse.

"Are you trying to seduce me? Did you feel on the verge of death while watching the moon over the lake?"

"I just want to change into pajamas, what's the big deal?" She says annoyed, standing up.

He's holding both of his hand in the air, like he's innocent while being pointed by a gun, "Whatever you say, sweetheart." Doc tilts his head to the side confused meanwhile he lies on the floor near the couch.

"You're really not funny." She said as she unzipped her skirt and caught him staring, "Stop looking at me. I'm not some sort of art exhibition."

"Addison! You enjoyed being watched by my eyes before." He says in a teasing tone she doesn't appreciate.

"Enough." She grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it at him. "Let me undress in peace."

He laughs as her palms hit his strong arms after the pillow flops on the floor. She laughs along. "Stop it, okay?" She says stopping from attacking him.

"Whatever you say, Catherine Deneuve."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 2_

She swallows a bite of salad, "Have you written anything yet?"

"I'm trying to have lunch here, Addison." He rolls his eyes before taking a sip from his water bottle.

"Have you?" She insists.

He shakes his head, "No."

"Me neither." She says, sighing, taking another bite of her salad.

"I thought you started it, you were writing something on your phone last night."

As soon as she swallows, "I was replying emails." Addison says, grabbing her napkin and cleaning her lips, in case there's a tomato seed in there or anything that could make her look stupid in front of the hospital.

"You seemed very busy replying emails." Derek says, taking a bite of his own salad. It's crazy how after all these years they keep ordering the same.

"Just offers I had to decline and advertisements and uninteresting things, usual emails." She says.

"Huh? Offers?"

"I mean, not offers, I meant to say invitation. That's what it was." She explains, grabbing his bottle of water and taking a sip from it.

"Like to some kind of convention?"

"Yeah, in New Jersey next sunday."

He swallows his bite quicker than he wanted, "You declined?!" he sounds surprised, maybe because he knows Addison and she would never decline such invitations.

"Well, yeah. I don't know if you remember Derek, but New Jersey is at the other side of the country." She smiles at him, trying to annoy him or trying to be funny.

He smiles back at her, "You shouldn't have said no."

"We live in Seattle, may I bring you a map too?"

"Oh, so you get to be the comedian?"

"No, I'm just saying… I would have said no either way, even if I wanted to go, you know I hate being jetlag." She says, looking down to her plate of salad. "And I also hate New Jersey."

"I know you do." He knows. "Do you think you'll start your list today?"

She shakes her head, "Not today, today I'm full."

"Full of food or full of work?"

"Both. _And _hair frizz. This weather sucks."

He doesn't look at her right now, he just stares at the right hand holding her fork, moving some lettuce leaves, "It's a nice weather, you love rainy days", Derek breaks the silence.

"Yes, in winter." She says, inhaling sharply, rolling her eyes.

"I think your hair looks nice." He says with no special tone, it's just his bored voice.

"That's because I had to straight it." She sighs, already tired of this day, "Anyway, I gotta go check on Danielle."

Now he's confused, he could swear she had a patient named Nicole at the moment, "Danielle?"

"The triplets mom, remember I told you last night?"

"Oh yes, her." He doesn't remember at all.

"Anyway it's the second time she gets admitted for Braxton Hicks, so I gotta go check her out." She says, standing up and grabbing her tray, "See you later, alright?" Addison asks offering a small smile.

He smiles a bit at her and nods.

Now that he sees she's completely gone, his smile disappears fast. He enjoyed bothering her last night, he enjoyed staring at her attractive self, he even enjoyed a kick from her in the middle of the night meanwhile she was still asleep, he laughed so hard Addison woke up and laughed along even if she wasn't certain of the situation. Geez, he had fun with her.

Even if things were different and their relationship was not the same, he did have fun around her _sometimes. _And then there's days like this… boring, slow, tiring. Days that make you wonder why you haven't gave up yet, you can keep fighting, but the motivations are not as powerful as they could have been in another time.

He's certain of one thing, she's trying. He's trying. But he's not working with a 100%, not like Addison does. He's just receiving the packages that Addison is packing.

Yes, awful metaphor.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"Hey!" The blonde woman walks closer to the neuro attending who is charting meanwhile he drinks coffee, warm coffee, not hot, just warm.

Derek smiles as he usually does, "Hey." His tone is soft and smooth, different from earlier when he was having lunch with Addison.

"Is strange to not be on your services today… How is your day going?"

"Good, slow but good. Apparently people have forgotten about brains for today, just a little. You're not missing anything, Doctor Grey." He replies nicely. It was, a slow day. It was a thinking day for him maybe. "So… You're with Burke today."

"Yeah. Cristina is pissed, they have her working for the vagina squad."

"The- what?!" He laughs a little, taking a sip of coffee.

"I meant to say OB…" Meredith looks down a little embarrassed.

He shakes his head slightly and laughs a little, "I had no idea you guys called it that way." Derek replies.

"We do, but you're not supposed to know that. If anyone asks I didn't say a word."

"It's okay. Oh, do you know Doctor Montgomery - Shepherd's case?"

"Which one? The one with Nicole or Danielle?"

_Yes! THERE WAS A NICOLE._

"Danielle. Nicole is the mom that has a girl with an omphalocele, right?"

"Yes, that's Nicole. Danielle has triplets, two boys and a girl." Meredith explains.

Oh God, he's gone frustrated about his marriage to the point he's asking his ex-mistress about his own wife cases. But Grey doesn't seem to bother and just explains everything, this way he's catched up and has everything to talk about with Addison when they come back _home _after work.

"Thank you, Meredith. Your help is very appreciated." Derek says politely, realizing he sounds like an old librarian talking to a kid that returned a book after a long period of time or something like that.

Meredith Grey nods, still feeling a little awkward around him. She smiles widely at the attending.

Addison surprises the _not_ lovers by clearing her throat, "Hey." She says, directing her tone to Derek who now feels a little alarmed by her, looking upset. "Doctor Grey." The redhead OB/GYN nods towards Meredith.

"Doctor Shepherd." The intern nods back and leaves seconds later, leaving the Shepherds alone.

"So… you were talking to her." Addison says, a little upset, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"I was just asking her about a case Burke is working on." He's lying and hopes Addison didn't notice, he doesn't want to hurt her.

She tilts her head a little, she still has that expression that screams _angry_, "Since when are you so invested in cardiothoracic surgery? You hated it when we were in med school."

"I was just curious about the procedure."

"Really? What was it about?" His wife asks, crossing her arms above her chest, looking at him, expecting an answer.

"Addison…"

"Fine." She says, sighing, walking away.

He follows behind her until he catches her arm, "I was asking about you."

"What?" She looks at him, trying to let her arm free from his strong hand.

"I was asking about _you_." He repeats.

"I mean, why? Why were you asking her about me?"

Thank God there was an on-call room nearby, because he didn't want the whole hospital to hear his cheesy explanation. Addison gasped, exaggerating, for sure. He wasn't holding her too tight, that's for sure.

He left her be free when they were already inside of the on-call room, she was looking pissed, also angry and jealous. Very jealous. "Well?"

"I was asking Meredith about Denise's case." He explains simply. She looks at him oddly, confused.

"You mean Danielle?"

"Yeah, her." He nods, sitting down on a free bed.

"Why were you asking about her? I told you about her, it was a simple case…" His guilty expression says it all, "Oh… you didn't hear me." She looks down at him, he seems to be regretting about not hearing her last night before they fell asleep, she was explaining him why she was so preoccupied.

"I'm sorry. I was distracted."

"By what? And please don't answer with a dirty joke about my body, i'm getting tired of those." Addison says, both hands on her hips. His joking was a thing he had a lost a while ago, it could turn an argument into a fun conversation or in some occasions, sex.

"I was thinking that I missed your birthday." He says, sad tone playing on his voice. Actually it's not sad, it's dry, it's an _i'm sorry _kind of tone. This time he is not lying.

She looks confused again, "You didn't miss my birthday, my birthday is in five months or something."

"I did miss your birthday, three years ago."

"Oh… well, yeah. You were working." She says calmly, sitting next to him.

She can recall that day perfectly, Derek left early that morning and was impossible to find at the hospital, she remembers paging him after lunch time to see if he was available, after all holidays and birthdays are days to spend with your loved ones, if not everyday.

Derek found her on the elevator later that day, he apologized about not kissing her good morning and about not wishing her a happy birthday yet. She said it was fine and he promised trying to leave earlier so they could go to that restaurant she loved accompanied by Savvy and Weiss, maybe Nancy and Amy would join them.

But he didn't show up.

"I'm sorry." Derek says, looking at her shiny blue greenish eyes.

"It's fine, it's past now. Why didn't you say something last night?"

"You seemed very into telling me about your case, I didn't want to stop you." He says, with that charm he has. Her cheeks flush to his words, a small smile on her lips.

She rests an arm on his shoulder, staring at his gorgeous eyes, "Next time stop me, I don't want to talk about things you don't care."

"I did care… I was just…"

"Distracted." She finishes the sentence for him.

"Yeah."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 3_

"_Yeah." she says, sniffing loudly. The door opens and she almost crashes her head against his again, "Um, I'll go have some air." Addison walks passed him and exits the trailer._

He followed behind her, quickly. She wasn't going to get lost in the woods again, not today. Two nights in a row doesn't sound amazing.

"Addison..." He watches her sit down on the porch.

"Don't worry I'm not running away." She says in a small voice, that he can barely listen to her.

"Good." He says, sitting next to her. Addison looks down, trying not to face him. "What happened?"

"We…"

"Almost kissed?"

"We _kissed_." She says, as a matter of fact, they did kiss.

"You don't like my kisses anymore?"

She laughs a little, knowing that's absurd. "No, no. It's not that…" She says, facing him, "You know it's not that."

He notices her glassy eyes and wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer. "Addie, what is it?" Addison allows him to let her rest against his shoulder.

"I don't know, Derek. I'm just… Ugh never mind, let's go back inside." She says, removing her head from his shoulder, shaking her head slightly.

"No, talk to me." He insists.

"I don't feel like talking to you." She starts standing up.

"Addison…" He stands up too.

"What, Derek? I don't feel like talking to you, I'm… I feel weak by you. I'm tired. I don't want to keep working when all you do is watch me burn in flames of regret."

"What?"

"Come on, today? I heard you chat in the hallway."

"Were you spying on me?"

"What?! No. I wanted to go find some labs that were delayed and I heard your voice, so I just stood there." She says, raising her voice, "You shouldn't be yelling at me, I'm not the one who keeps on cheating on my spouse."

"I'm not cheating on you."

"Then what on earth was your twelve year old lover talking about, huh?"

"She was talking about a kiss that happened a couple of days after you showed up. And she was the one who kissed me."

"I've been the whole day wondering what I did wrong to make you do that to me again, I've been nice, have I been a bitch today to you? No, I haven't because I'm trying to be better for you."

"Addison!"

"I lost Nicole's baby today, you and Meredith keep dating, I found Doc eating my pradas this morning and I fell and now I have a bruise on my leg that hurts like hell."

"You could have told me it had been a bad day, I could have told you about Meredith. You didn't ask!"

"I didn't want to tell you anything because I was afraid you weren't going to listen to me." Her rbe is shaky, and her eyes are glassy from holding tears.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 4_

"Addison…" He's sorry. He knows she's hurting. He knows he hasn't been giving his best efforts into their relationship, he knows this, he is certain, but he is also certain he doesn't exactly know why.

He's known Addison for years, decades. He has loved her and hated her in so many different ways it's impossible to say that their relationship is not complicated. A part of him still sees her as the girl who impressed him in front of a stinky cadaver, but another part of him tries to push that sweet thought away and focus on her and Mark on his bed.

Maybe just maybe, he should be thinking about the woman who flew across the country for him, not the one who slept with his best friend.

Now he's looking at her hopeful she'll turn around and stop ignoring him. "Addison." He tries again, stronger tone. She's sitting on bed, her back facing him, she's caressing Doc's fur and is silent.

He gets closer to her. "I apologize." He says, softly.

She sighs a little as she lets his words turn in. "No." She mutters.

"_No_ what? _No_ I can't apologize or _no_ I'm not forgiven?"

"_No _you don't have to. I… I misunderstood the situation."

"Addison…"

She stands up from the bed, "Go back to sleep." She had woken him up ten minutes ago, she sneezed and woke him up immediately, her eyes had swollen eyebags underneath, she wasn't sleeping before.

"That's all I get? You don't talk to me for twelve hours and you just say _go back to sleep_?!"

"It's not like you pay attention when I talk to you, Derek. Why do you protest?!" She rests both of her hands on her hips and doesn't bother to face him yet, she's staring at his hand, expecting to see his wedding band in there, but it's just a naked finger.

He sits up in bed, "Because I want to talk to you and fix this." He says raising his voice a little too much, making her shiver a bit.

By now Addison has started her list again and Derek has written four more sentences. She hates herself for acting like such an ass with Derek, but she always ends up remembering he did the same to her, (avoided her, ignored her, ran away from her… except she's not running away, at least not yet.) it's been a day but she still cannot believe how hard it has been. She realized she had rage towards him, she had sadness inside of her (rage and sadness the table at the attendings lounge and her louboutins had to witness.)

"Talk then. Don't worry, I will hear you, at least _I do_ listen."

"Addison…"

"Talk." She insists, folding her arms, now facing him.

"I apologize for acting like that with you."

"Like what?" She asks, challenging him, basically loving the way his hopeful look turns into an annoyed one.

"Addison…"

She shakes her head slightly with a serious expression on her face, "Like what?!"

"Cut me some slack." He says, looking up to her greenish eyes. He does know she won't give up that easily, his eyes could charm her completely, but she was too pissed. Still he tried.

"I want you to admit it." She says, taking a step closer to the bed.

"I'm sorry I acted like a douchebag with you, you deserve better."

"Good." She nods.

"Am I forgiven yet?"

She laughs, "Of course not."

"Addison!" he looks more than annoyed now.

"Fine, I'll give it a thought." Addison says, sitting on the edge of the bed.

He stands up from bed and sits next to her, "I really am sorry." Now Derek sounds sincere, which scares her a little. Is _her _Derek back?

"You know I forgive you." She's clearly weak, she regrets falling that easy for him, she really does. "_I felt _bad towards your behavior." God, she doesn't like admitting it, to be honest, the assigned homeworks by _the quack _do kind of suck.

"I'm sorry." Derek repeats.

"You've been forgiven."

He smiles at her, content, satisfied maybe. "Good."

"I started my list again." She shares.

"Oh. That's interesting." He says, not really knowing what to reply to that.

"Have you kept working on it?"

"Yeah… I'm probably way behind than you."

'I've written five things now, I keep feeling… stuck." She says, sighing, looking down.

He caresses her shoulder, "You still have a couple more of days, take it easy hun."

"Did you just call me _hun?" _Addison said, facing him, laughing a little, bright smile on her lips. "You know I hated that nickname."

"It was involuntary." He says, his hand falling away from her shoulder, "You're having trouble with you list, huh?"

"Yeah. It's not that I don't know what I love about you… It's just… everything is in past tense."

"How come?"

"Well, we're not supposed to tell each other what we wrote."

"Come on, the quack won't find out."

"I won't tell you, I'm sorry."

"My _feelings _hurt." He says, dramatically.

"Ugh, fine." She sighed.

Derek smiled, "Tell me the past tense crap then."

"I had to re-start it again because I wrote things that we used to do, things that used to make me love you even more."

"Now you lost me." He does look confused.

"I mean, I wrote cook_ed_, help_ed_… words like that. Things you don't do for _or_ with me anymore." She says, sighing harshly.

"What exactly?" He insists, regretting it immediately, knowing the answer would be tricky or sad.

"A lot of things… when you used to attack me with kisses every time I felt down and unhappy about… about anything…"

Derek notices the word _used _in that sentence and he feels that word shouldn't belong into that sentence. For sure, things aren't as they used to be and that does hurt him sometimes. Even if things weren't good before Mark and Meredith, he wishes he could come back to those times, maybe try to… _attack _her with kisses more often.

"...when you used to pour me a drink and hold me when I had a bad day at work… all those times you cooked for me and you would tease me about my horrible cooking skills…"

They both laugh.

"...I wrote about those kind of things. Those kind of moments we used to share and smile about. I wrote about the past." She says, tears forming into her big shiny eyes.

"Oh, Addison…" He muttered.

"Anyway… what did you write?" She forces a cheeky smile, but still her expression shows pure sadness.

"It's confidential."

"Hey!" She smiled, "I shared, now you share." Her glassy eyes seem more 'happy' now.

"Fine." He laughs a little too, happy his joking around would make her cheer up a little, "I wrote that I love your smile, um… the way you snap at me when you're mad, I have to admit you look cute when your cheeks flush when I say something that ends your arguments…"

"Okay, that's not love, that's you being mean."

Derek shook his head, "I also wrote I love how much you care for your patients and… well I better not tell you more."

"Hey! No! I wanna hear it." She says with that squeaky tone she usually adquires.

"You'll hear it on monday." He says calmly.

She shook her head, "Still!"

"Fine, one more." Derek says, allowing himself to surrender to her requests.

"Go on, I'm listening." Addison says.

"I love that you came to Seattle looking for me." There's a giant silence in which he looks into her eyes with a little bit of embarrassment, and she replies with a hopeful look. Yes, he was happy she came back for him, somehow. It was like one of those Nicholas Sparks novels she loved, all romantic and cheesy, even if things weren't exactly that way at first.

"You wrote that?" She asks, touched.

"No… but I might add it."

She laughed softly, "You know what else I love about you?"

"Hmm?" He encourages her to continue.

"I love how you hold me when we're in bed."

"You naughty woman! Did you really write that on your list?!" He says, his eyes a little widen.

"I did." They both laugh at that. _Bed _she totally meant the _dirty stuff_.

"Oh my God, Addison. The quack is going to think we're perverts." Derek says, resting a hand on her lap.

"He is not!" She laughs softly again, "He's probably heard everything by now."

"Ew, Addison!'

"I mean because he's been a marriage counselor for almost twenty years."

He makes a funny face, "How do you even know that?"

"I mean, I did the math once I saw his diplomas hanging on the wall of his office."

"You really are smart, huh?"

"I couldn't help it." She shrugs a little, right now realizing his hand has been on her lap for a while now, she was distracted with the topic of the conversation, that much she didn't feel his warm palm arrive on her skin.

Her eyes darkened a little, look up searching for his.

He kissed her last night and made her feel like an idiot, but he apologized, right?

"Do you still have feelings for her?" Oh crap, she regrets this so fast, incredibly fast.

"I don't know what I feel for her these days, Addison."

"Do you… do you still desire her?"

"Desire her? I've never… well, I don't desire _her… _you on the other hand." He said all playful and charming.

"Hey, you stop that. Your McDreamy looks won't work on me."

"Wasn't I Russell Crowe?" He's flirty, he's fun, he's what she's been missing for some time now.

She reacts to his head getting closer, she looks down, "No, you're Derek my awfully hot husband." She shakes her head a little, holding a laugh.

"I am?" He asked, with his free hand lifting her chin up.

"You're flirting." She smiles softly at him. "You used to flirt."

"No, I _flirt. _That's present, that's now." He says, "You'll add it to the list?"

"Probably. He'll be thrilled to hear you seduced me."

"So it worked?"

"Not really." Addison said playfully, one hand on his jaw, pulling him closer enough their lips collided.

"Ok maybe it did work." She said pulling away.

"Shut up." He almost begged, taking a deep breath before kissing her lips and letting her fall on top of him in bed. She at first felt shy to unite her lips with his, but eventually relaxed and felt right.

"Take off your pants." She said between kisses, kind of gasping for air.

He did as told. It was two in the morning but it was never too late to _do _each other. They turned over, her legs clinging around him. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds before he sucked lightly on the sensitive skin behind her ear, meanwhile his hands took off her buttoned pajama shirt, finding free and warm skin underneath.

Addison stared into his eyes for a moment, she smiled slightly, his desire for her was clear on his look, she knew she was being wanted, she felt good by being wanted. Derek on the other hand felt very attracted to her, he could tell this is the most attracted he has felt for Addison in a long time.

He helped her out of her pajamas, just as she did with the rest of his. There was touching, there was exploring, almost like they were welcoming each other again, just as they did all those years ago for the first time.

They sent each other over the edge, more than once.

They missed each other.

Her moans and gasps for air were all he needed to hear. Their rhythm felt like reminism of all the past years, their hurting and problems vanished for long moments of pleasure. Until they both flopped in bed with smiles on their faces, both trying to catch their breath, neither of them sure if this was good, if this meant healing or if it was a mistake.

Derek got closer to Addison and encouraged her to rest on his chest, they had their doubts about the meaning of this… _reckless _night, but they would have to leave those doubts to think about for later, now they just concentrated on catching their breath and enjoying their closeness. It felt good.

It felt like they were okay.

Like everything was just… _okay_.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 5_

"Busy day?" Callie Torres is usually one of the people that cheer her up, except that she doesn't seem that cheerful today. She sat next to the redhead woman.

"Yeah…" Addison said, sipping her coffee. It's the first time she sits at this bench. It's calm here, you watch people come in and out of the hospital, the wind, the birds, it's sunny today… it feels a little like Manhattan. "I mean, actually not that much. Just a regular day."

She nodded, "Good. You look defeated though." Callie observes.

"I got laid, last night." Addison says with a sigh.

"Good for you!" The orthopedic surgeon sounded cheerful now, "You _did_ sleep with your husband, right?"

"Yes, of course it was with Derek. It just felt… It felt good, but I don't know what it meant."

"If it makes you feel any better he didn't let Grey into his OR today."

"I heard that… do you know what happened?" Addison faces her friend (?) or well, her usual company. She took another sip of her coffee as she expected Callie to reply to her.

Callie nods, "Grey wanted in on Mr. Mulligan surgery, you know the case, right?"

"Yeah, it's a big tumor."

"Yeah well, Derek didn't want anyone in the room with him even if he had already promised Grey in. He yelled at her, it was very dramatic, you know?"

"When Derek gets mad he _really _gets mad." Addison laughs a little at this. "What is up with you?"

Callie talks to her about something Addison doesn't really pay attention to, she just nods and thinks about the gossip Callie just spilled. Derek yelling at Meredith in the middle of the hospital, in front of everyone but her because she was doing a procedure, but still, he did yell and she did get hurt by him. So now Addison wonders if their mind blowing sex last night changed anything into Derek's mind.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"How's Mr. Mulligan?!" Addison asked as she ran into Derek in the hallway. She smiled a little at him, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"He's good, had a small bleeding, but I got it all." He says, running a hand through his hair, he seems a little tired.

"That's great." Addison says supportive.

Derek smiles a little, "How about the triplets mom?"

"Danielle." Addison says.

"Right."

"I managed to deliver her two boys and a girl successfully."

Derek rested his elbow against the nurses' station, "She must have been tired of Braxton Hicks."

"Yes she was. She smiled at me and thanked me with a big smile." Addison said, smiling herself.

"Seems like we both had great days, right?"

"Well the day is not over yet." Addison said, shrugging a little, "Actually I was hoping we could talk."

"About last night?" Derek guessed right.

"About last night." She says, confirming his suspects.

"You think it was boring?"

"Do you?" She asks right away.

"No." His voice sound truthful.

"Good. Me neither." She says, with a small smile that is contagious enough Derek smiles at her too. "I still wanna talk to you 'bout it."

"I still have some paperwork to do, but I'll see you at home, alright?"

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

She goes home, she showers, she takes her list and stares at it, not sure what to write, she waits for him in bed staring at the ceiling.

He gets home, smiley. Cheerful.

"Hungry?" He greets her.

"Yeah, kinda. What do you have in mind?" She asks, standing up from bed.

"Food." He says, taking off his coat.

"Ha-ha you're so funny." She rolls her eyes.

He walks towards her and kisses her cheek, "How about trout?"

"You're not funny." Addison says, biting her upper lip.

"I'm just joking, laugh a little."

"Are you going to cook for me or not?"

"I am. I'm positive we have something in here." He says, turning around and opening a cabinet. "We have pancake mix… We could eat that."

"Derek, it's eleven pm." She tilts her head, "It's not breakfast time."

"We could starve." He says, with a tone that says he's mocking her.

"Okay fine, let's make those pancakes." She gives in, patting his back.

"You wanted to talk." He says, grabbing the pancake mix and looking for a cup.

She stared at him, "I did."

"About sex?" He looks at her for a moment before taking some water out of the refrigerator.

"About… _us_." That seems coherent.

Derek smiles at her, "Something happened with Meredith today." He says in a calm tone as he pours the pancake mix on the cup.

"Yeah?"

He nods, "Derek, I don't think you should be doing that on a cup…"

"Who are you to judge my cooking skills." He teases her, which obligates her to take the past tense out of some thing… he cook_s_ for me and tease_s _me about my horrible cooking skills.

"What happened with Meredith?"

Derek takes a fork out of a drawer. She didn't even know they had a drawer with forks inside of it. She did know about the coffee cups and… well she only knew about them.

"She disrespected me and my wife, not to mention my patient."

"How come?" She's curious as to why she is involved.

Derek pours water into the cup with pancake mix and mixes it with the fork, "She… well, _you_ left a hickey on me."

"Wait, really?!"

"And she saw it somehow, and commented about it in front of my patient and his family."

"That's why you kicked her out of the OR?"

"So, you heard." He says as he keeps mixing, focusing on the thick dough.

Addison moves the collar of his shirt, "Oh God, I did leave a hickey." She feels a little embarrassed.

"It's fine."

"I hadn't done that since med school." They laugh at that, both remembering all those times their faces were filled with embarrassment in front of their attendings.

When they were younger they were savage, creative and fun all the time, they had millions of ideas and they were way more innocent than now. Back then they had barely tasted what the real world was, they were too young and naive to even identify themselves as adults. They were _kids_ who thought they had everything covered, everything figured out.

They did for some time, until the real world started to kick in and things just… changed.

_They _changed.

Suddenly they were workaholics, suddenly they were blind.

Suddenly being _Addison and Derek _wasn't as exciting as it sounded.

"You know who called today?" He asks.

She rests an elbow on the kitchen aisle, looking up to him, "Who?"

"Nancy."

"Oh. I didn't expect that."

"You didn't? Who were you expecting to call me?"

"Maybe Savvy or Weiss." Addison says, her tone sounds heartless, maybe because she's probably stressed.

"You miss New York."

"No. I mean, yeah… I miss them." She says. "Anyway, what did Nancy tell you?" Addison asks. She's been homesick, but she's been trying her best to work things out in this rainy place.

"She lectured me about the ass I am for not taking you back." Derek laughed a little, "You haven't talked to her, huh?"

"No. I've been… ignoring."

"They're your family, you don't have to ignore them."

"You did ignore me though." She says unintentionally, repenting severely.

"Addison…"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude, I just… It just scaped my mouth." Addison apologizes, "It was not my intention."

He doesn't reply he just mixes whatever that is and looks for a pan and cooking oil to finally make these pancakes. She looks at him meanwhile he does so, in silence, he doesn't comment or do anything, he's just… silent.

They eat.

They drink _beer_, something that neither Addison nor Derek have ever taken to accompany a meal, at least not in a very long time.

"Derek." She says his name, expecting him to say something in return, maybe snap at her. She's ready for whatever.

"Addison." Derek sounds sympathetic. Is that something good? "It's fine."

She smiles shyly.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 6_

"Good morning, Abigail!" Addison said, entering the room of her new patient, Abigail Johnson. Addison rarely wore a smile to work since she first got here, but things were starting to change now. She was blonde and had green eyes, always cheerful apparently. "I'm Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd and I'll be the one assisting your case."

"You can call me Abby. I'm sorry, if you don't mind me asking what's your first name?" Abigail asks. She's young, 28 years old as her chart says so.

"It's okay, Abby." She offers a friendly smile, "I'm Addison."

Abby stretches a hand, waiting for Addison to shake it, apparently. The redhead woman walked closer to the bed and shaked hands with her pregnant patient. "I was asking your name because it seems we're going to get to see each other a lot, huh?"

"It's fine, you can ask me whatever you want." Addison says. Maybe that was ultra friendly, she knows she shouldn't get too involved with her patients, she has known the consequences and dealing with them is not… easy.

"You look too young to be a doctor, do I have to google you just to make sure you're trustworthy?" Abigail jokes, smiling brightly at her new doctor.

"I can assure you I'm trustworthy." Addison nods, already loving this new patient of hers, she called her _young _(!).

"You may ask why I'm wearing a candy ring." Abigail says as Addison studies her chart before examining her, she first went in to meet her and create a trust bond, of course, that's usually what she does.

"Oh, I didn't even notice it." Addison says, smiling a little at her, closing her chart just to pay attention to her.

"I know it sounds silly, it's my engagement ring… My fiance, he's a bit of a sweet pie, sometimes he's too sweet." Abby giggles.

Addison nods, "I see."

"Are you married?"

Addison nods, "I am."

"How is it?"

She could say _great_. Or _complicated. It is hard. It's not that easy._

Instead she puts on her best face like her marriage is just fine and says: "Wonderful."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"She came in with a premature detachment of the placenta, and she's sweet and needs to be in bed rest and it's my job to monitor her." Addison shares her case with Callie, who seems to understand.

"Why don't you ask Karev, he's a suckup, right?" Callie says, half joking.

"Of course he is, but she trusts me and I'm afraid I'll have to keep an extra eye on her. You have no idea how bright her eyes are. No idea." Addison says, "I just came in to greet her, it was going to be quick, fifteen minutes maximum, I talked with her for an hour. An _hour_, Callie."

Addison knew captivating people like that, people you could talk to for hours and don't not even bothering to take a pause. Abigail was like this, sort of. Her kindness, sweetness and positivism was all over her face, you could tell she was happy.

You could always tell.

"What's the big deal? You think Derek is gonna get jealous?"

"No, well… maybe? I don't know. She asked me about how marriage is and I said _wonderful_."

Callie shooks her head, "It is wonderful."

"No, it isn't. It's finding each others defects and having to deal with the things you love the most _and _hate the most about each other, you have to listen to the same sweet voice every morning and hope he's not going to get home late again, time passes and you sleep with his best friend…"

"You didn't tell that to your patient, right?" Callie asks sarcastically, raising her eyebrows.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"Do you have any doubts at all?" Addison asks. She finally examined Abby and told her all about her case. Her patient seemed to understand and was willing to wait a couple more weeks in that bed so Addison could perform a c-section and take her baby out.

"No, not at all." Her patient smiled.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door, which makes Addison shiver a little and turn around, "Doctor Shepherd?" Addison looked at Derek with a surprised look on her face.

"Hey, do you need anything?" Addison said in a friendly tone, just not piss off her patient.

"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt." He says, stepping in, incorporating a charming smile.

"It's fine." Abigail cuts in.

"You must be Abigail!" He heard of Addison's case, for sure.

"Call me Abby." The pregnant woman smiled at him.

Addison looks at him expectantly, "Did you need anything?"

"I need to talk to you, actually." Derek says, growing serious.

"Oh, I'll be out in a minute." Addison said, smiling softly at him.

"You're McDreamy, aren't you?" Abigail cuts in again.

Addison makes a big effort not to roll her eyes. "I'll see you right away." Addison says, looking at her husband.

"Nice." He smiled at Addison and turned to Abby, "Great meeting you, Abby."

He left.

"I'll have nurse Rose monitoring you overnight and you can page me for any kid of emergency, alright?"

"Alright." Abby nodded, "He _was_ McDreamy, am I right?"

"Apparently that's how they call him, yes." Addison said, forcing a nice smile.

"He has a charm."

"He does." Now she smiles and can't help it but giggle a little. It's true, her husband has a charm. "The nurses telling you stories to keep you entertained?"

"Not really, just heard a little about him from some young blonde and her asian friend. I mean, I suppose they are friends. They were discussing if the blonde girl still had feelings for McDreamy…"

"Yeah, I'm familiar with the subject."

"The blonde girl seemed upset, she said the charming doctor old her he loved his wife."

"He did?!"

"Yeah." Abigail nodded, "I thought hospital gossip was just cliche."

"Yeah… well… Thank you for that information, Abby. I'll see you tomorrow morning, have a good night." Addison smiled at Abigail and stepped out of the room, finding Derek standing there, just… checking his blackberry.

"Hey… needed to talk?"

"Yes!" He said, leaving his phone on his pocket and walking closer to Addison, "We're going to Joe's and I wanted to know if you wanted to go or if you needed anything."

"God, I thought something serious happened." Addison said, running her hand through her hair, "Let's go, I think I'd use a drink."

They start walking away together.

"Abby seems nice." He says.

Addison shakes her head slightly, "She's too much sunrise for your liking."

"You're a sunshine too!" Derek says, smiling at her.

"Yeah, but she's the kind of sunshine that watched Dora The Explorer as an adult kind of sunshine."

He hisses, "Oh God."

"Yup."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Addison had to listen to Abigail for hours before and couldn't help but think of Derek each time she mentioned her amazing fiance. Addison once had that, an amazing fiance. She had a fairytale.

She remembers their wedding night. She hated her stretch marks, who doesn't? Well, Derek thought they were beautiful and wrote a part of the song to tribute one of her biggest insecurities, but no one ever heard it except for Addison when they found themselves alone and married.

_The shooting stars that never fade away,_

_All over your beautiful self, _

_You have nothing to be ashamed._

When someone you love deeply loves something you don't, it makes you want to love it. Derek loved motorcycles, she loved riding one with him even if she was scared as hell. Derek loved her eyelids and thought they were perfect on her, Addison started to accept her eyelids to the point she truly accepted them. He said her stretch marks were shooting stars that never vanished, she started to hate them less.

Things changed because of their love for each other.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"It was amazing, Preston." Addison says, taking a sip of her martini.

"What was amazing?" Derek asks joining them at the bar, taking a sit next to Addison. "Burke." That's how they greet each other apparently.

"Shepherd." Preston greets back, "We were discussing a procedure."

"Cardio procedure?" Derek seems confused, and a little jealous. He got out a little late, had to check on some patients after he went to find Addison.

Addison nods, all smiley, "Yeah!"

"Your wife told me she used to be pretty interested on cardiothoracic surgery before even considering gynecology." Burke says, sipping his vodka soda.

"_And _neonatal. Oh, _and _fetal surgery." She clarifies. Of course she does. "What took you so long?"

"Had to check on some patients." Derek says, ordering his typical malt scotch. "What are you drinking?" He asked gesturing towards Addison's drink.

"Oh… it's called Martinez. You won't like it, too bitter for your taste."

"I like bitter, I married you."

Preston laughs, of course. "That's going to cost you." Preston said, noticing Addison's serious face.

"I bet you won't like it."

"I bet I will, come on let me try it."

"Ugh fine…" Addison says.

"I would really like to stay and see how your husband makes a face after trying that, but I'm afraid I gotta go." He says as he starts to stand up, putting his coat on.

"No, come on Preston, you just got here." Addison says, her drink on her hand, keeping it far from Derek's access.

The cardiothoracic surgeon shrugs a little, "I'm sorry, we'll talk tomorrow. Good night."

"Good night." Derek says back.

"Sleep well!" Addison raises her voice a little as he goes away.

"I wanna try your… whatever that is."

"Fine." She says, giving the glass to him.

He took a sip and made a weird face that made Addison laugh, "This is awful." He said, giving the glass back to his wife. "How come you drink that?!"

"I told you, didn't I?" She laughs a little more, staring at his disgusted expression. He could be so exaggerated sometimes.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"Hey, Doc!" Addison said cheerfully as she opened the trailer's door, she sat on the floor and caressed the animal's fur, Derek closer the door and joined Addison too.

"Who's a good boy!" Derek said, caressing the animal too.

Maybe they had a couple of extra drinks and will probably hate themselves tomorrow morning. Once back in New York they got so drunk they even sang karaoke in front of complete strangers and Savvy had to go pick them up in the middle of the night. Surprisingly they didn't have sex that night, they just snuggled on the couch and drifted off to sleep.

Doc's tail bounces as the two adults keep on giving him some love, Addison's head drops on Derek's shoulder. They're tired and feel fuzzy. "We should get a kid." She mumbles, Addison chuckles softly.

"_Get_ a kid?" Derek might be drunk but he did hear her.

"Yeah."

"From who?" He teases her, just as he did on their way back home, telling her their almost out of gas and that they probably wouldn't make it home, which was a lie but Addison didn't know that at first.

"From us." Addison says, another soft chuckle coming from her lips.

He rests his head on hers, "Oh, that would be fun."

Addison sighs, that kind of sigh that means she's remembering something that disappoints her somehow, "We haven't tried in so long."

"We were busy." He says. He got so used to be saying that word for so many years…

_Mom, we're busy, we're still working on our careers._

_We've thought about children, but we're too busy for that right now._

_If we weren't too busy, we could try again._

"Maybe we should slow down." Addison says after a long silence.

"I haven't even touched you yet." He says, smiling, taking it as joke.

She shakes her head slightly, as much as she can while her head is still resting on his shoulder, "I mean, we should take a sabbatical year or something, no work for some time."

"That would be fun too." He agrees easily, well he's more than just tipsy, "Go to some island could be interesting."

"Drinking champagne sitting on a warm bubble bath 'til dawn." She proposes, finalizing his 'island' idea.

"Until dawn? But your skin would get all… weird."

She giggles, "I wouldn't mind if you're there and a bottle of champagne."

"I guess I wouldn't mind either."

"Okay, and after that we make kids." Addison proposes.

"What if we try to make one now?"

She laughs, "You're drunk!"

"You are too."

"I guess I wouldn't mind that now." She repeats his earlier words and raises her head now facing his wonderful blue eyes.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_day 7_

"Jesus Christ what did we drink last night?" She knew it was going to be this awful when she ordered herself the first drink of the night. Addison is sitting on bed, she's holding the cover up to her breasts, with her other hand she's touching her temple, a headache starting to grow.

"I don't think it matters _what _we ordered, I think it matters how _many_ drinks we ordered." He says sitting up in bed, too. Doc is lying at the end of the bed, tilting their head at his humans. "You look like crap."

"_You _look like crap." She says, looking at him.

He shakes his head, chuckling a bit, "I may not remember what we drank, but I do remember you falling on the floor when you tried to take your skirt off." He laughs.

"That's gonna leave a bruise."

"I think I haven't feel this hungover since…"

"Nancy's 40th birthday party, I know, me neither." She says finishing his sentence, laughing a little. "I swear to God that if Doc did something with my underwear I'll go live at the Archfield permanently." She says as she stands up from bed to reach for her robe.

"You can always get new underwear, you know?"

"I know, I just don't want to."

"You love to go shopping, there's malls in Seattle, people in Seattle wear underwear too."

"Derek, I know that." She says, grabbing her lace panties up from the floor. As she hoped, they don't seem vandalized by the living animal. "What hour is it anyway?"

"Dammit, we're late!" He says standing up from bed as well, "It's 6:34."

Addison is fast and gets inside the shower first.

"That's not fair." Derek raises his voice from the outside of the shower.

"It is for me!" She says back, taking off her robe.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

They make it to the hospital, there's no chaos, nobody is dying, not yet at least. He heads to his office, she heads to her office, everything is fine. Except nothing's that fine, because when Addison finds Richard on her chair, apparently waiting for her, she doesn't feel calm anymore about coming in late.

"Richard. What are you doing here?" She prompts, looking confused. Addison walks in, she knows how not to show her concern about her bosses visit.

"Addison… We need to talk."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

"I'm sorry, what?" Addison is confused and surprised at the same time, "We did drink but I don't remember anything about…"

"Aha!" Richard points a finger at her, "So you admit you were drunk."

"Not _drunk, _just barely tipsy. But I didn't come here last night-"

"Addison, I saw you myself." Richard cutts her off before she can keep talking.

She shakes her head, now remembering. "Oh my god." She did come to the hospital last night, it was when Derek said he forgot his wallet at the locker room and she told him she was going to get that taken care of. O'Malley was near there and had to deal with a very drunk Addison. "Richard…"

"Now you remember?"

"Richard? Why is your intern waiting for me inside of my office?" Derek shows up at Addison's office, George O'Malley behind him, with that innocent face.

"Chief I told him to come as you asked me." The intern says in a small voice.

"You could have paged me, you know?" Derek says, sitting on the chair next to Addison.

Richard shakes his head, "O'Malley, you can go now."

"Yes Sir." The intern said walking away.

"What is this?" Derek mumbles to Addison.

"Apparently we're in trouble." She mumbles back, folding her arms over her chest.

Derek sighs, "What did she do now?"

"What did _I _do now?!" Addison says, surprised by Derek's reaction.

"I didn't do anything."

"Actually you did, Derek." Richard says, serious. "The cameras show how you guys started making out in the middle of the hallway." The chief shakes his head, "That was incredibly unprofessional."

"I'm sorry, Richard, but you must be confused. I did come here last night, for Derek's wallet, but he didn't come over here."

"You must be really hungover."

"Richard, this is ridiculous, there's plenty other people that could have been making out in the middle of the hallway." Derek says, rolling his eyes dramatically. "We were at Joe's the entire time. At least _I was_."

"Don't do that, don't blame this on me."

"I'm not saying anything!" Derek says, holding up both of his hand, like he's innocent.

She does that face at him, the one that says she's getting annoyed, "Well then stop staring at me like I did something bad, you participated too."

"Addison, you don't even remember."

"You don't either, but if that's us, you were there too."

"Maybe you seduced me."

She gasps, "I didn't do such thing!" Addison says raising her voice.

"How do you know? You were drunk, we do stupid things when we're drunk."

"Ha! You used _we _and _we're_. You admit it's your fault too." She points at him with her index finger.

"Addison…"

"What? Do you feel sorry because you know I'm right?"

"Enough, you two." Richard says, his patience scarce.

Their arguing made Richard excuse himself and leave the room, adding an advertance in case anything like what happened would happen again. He leaves The Shepherds in there alone.

Derek shooks his head, "Do you remember making out?"

"I do remember that, but at the trailer, not here." She says, sighing a little.

"Me neither. We must have been so wasted." He laughs a little, running a hand through his curled hairs.

She giggled, "I'm going to get some coffee, want some?"

"Yeah, I need some black coffee." He says, as he is also being affected by a headache. Hangover sucks.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

They drink coffee.

Based on the hospital staff's glances at them, maybe they did make out in that hallway.

They look at each other and try not to laugh.

"And I thought we were done being gossip material." She says, sipping her coffee, walking next to her husband. "Why don't you seem embarrassed?!" She asks, noticing his smirk.

"It's not a big deal."

"It is."

"Addison, Richard has seen us half naked hooking up inside of supply closets, on-call rooms, nurse stations-"

"Okay, Derek. I understood. We have done worst things."

"My point is, you don't need to overthink this, you know. Just relax about it." Derek says, as if it isn't a big deal. Which is kind of true. Addison always worried about what would people think about her or what people would say. "Sometimes you have to chill about somethings."

"Okay _Doctor Phil_, I'll give it a thought. Gotta go check on Abby, see you later before we leave for… therapy." Addison says, still feeling awkward about the fact that they go to therapy, she will probably never get over that, when she married Derek she was too young and happy to imagine being in front of a shrink and sitting next to him on a diminute room.

"Right. We have that today."

"We do. I'll see you at four… the lobby?"

"Yeah, see you."

"Okay, bye." She said, offering a cheek for him to kiss.

He kisses her cheek and starts walking away, "Bye!"

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

Abby's husband is here when she gets to the room.

Well, fiance.

Whatever, the guy that gave her that candy jewel is here, and he's sitting on a chair next to her.

"Oh, Addison, this is Nash, my fiancee." Abigail says with a brilliant smile on her face.

Nash stands up and shakes Addison's hand, "I've heard a lot about you, Doctor Shepherd."

"Nice to finally meet you, Nash." Addison smiles friendly. "So… how are we doing today?"

"We're fine, kind of. I don't want to keep waiting in here…" Abby says, her mood is still cheered up as usual, but she does seem a little tired.

"I know, but we're just waiting one more week so I can perform the c-section…"

"Good. Just a week from now, right?" Nash asks, taking a seat next to Abigail's bed, on a chair of course.

"Yes, seven days." Addison says, reassuring her patient and her fiance, Nash, who looks concerned. "I'll come back in an hour to check on you, alright?"

"Okay, thank you Doctor." It's probably the first time Abby has called Addison '_doctor',_ which means the worry has kicked her, like Addison suspected it was going to happen.

Addison exits her patient's room, walks through the hallway to the elevator and pushes the button to the lobby floor, she needs caffeine. Yes, more caffeine. Her hangover is still present and she feels more than grateful for the existence of makeup and beauty products, knowing she would look like crap otherwise.

She takes a cup of coffee and goes back to her office, she flops on the small couch and sighs.

A knock on the door surprises her.

"Doctor Grey…" Addison was certainly not waiting for the blonde intern to show up at her door.

Meredith has widen eyes, "I need to talk to you."

Addison stands up, still holding her paper cup filled with coffee, "About?"

"Your husband… um… I just need you to know I'm not flirting with him...we… we don't do that anymore." The blonde woman looks so tiny standing in there.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Grey, why are you telling me this?" Addison says, walking towards the coffee table and leaving the paper cup on it.

"Well, Doctor Stevens… she… never mind I just needed to let you know." Grey is about to turn around and walk away, but...

"Meredith… wait." Addison stops her, meeting her eyes.

"Yes?"

"What did Izzie Stevens say?"

"She… she made me realize how bad the situation must have been to you, you know, having to see me around you and your husband and the… Doc…"

"Right." Montgomery nodded.

"So I thought about it."

"And you came here to let me know." Addison says, already knowing that is what happening, but still putting the pieces together in her head.

"Yes, and I came here." Grey seems a little shy.

"Good." The redhead woman nods.

"Okay, good. Um, I gotta go before Doctor Bailey sees me around doing nothing that involves becoming a surgeon."

"Yeah, um, Meredith…."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

The time has come. It's almost the time for them to meet up and drive to the shrink's appointment. Derek is not exactly thrilled about it, but at least there's some excitement in his thoughts, wanting to hear what Addison had written about him.

It's three fifty seven.

Her heels clicking against the floor make her entrance even more dramatic, she looks tired.

He smirks, "Still hangover?"

"Oh, shut up." She says, shaking her head slightly, noticing his teasing tone immediately, "You're hangover too, don't deny it."

He won't deny it.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, are you?" Addison asks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

He nods, "I am." They walk to the parking lot, until they find Derek's car.

"You know who visited my office today?" Addison asks casually.

"Brad Pitt?" Derek jokes.

"No, I wish." She laughs a little as they climb inside his jeep.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

They get to therapy, surprisingly in time, even if there was traffic and some rain drops started to fall. Addison of course volunteers to start first, but Derek also wants to start first, so their… their '_quack'_ lets Derek begin.

"I don't need to start, I mean, I want to but if Addison…"

"It's okay." She says quickly, cutting him off.

"Alright." Derek says, unfolding the paper on his hands.

"What I love about Addison… she makes people feel comfortable about embarrassing things, she has constantly has warm skin. She is caring. She's good at paying attention. She always knows what to do when I argue with my sisters, she's great at making me try to fix things with them." He glances up at their therapist, who looks pleased with himself.

"Is that all?" The quack asks.

"No, not really." He sighs, "I love Addison's smile, um… Her hair is soft, all the time. I love it when she snaps at me when we are arguing or when she is mad, she's so cute when she does that. I love how much she cares for her patients. She's great at finding missing stuff. She came over here looking for me. She's great at nagging me, which I oddly find sexy sometimes, if not annoying. I have fun with her. She's competitive and sensible. Stubborn. She's my personal fashion stylist. Her sarcasm. I love Addison for always being there for me, when I was down and I needed someone to cheer me up and remind me my values." He takes a deep breath.

He looks at her for a second, she seems touched by his words, so he keeps reading, "She's strong. She's the worst at cooking." That makes them both chuckle a little, "She has supported all my dreams. She has those big eyes that calm me down in the worst times. Addison gives great presents, and she never forgets birthdays. She's my favorite person."

"Derek…" Addison says softly, a small smile curling her lips.

"Well, I think that was actually great Derek. What if we hear you now, Addison?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." Addison says, taking the piece of paper out of her purse, taking a deep breathe before starting to read. "What I love about Derek...he's great at multitasking, he can be cooking, feeding the dog, trying to clean the kitchen, all at the same time." (She doesn't mention that he can also be making out with her meanwhile he tries to paint a wall, just like five years ago.) "...he's a great uncle, always knows how to entertain the kids. He's my favorite comedian even if I find it annoying sometimes. He can lie just to make you feel better or less hurt. Derek's the worst at acknowledging his mistakes, but he eventually knows how to accept them. He makes me love parts of myself that I didn't before. I love Derek because he is stubborn, but at least he is less stubborn than I am."

"You didn't just say that!" Derek exclaims from his seat.

"What is it?" The quack asks.

"Addison has never said that before, ever." Derek finds it amusing and funny, even.

"Could you let me finish?" Addison asks, a little irritated.

"Continue." Their therapist says, still with that pleased expression on his face.

"I love Derek because he is smart and the best neurosurgeon I've ever met. He's caring about his patients. It's annoying how much he loves camping and doing boys scout things, but I love to see how he's filled with joy after doing these things. I love how he holds me in bed." They both chuckle, remembering their conversation not too long ago, " when you attack me with kisses every time I feel down and unhappy, when you pour me a drink and hold me…"

They both stare at each other, for some seconds, until she decides to continue.

"I love it when he cooks for me and teases me about my horrible cooking skills… He flirts with me after all these years and he's great at flirting. Derek's a good man, he helps people with stuff, not just inside the hospital, also outside of the hospital. He's a very brave and strong person. He's resilient."

She takes a deep breath, "He's compassionate." She says, remembering that one time when Savvy and Weiss visited and he was mad at her for doing the surgery, but eventually gave in and talked to Weiss. "He's the only person I feel like I can be my real self with. He's caring and knows me well… He's the best husband a woman could ask for. I love him."

Silence fills the room for a couple of minutes.

"That wasn't so difficult, huh?!" Their therapist says, cheerful.

"About that, we won't be needing your services anymore." Derek says.

Their therapist looks surprised, "Excuse me?"

"We're healed." Derek says.

"How come?" Their therapist asks something again.

"Derek…" Addison sighs, wondering where he is going with this.

"We are. This experiment proved it. We love each other, we just need to remember that and stop making each other crazy." Derek says, grabbing Addison's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Derek…" Her eyes soften.

Derek looks at her in the eye, "I'll build you a house, I'll go shopping with you since Doc ruined your shoes, hell, I will get you a present for the birthday I missed."

"You don't have to do that." She says, shaking her head slightly, looking right into his gorgeous blue eyes.

Derek smiles at her, "I want to do that. We failed each other, I want built things up again."

"Okay." She nods then, and softly smiles at him.

"Okay." He says, squeezing his hand gently again.

"I love you." She almost whispers.

"Me too." He says.

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

_YAS. I DID IT! I FINISHED THIS ONE SHOT. ok, pls review and lemme know what you think. I know it was a messy one shot and i know i could have made it 'fluffier', but well this is what it ended up like. thank you for your constant support on my stories. love u all. also, i think i will keep this "fanfic" as a one shot "folder"._


	2. Addison, 911

_Hi! This is a sad one-shot. I still believe they lost a child (yes pls dont kill me for breaking your hearts) and well i decided to make this happen. I know it's crappy and I know there might be lots of grammatical mistakes, but at least i tried my best and made an effort since I just had hand surgery and i still wrote this in pain. Lmao, enjoy! (and let me know in the reviews if you liked it.)_

。・°°・•・°°・。

**Paged by Addison, 911.**

It's their third year of residency and Addison only pages him 911 for real emergencies, so he takes this as something serious, whatever it is, he's looking for Addison. They have had problems because of this, they were times Addison would page him because she needed fashion advice, which he was willing to give but wasn't really thrilled by absurd emergencies. So they argued about it and came to the conclusion that 911 paging was only for real emergencies. Before he knows it, he's on the obstetrics floor walking towards exam room 34, and the first thing he sees is Nancy with a concerned expression outside of an exam room.

"They won't let me in, Derek." Nancy says, worry on her face and sad eyes.

Derek takes a second to evaluate the scene; _scared sister, no Addison around, closed exam room. _"What is it? Where's Addison? What happened?" He's starting to panic, he just stares at Nancy expecting her to answer.

"I have no idea." His sister says. _Well, that is so helpful Nancy _\- he would say, but he notices this is a serious matter and there's no time for sarcasm, "I saw her come in here, apparently she was operating and something happened, they won't let me in, they won't tell me anything."

Of course they won't tell her anything, Derek's the one they need to talk to.

"Who should we talk to?!" He's starting to drive insane, there's lots of fear on his voice, he notices.

"Derek, keep your voice down."

"Something happened to my wife, I need to know what it is and where she is."

Nancy looks at him in the eye, "Calm down."

"Nancy, how on earth do you expect me to calm down!"

Eventually he sits down, it's been less than fifteen minutes but he feels it's been a lifetime. Every single bad possibility crosses his mind, everything. Every kind of case, every kind of disease.

Liz walks towards them, "Is everything okay? I heard about Addison."

"We haven't been updated." Nancy says, resting both of her hands on her lab coat pockets.

"We don't know what happened." Derek says, running his hands through his hairs.

Liz takes a deep breath, "Doctor Flannery was in the OR with her, I heard Addie gasped in pain and after that they paged OB."

Derek sighs, "Why on earth is OB involved?" He's frustrated, so he stands up and pressures the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Derek…" Nancy, the OB says, knowing exactly what this kind of case might mean even if all she has heard is 'gasped in pain'.

Derek runs a hand through his hand, "They could have taken her to trauma."

"Derek…" Now Lizzie says, patting her brother's shoulder, she seems to get the message from Nancy.

The door of the exam room is opened, Doctor Thompson comes out, with a sad expression on her face. "Doctor Shepherd."

The three shepherds look at the doctor in front of them "She wants to see you."

Of course she wants Derek in there.

"What happened?" Derek sounds terrified at this point, he didn't imagine anything wrong happening to his wife. She was fine this morning, she was all perky and all smiley.

"She had a miscarriage, there's still pregnancy tissue in her womb, so we need to…"

His sisters take a few steps back, realizing this is more a personal matter now.

"I know what- I know." He says, taking a deep breath.

"I talked to her, she wants me to take the rest of the tissue out before it gets infected or anything like that." Thompson says.

He nods, "Can I see her?" He knows what happening next, for God's sakes, he's a doctor, he knows she's going to be all shaky and scared and he will have to be there holding her hand… meanwhile they _remove_ what's left of the fetus he didn't know they were expecting.

"Of course, she's been waiting for you." Thompson tries to give him a small sympathetic smile, but he doesn't return it, he just walks inside of the room.

"Derek…" Addison cries, almost whispering his name. She's lying on the table, wearing a hospital gown, her legs opened. The hospital gown makes her look so small, so much more terrified, her forehead is sweaty and her hands are shaking as he approaches closely.

"Addie, oh God…" He's now next to her side, grabbing her hand and kissing it. "What happened?" Oh, he does know it now, but he needs to hear her voice, he needs an explanation coming from her and not just Thompson's point of view.

"I didn't know." She says in a shaky tone as a tear runs down her cheek, "I didn't know we had a baby." Addison says, shutting her eyes closed for a couple of seconds, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay." He says, wiping sweat out of her forehead before he kisses it and caresses her upper arm.

"I was closing my patient when I felt a cramp," She cries, "I felt as blood runned down my thighs, it was horrible." She closes her eyes again, "Derek, I'm so sorry." Addison says, opening her glassy eyes look into his sad ones. "I fainted, I felt dizzy and I fainted."

She sits up a little on the table and he hugs her, "There's nothing you have to be sorry about, Addison. You did nothing wrong." He whispers in her ear, running circles on her back, trying to calm her down.

"If I had known I would have told you, I swear." She says, holding him close to her, not wanting to let go, "I don't want to do this."

He pushes away, so he can see her in the eye and wipe the tears away from her cheeks, "I'll be here, okay? I won't leave, I'll be here during the whole thing."

"Derek, I'm scared." She whispers.

"I know you are, just… squeeze my hand, I'll be here." He assures her, holding her hand. Derek doesn't know what to think. He was going to become a father until today, a part of him wishes he wouldn't have to be right here right now, he wishes Addison didn't have to be here and to have lived this. But it's too late now.

Thompson comes back into the room, ready to perform the procedure, "Doctor Shepherd, are we ready here?" Thompson has never been one of the emotional doctors but she's a good one, at least.

"Yeah." Addison says softy, closing her eyes and squeezing Derek's hand.

Thompson starts the procedure, and he sees her wince a little. It's just the anesthesia, but she's still very scared and nervous about it. Suddenly, she's tearing up.

Addison cries, but never in public, she hates to cry in public, she hates to show people her emotions, right now though? Right now she doesn't care, she just takes a deep breath and let's the tears fall down her cheeks like waterfalls. Thompson is now getting ready to succion the rest of the tissue and Derek just holds her, whispering to her ear that she'll be okay, that they'll be okay.

It's done.

She knows what's next but Thompson guides them through it anyway.

Their fetus was seven weeks old, neither of them ever knew about it's existence. She's sad, he's sad, even if they never had any time to get attached to it, or to start discussing baby names or anything, they didn't know.

He couldn't have stopped this from happening to her.

Even if Derek wished he could.

。・°°・•・°°・。

They go home. It took Derek a while to help Addison dress up and take her out of the hospital, she just begged him to take her home. She's been silent all the way back home. He's been silent too.

He opens the door to their brownstone, letting her in first. She looks lost in her thoughts, a sad expression on her face, her eyes a little puffy and redish still from all the crying.

"Do you want me to fill the bathtub for you?" He asks her nicely as he closes the door of the brownstone, he leaves their keys on the table nearby and looks at Addison expecting an answer.

"Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you." She mutters, trying to avoid eye contact, she goes upstairs slowly, kicking off her shoes on the way up.

He follows her upstairs, into their bedroom. She sits in the edge of the bed meanwhile he turns the warm water on, letting the bathtub to fill. "Do you need any help?" He says getting back into their bedroom, looking at her.

"No. I… I wanna be alone." Addison says, standing up from the bed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, sighing heavily. "Um, call Nance, tell her I'm okay." Addison advices her husband.

"I will." He says, turning around to leave. But he pauses and turns around again, "Hey, Addie."

"Hm?" She looks up, a blank expression on her face he cannot quite read.

"It's not your fault." He takes a couple steps forward, resting his hand on her shoulder.

She nods, "I know." Addison says in a small voice.

"I'll prepare you something to eat, alright?" He asks her softly, she nods to this, normally she would say she's not hungry but she knows he will insist, "Take a warm bath, I'll ask Mark to go to blackbuster and bring you your favorite, _Breakfast at Tiffany's_?"

"I don't feel like watching a movie." She says, smiling sadly at him. Addison appreciates the gesture, but she doesn't like being treated like she's a victim, she needs time to process, maybe some red wine and a long bubble bath with no interruptions, the only thing she doesn't want is pity.

"Addie…" His eyes are soft, looking at her, staring at her beautiful eyes.

She takes a few steps towards the bathroom, letting his hand slip from her shoulder, "Just...I need to be alone."

"Okay, I'll be downstairs." He agrees on leaving her in there, even if it terrifies him a little. Derek thinks she might need some time to think about the situation, about what just happened.

So he exits the room, closes the door to their bedroom and goes downstairs.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Derek hasn't come upstairs yet. Mark is downstairs with him, both drinking a beer each. Mark had heard about the news from a cute nurse and said needed to come and check on his beloved friend and his wife. Both men are sitting on the couch in the living room, no sound from Addison.

"Are you sure she's okay?" Mark asks, sipping his beer.

He sighs, looking down to his hands, _it's all about the vows, _isn't it? In sickness and in health. "I don't think she is, I just know she needs some time." Derek says, bringing the beer can to his lips, taking a long sip.

"I can't believe this is happening." Mark says. He's a good guy, he cares deeply about Addison and Derek, and is sorry for them to be going through this.

"I know, I can't believe we almost became…"

"Parents?"

"Yeah." Derek nods, smiling sadly.

Mark smirks a little to the thought of Addison and Derek raising kids, "So, she didn't know?"

"No." Derek says, running a hand through his hair, "I think she would be more affected if she had known."

"Right. There was no time to bond." Mark says.

"Exactly." Derek agrees in a shaky tone. He's affected by the situation, no doubts, but he still doesn't know exactly how to feel, how to act. All he knows is that his wife needs his support, and they both need healing from this, even if as Mark said, there was no time to bond, but it was certainly a bomb that unexpectedly exploded in their lives.

"I'm sure you guys will make it one day, you know, the whole parenting thing." Mark says, shrugging a little, "Addison will have to learn how to cook though, unless you want your kids to die starved."

"Or poisoned." Derek says. It's a cruel joke but it's for a good cause; cheering up a little. They both laugh at this, "I could be the one cooking, or I could teach her somethings."

"Derek, she already poisoned your sister, I don't think there's hope." Mark jokes, laughing and nudging his best friend.

The thought of Nancy makes Derek run a frustrated hand through his hair, "Crap, I said I was going to call Nancy, I completely forgot."

"Call her, I have to go now anyway, Alexis is picking me up." Mark says standing up, leaving the rest of his beer on the coffee table in front of them.

"Wasn't her name Tara?" Derek frowns.

"No, Tara was the girl I dated last week, this week I'm seeing Alexis." Mark says, putting on his jacket.

"Are you sure that is called _dating_?" Derek can't help but chuckle at this.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it's fun." Mark says, his typical mischievous grin on his lips.

Derek pats his best friend's back, walking him to the door, "Goodbye man."

"Bye." Mark says, "cheer her up a little, pour her a drink, you know?"

"Yeah. See you later." Derek says, closing the door to the brownstone, taking a deep breath.

Mark leaves. Derek tosses both beer cans into the trash can of the kitchen and takes a sit on the living room afterwards, calling Nancy who was probably very concerned about her sister-in-law.

"Nancy, hey." He says on the phone.

A concerned Nancy replies immediately, "Brother. Is Addie okay?"

"I don't think there's an exact answer for your question." He says, a little frustrated.

Derek explains the situation to his sister, he also comments how she has behaved; _She's fine, she'll be fine. Please don't tell mom about this. _\- he keeps repeating.

When he's off the phone with Nancy, he goes upstairs, Addison is wearing her robe, she's just lying in bed, reading a magazine, red glasses on. "Hey," She says softly as she seems him get inside of the room. "Mark was here?"

"Yeah, he sends his regards." Derek says, closing the door of their bedroom, "I called Nancy, she says she sends you her best." Derek says, staring at her serious expression.

Derek takes a harsh deep breath, "How was your bath?"

"It was… it was okay." She says.

A long silent couple of minutes, it's fragile. It feels too fragile. The tension is real. Her body hurts, his chest aches.

"We could talk, you know." Derek says breaking the silence.

"I don't want to talk." Addison says, closing the magazine resting on her lap, leaving it on her nightstand.

"Addie, you know I'm here for you. I can listen. I'm overwhelmed too." He says, sitting on his side of the bed, watching her as she took her glasses off. "I know you're not okay."

"I'm fine." She says, leaving her glasses on her nightstand. "I'll be fine." She says, getting comfortable in bed, avoiding eye contact.

"I know that, but I need you to talk to me."

"Derek…" She sighs, she sounds tired. Maybe she just wants him to lay down with her and ache a little, feel the pain she's been trying to numb since they arrived here; Since that cramp in the OR.

He's still dressed, but he doesn't care, he gets inside of their bed and gets closer to her, "You would have been a great mother."

"Derek, please don't say that." She looks down, her tears forming.

"Addie, it's not your fault." He murmurs in her ear.

She shakes her head slightly, "Except that I feel it is."

"Why is that?" He caresses her upper arm.

"I was supposed to…" Addison looks up to him, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, "I was supposed to take care of _it_ inside of my womb, to protect it, and I failed…" She takes a deep breath, "I feel powerless."

"Addison, you didn't know, it's okay." He says, wrapping an arm around her, gently pushing her closer to him.

"I was suspecting I was." She looks down, rubs her eyes a little, afraid of shedding any tears, "Suddenly I was late and I thought maybe I was… but then in the OR…"

"Addie, It's okay. It's okay." He kisses her temple and runs circles on her back, trying to calm her down. It's not her fault. It's no ones fault.

"I'm sorry." She whispers against his chest, she's a little shaky.

"Shh, it's okay. Don't apologize."

"I can't help but wonder what if I never lost it." There it is again, the word _it_, they will never know what it was, a she or a he, they will never get to know _it_, but it's okay, because he knows they will get through it, like they do with everything.

"Me too, honey. Me too." Derek says against her hair.

The tears are starting to roll down her cheeks, "You would have made a great father for our child."

"Addison, I'm still here, I'll be the father of your children eventually."

"I know, I just… I feel so guilty." She looks up to his blue eyes, he is also holding tears in there.

"You don't have to. Things like this happen, you're okay now. We're okay." He offers a small sad smile, which is returned by his wife.

"It's been a long day, Derek." She says, pulling away from his embrace, "I'm tired."

"Me too, sweetheart." He says, pecking her lips.

"Thank you for being so good to me, I love you." she says, looking up to him.

He wipes a tear away from her cheek, "I love you too."

Derek doesn't close his eyes until he hears Addison's deep and calm breathing, being assured she was asleep.

。・°°・•・°°・。

"How is she?"

He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, "Liz, I appreciate you showing up and everything, but she's fine, she's just… still going through it." He's still wearing his pajamas, standing in there, waiting for his sister to surrender.

"She doesn't want visitors?"

He sighs, "It's not that, she's just… it's been hard."

"You didn't tell her I was coming."

"No. No, I didn't."

"Nancy said she tried to call her." Liz tucks a strand of her behind her ear, expecting an answer from his brother. Liz cared about Addison and Derek, for her Addison was one of her sisters, and she cared about how she felt or what she was feeling.

"She left her phone at the hospital." He says simply, not wanting to finish the idea with a; _the day she lost our baby_.

"Derek, is everything okay between you guys?"

"Liz, we're grieving." That's his explanation to his older sister.

"You didn't even know she was pregnant and as long as I know she didn't know either, am I right?"

"She suspected it." Derek says, looking down, avoiding Liz's apologetic stares at him, "Again, I appreciate you came, but you must not be here when she comes downstairs. She doesn't like it when they treat her as some sort of damaged kitten." Now he says, staring at his sister's chocolate eyes.

"It's been three days, Derek."

"I know. I talked to the chief, he said we should take our time."

"Give her my best, alright?" Liz says, taking a step forward, hugging his brother.

"Alright." He says, kissing her cheek. She breaks the hug and pats his arm, twice.

With that, his sister finally leaves their house. Derek goes into the kitchen and prepares coffee, as he does every morning. "Good morning sleeping beauty." He says as he sees Addison enter the kitchen. He's been trying on light up her mood and also his, try not to bring up what happened, even if he eventually failed.

"Hey." She says softly, "Wanna pour me a cup?" There's no smile on her face, she seems exhausted.

"Of course." He says, filling a cup of coffee for her, handing it to her, "Be careful, it's too hot still." He smiles at her, trying to catch some sparkle in her eyes. Nothing.

"Who was downstairs?" She asks taking a seat, looking at him. She's wearing Derek's Led Zeppelin oversized t-shirt; She looks so small when she wears his clothes.

"Liz came by." He says, taking a sip of his coffee.

Addison rests her free hand on her knee, "What did she want?"

"She wanted to check on you, I told her you were fine." Derek says, being honest. "Sugar?"

"So you lied." Addison says in a harsh tone, she sighs taking the sugar from his hands, "I was a jackass yesterday, sorry for that." She refers to her previous attitude towards him.

"Addison it's fine." Derek shakes his head, sipping his coffee.

She finishes adding sugar to her coffee so she hands him the small container.

_Yesterday_… The second day. She had been sensible the whole day, she didn't get out of bed during the whole day, she was crying and complaining and he tried to help her, but she just kept pushing him away. He understood what she was feeling and prefered not to bother her anymore and just shut up.

"I was overwhelmed." She says.

"I know, it's okay." He says, walking towards her, grabbing her hand.

_Overwhelmed_; a word they have been using non-stop the past few days. They're overwhelmed, _They_ had a miscarriage. _They_ lost their child.

"We weren't even trying." Addison says softly. Another fact she wants to establish. They weren't trying, but she still lost a child. "Derek…" Apparently he's not the only one who brings up what happened.

"Addie…" He takes the hot cup out of her hands, leaving it on the kitchen island, along with his own, turning around to take her in his arms, embracing her tightly but gently.

She sniffs, "No, I'm fine." Addison says, storming out of his embrace, getting off of the chair she was sitting on, grabbing her cup of coffee and walking away from the kitchen.

"Addie…" He follows her.

"Don't."

"Addison!" He yells, following her, but she's quick and she's already climbing upstairs. "Addison." He raises his voice.

Derek shivers as he hears the door of their bedroom door being slammed.

。・°°・•・°°・。

The doorbell rings. Addison has been locked for hours inside of their bedroom and he wasn't going to keep insisting on letting him in. He's surprised, he told his sisters to back off and Mark wasn't leaving the hospital yet. Derek was still wearing pajamas, he checked on Addison many times, but she would say "_Go away."_ or "_Leave me alone."_

He opens the door, "Hello gorgeous." Savvy says, with a laugh. Savvy had that sparkle that always made being next to her so great, she was a great person, a great friend for his wife and he was glad to see her, maybe she heard.

"Sav? What are you doing here?!" He's surprised by her visit. Judging by her look and composure, she doesn't know. She didn't hear it from anyone else.

Sav tilts her head a little to the side, "Addie and I are going out, dinner and drinks, she didn't tell you?" The blonde haired woman sounds excited and energetic, something Addison hasn't been showing for a couple of days now.

"No." He admits, because it's true, "Did she call with my phone?" Derek knew she wasn't going to be able to call with her since… she left it at the hospital.

"Yeah, she said she forgot hers at work. Everything okay?" Savvy asks, a smile on her face.

Derek sighs, "Is something wrong?" Savannah asks, growing serious.

"She didn't tell you." He realizes, letting his wife's best friend inside of their home.

"Derek, have you showered? I mean, you know I love you, but your hedor… I don't love how you smell right now." Savvy tries to joke, expecting Derek to chuckle, instead his sad eyes tell her it's been a hard day, "What happened?"

Derek shakes his head slightly, "Take care of her tonight, alright?" He says, patting Savvy's arm slightly.

"Derek, I'm not going out with her until you tell me what happened." Savvy looks concerned now.

"She'll tell you. Don't let her drink too much. Take care of her." Derek repeats.

Savvy wants to ask him again; _what the hell is wrong? _but Addison is walking down the stairs, she's wearing that burgundy dress she looks bomb on, her hair up into a bun, she's putting her earrings on as she arrives at the entrance hall.

"Sav! Hey!" Addison walks towards Savvy, wrapping her arms around her, kissing her cheek, she's greeting her best friend. Addison is wearing that typical smile she does when Savvy comes to pick her up for their lady nights.

Derek doesn't know what to say or do, he just stares as the girls get ready to go and they leave, finally. He thinks maybe it was okay to give Addison some space, she was in good hands at least. He knew Savvy was going to listen to her and understand her, he knew his wife was in good hands.

。・°°・•・°°・。

They laugh, "That was hilarious!" Savvy says, covering her mouth with one hand as she tries to catch her breath from that laugh.

"It was." Addison nods, already calmer from their laughing.

"We have the best husbands." Savvy says, smiling.

"Yeah, we do."

"I missed you, Addie."

"I did too." Addison says, smiling at her best friend. She's glad they have met tonight, but she also regrets leaving Derek behind and not telling him about her date with Sav.

"It's great that we can finally catch up and remember old jokes." Savvy says, pushing a strand of hair away from her face.

"It is, it really is."

"Honey, is everything okay with Derek?" Savvy asks, concern in her eyes, "He seemed… I don't know… dejected."

"He's… We're okay, Sav." Addison says, grabbing her best friend's hand along the table, Savvy tilts her head to the side, she knows something is wrong, "I'll need more than a drink if you really want to know." Addison says. She needs something stronger to swallow, and maybe some courage.

Savvy squeezes Addison's hand gently, "What about a cosmopolitan?"

"I'll drink to that." Addison says, smiling a little, drinking the rest of her martini as Savvy does a small sign at the waiter to come by and order their drinks.

"Whatever it is, you guys will be fine." Savvy guarantees.

"We are fine." Addison confirms. She's still trying to figure out how she should feel because of the situation, all she knows is that there's pain in her chest and that she wishes none of that would have happened. Is she being a bad mother though? By going out drinking?

"Are you going to tell me why The Shepherds are all dejected?" Savvy jokes, making Addison chuckle just a little bit.

The red haired woman sighs, "It has been a hard week, Sav."

"You can count on me, you know that, right?" Savannah squeezes her hand, showing support. "You won't tell me, right?"

"I will… I just need to find the correct words." Addison says, smiling sadly at her best friend. A part of her screams _I had a miscarriage_ but another part of her screams _You're not ready to hear my pain_.

So they drink, they chat and Savvy just knows Addison well enough that is certain she will talk when her mind is made up.

。・°°・•・°°・。

He's going to go to sleep, he's going to take a shower and just go to sleep. Derek had been overthinking the matter maybe too much since the girls had left, he had been trying to be on Addison's shoes, trying to think from her perspective, trying to understand it from there. He had failed. Not entirely, but he felt unsuccessful and thought he just had to be there for her.

He turns on the shower, undresses and gets inside of it. Warm water covering his body.

Derek has always believed in empathy. The greatest power of empathy. So he tries to numb his pain, his little pain, his shock, because he's trying to be empathic for Addison. For his wife.

"Derek?!" Addison calls. She sounds nearby, so she must be going up the stairs, expecting to find her spouse.

But she just wants to kick off her shoes and hug him tightly until she falls asleep.

A part of her is disappointed as he shouts back, "In the shower!" Addison is a little tipsy, she might not know what crosses her mind, but she's opening the door to their bathroom. The steam of the hot water makes her feel a wave of hot immediately.

"I told Savvy." She says, sitting on the toilet, expecting Derek to say something.

He hears her murmur something, but the sound of the water falling down is not helping. He turns the water off and moves the curtain to find his wife sitting in there, hands in her lap. Her glassy eyes say it all.

"Addie…"

"I told Sav." She repeats, looking up at him.

He's wet and she's still in that beautiful dress that suits her so good, she looks a little pale, and he feels bad for not being there for her when Savvy dropped her here. He could have greeted her downstairs and asked how her night went, instead his exhaustion insisted on a shower.

He gets out of the shower, takes a towel and wraps it around his waist, he walks closely to his wife and strokes her cheek, "Are you okay?" He asks, concerned.

"I am. I am… I'm just… It was hard to say it out loud, even if it was her. You know?"

He knows.

Derek nods, "I get it." He says softly, reaching out to grab both of her hands, making her stand up.

She just looks at him and gets closer, kisses his cheek and lets herself melt against him, while he holds her still, not letting her fall. "You're all wet." She chuckles to herself, thinking about how dirty that just sounded.

"Ha, I know." He chuckles a little too, kissing her temple and wrapping his arms around her, letting her rest against his chest. "Did Savvy end up drunk or was she a responsible driver?" He asks, trying to light up the mood.

"Well she certainly drunk less than I did." She laughs softly against his chest, "I was in good hands, you didn't have to worry." she says, tracing small circles with her fingers on his strong arms that were still holding her.

Derek kisses the top of her head, "You know I love you, right?"

"So I've heard," Addison says, looking up to him, staring at his beautiful ocean eyes. "I must love you too, a lot, am I right?"

"Oh yeah you must." And for the first time in a couple of days, they both smile. A true smile. Not a fake smile trying to clarify they're okay when they're not, it's a real smile that says; _good thing I have you here with me_.

She kisses him, letting her bare hands stop at his still warm and wet chest. Sticking her tongue into his mouth, moaning against his lips when he starts to kiss her back. "I miss you." She mutters against his lips as they end their kiss.

Their eyes are still closed, and Derek can't help but start kissing her now. Maybe trying to numb his pain with physical contact, looking for medicine in her. Addison kisses him back, no regrets when their lips keep on battling. Her arms are now crossed around his neck, pulling him closer, not wanting him to ever stop touching her body, not wanting him ever to leave her alone.

Addison is certain this is crazy, they just lost something they had created together, but there's something deep inside her that tells her that Derek is the only thing that would help her reconnect with herself after all the pain she has been going through.

She suspected she was going to become a mother, but she didn't know her suspicions would end this quick and this badly.

All she wants is him.

His love.

His skin on her.

She wants her.

She's not drunk, she's tipsy, she's looking for physical contact.

Addison might beg for it.

Before she even knows it, he's lifting her up slowly and gently, to this she wraps her thighs around him, he supports her with a hand on her back and another hand on one of her legs, kissing her like there's no tomorrow. As he walks them to the bedroom, he sits on the edge of the bed, breaking the bun she was wearing as she kept on caressing his dark wet curls.

"Unzip me." She breathes against his lips, running a hand through his chest to his stomach, trying to unwrap his towel, needy of feeling his skin against hers.

Derek follows his wife's orders, kissing her neck as he helps her out of her dress, finding underneath the beautiful shape of the love of his life. She pulls away, just to look into her eyes and feel what she wants to feel.

_Loved._

"Addison…" He breathes, perhaps she's regretting this.

She knows what's hiding between those eyes, it's love and appreciation for her, worry for the person who he loves the most, a broken heart waiting for it to heal. Just like her. They're on the same page.

Her head gets closer to him, resting her chin against his shoulder, "Derek, I love you." She mumbles, pressing her lips to the back of his ear.

Slowly, he pulls her away from him, allowing himself to look at her beautiful face, "I love _you_", Derek says, pressing his lips against hers, undoing her bra with his free hand as he keeps on stroking her hair with his other hand.

There it is. All they wanted to hear from each other. Tonight… tonight they love each other. Her eyes are glassy as they both flop on the bed and Derek helps her take off her panties, she notices a slight flickering on his eyes, his eyes are glassy too.

There's an urge from both of them.

An urge to connect.

He kisses her passionately and treats her good as they make love, he goes slowly, his lips leaving kisses around her face, her neck and collarbones, caressing her legs, her arms, her hair. Derek knows how to make her feel special. This is another kind of connection he's glad they share.

Her skins never stops touching his, which is one of the things she mostly needed.

Something inside Addison shifts, she's whole again.

Something in both of them changed.

They were Addison and Derek… They were being reminded of their love for each other as the physical contact was made.

It was all about; _reconnecting_.

。・°°・•・°°・。

_I might do a two-shot of the last one-shot i made tho, since a lot of people is asking for it. Anyway, lemme know what you think of this one-shot. love u all addek lovers 3_


	3. You Found Me

_hi i'm back!_

_I know addie and derek fell in love by meeting each other over a cadaver,_

_but they never told us if addison agreed to date him immediately or if she said no at first._

_so i decided to make this… their first date besides that day over that cadaver,_

_a little bit of desperate derek too… enjoy!_

_also; i'm the worst at movie choices, so i just mentioned one that came up to my mind at the time… DONT KILL ME PLS_

。・°°・•・°°・。

Medical school is hard somehow.

I mean, it is not if you're learning about something that you really like or are passionate about. But it's hard, not having enough time for yourself, not having enough time for your family (if you happen to have a lovely family); it's hard.

It's also quite exhausting.

So for Addison, who didn't have any hobbies besides obsessing over medicine and clothes, who had always been under pressure and stress during her life, for someone who didn't really enjoy family time, she at least felt lucky to go to the hairdresser this weekend. Take a break from school, take a break from it all. Take a break from noticing the stares of a cute boy in class, take a break from annoying class clowns and the sad face of Sam Bennett when she prefered another partner for anatomy class than him.

This week had been long, Derek had asked her out (twice), but she said she had no time and really just tried to ignore him, even if all she was doing internally was melting for him and his charms, his big blue eyes and that smirk he had that could slay her demons. Was she going to admit that she was starting to fall in love with him and that she was pretty nervous about him asking her out? No, she wasn't.

Lou, the woman at the hairdresser that usually does Addison's hair is asking her how she's doing, commenting that she missed Addison last time she missed her appointment because she had to finish doing some errands.

Whatever, Lou is happy to see Addison back and chats with her.

Lou is older than Addison, but she still acts like a twenty year old woman, so it's like they're high school best friends meeting again after a long time.

Until the only theme Addison didn't want to talk about comes up. "Have you been seeing anyone?" Lou asks, grinning.

Addison can see her idiotic expression on the mirror in front of her as Lou gets her hair all wet, her red curls turning redder as the water makes contact with it. She hates it though, she hates knowing herself too well to know she was going to have trouble admitting what's she's going to say next, "No one, but there might be someone in a close future."

Or that's what she likes to believe, expecting this Shepherd guy not to just move on to another girl.

"Ohh! I hear ya, who is it? Med student? A teacher?!" Lou asks, smiling at her best customer through the mirror. Addison closes her eyes and grins. If she had been dating a teacher Bizzy Forbes would be so embarrassed.

"Just some guy from anatomy class, who happens to be in many of my other classes." Addison says, enjoying how it feels as Lou adds shampoo to her damp hair, which relaxes her a little. "He's cute, he already tried to ask me out."

"_Tried_?" Lou keeps the conversation going and chuckles a little, knowing her best customer could be a lot to deal with sometimes, "Has he asked you out and you _as always _say no?"

"Well, yeah." Addison chuckles a little, even her hairdresser knew her that well. "He's different from many other guys though. I mean, I would have said yes, but I'm sure I'll just screw things up if I agree to dinner and I start to talk too much, or he could end up being nothing like I my expectations and I will end up disappointed."

"You won't know that until you say yes, Addie." Lou says, washing away the shampoo from her hair. "Anyway, any friends besides _the flirty guy_?"

"I have a couple friends; Naomi, we're both into obstetrics, which is great." Addison shares with Lou, "Oh I completely forgot, Derek, the… _the flirty guy _Derek, he happens to have a best friend who is… ugh, he's disgusting. Me and Naomi made a bet that he's screwing one of our teachers." Addison and Lou laugh.

Addison did not refer to Mark as disgusting as really _disgusting_; she just didn't like that manwhore behavior he had, walking around with that mischievous smile and breaking hearts. She was happy by her point of view that Derek wasn't like that, or at least she tried to believe so.

Lou scoffs, "So, he's _that_ kind of guy too? I mean, your prince charming, is he?"

"No, no. Derek is nothing like that… He's polite, he's nice and not a whore at all." Addison says, taking a deep breath as she finishes that sentence. Oof, Shepherd's charms had gotten her in love and she was going to deny it to everyone even herself if needed.

There was something about Derek that had caught her eye, even if they were both touching a smelly cadaver (with latex gloves, of course) when they met, he had a warm smile and those eyes had made her stomach feel butterflies (as cheesy as it sounds like, and as much as she hates it, it happened).

Her cheeks flush a little thinking about him, her new _crush_, "Derek… he's that kind of person that knows what he wants and he's all… all… I don't know, I guess I could say he's kind." Addison says sincerely, taking by Lou's face that she's able to see througrough the mirror, her hairdresser believes her.

"You should go out with him if he's as marvellous as you describe him." Lou says, adding more of those weird chemicals to Addison's damp her, "Give him a chance, maybe he won't disappoint you like the other guys."

Addison sighs, "I don't know, it's not like he does that much effort to get me to date him or anything." She giggles a little.

Well, the poor guy has tried at least.

He has looked at her and stared for hours, trying not to act pretty.

Hearing him whisper, "She's precious," the other day was probably just another hint that he was into her.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Naomi's woken up by the doorbell. Fuck it, she's going to have to step up from bed and go open the door. You can't even nap in peace these days. For her surprise, when she sees through the door peephole, she sees Derek Shepherd. Why? She has no idea.

Naomi opens the door anyway, "Shepherd?" She's confused, the man in front of her looks like he's had seven cups of black coffee.

"Is Addison here?" He sounds desperate, he's looking at Naomi with a hopeful look she feels sad to face.

Naomi frowns at him, rubbing a hand through her messy hair, "Montgomery? You do realize she doesn't live here, right?"

"I know, I already went to her place and she wasn't there, I figured she might be here, you two are friends." Derek says. He obviously knows this since the two of them (Addison and Naomi) spend a lot of time together.

She nods, still a little sleepy from her nap she is able to process the information, "Yeah we're friends… wait, how did you know where I live?" Naomi looks a little worried now, is she and her friend being stalked by this guy?

"Sam told me." Derek says, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

Sam lived on the same building as Naomi, they were neighbors actually, so it was normal that Derek had found Nae. Normal in a weird way.

He's holding red roses on his free hand, and that's when she knows what's going on. Nae chuckles softly, "You're looking for her to ask her out again, am I right?" Her lips curl up into a smile.

"Too obvious?" Derek chuckles, a little nervous.

Naomi feels pity for him, and she does know where Addison is. Is Addison going to hate her for giving away the address of her hair salon? Probably. But she does it anyway, Naomi had been reading romantic novels and thought that maybe Addison deserved her own romantic fairytale, not to mention, he did seem a little crazy for the redhead girl.

After he told Naomi 'thank you' more than eleven times, she closes the door to her apartment and he practically flies as he runs downstairs. Mark had parked a few blocks away, so he had to run to find the car faster.

"Hey, hey, hey. You need a change of clothes!" Mark says as Derek gets in the car, "You look like you've ran a marathon…"

"She's at the hairdresser. We-" he tries to catch his breath from that run he just had, "We gotta head over there." Derek says as he enters the car, closing the door behind him and fastening his seat belt as fast as he could, trying not to damage the red flowers.

"Alright, chill." Mark rolls his eyes as he gets out of the parking space and drives to the address Derek described.

Derek gets out, almost forgetting the flowers he had bought for Addison. "When I'm done in there, I don't want you here, call me a cab, but please don't be here." Derek says.

"Why can't I?!"

"Naomi… Addison's friend told me she thinks we made a bet, she thinks I don't want to take her out for real, she…"

"I get it man. If you get lucky and sees my car out here she's going to think this is a game." Mark nods, understanding surprisingly.

"Good." Derek nods, sighing, nervous.

Mark smirks, "Go get her, tiger!"

。・°°・•・°°・。

He walks inside of the place and looks both sides, trying to find the redhead woman he's been looking for.

Lou smirks and Addison notices through the mirror, "What is it?" The med student asks.

"Isn't that one piece of candy!" She says, doing a gesture with her chin towards Derek.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Addison says, covering her face with her hands as Lou wraps a towel to cover her hair. "That's Derek." Her eyes are widened, surprised by seeing him here.

"That's him- You didn't mention he's- How come you said no to him?!" Lou is surprised.

"Oh God, what is he doing here?" She's blushing inevitably.

Lou takes a deep breath, "Apparently looking for you."

"Addison!" He calls, walking towards her direction. This is bad. Everyone is staring.

She gasps, "What on earth are you doing here? I'm kind of in the middle of something." Addison says, standing up from her seat and gesturing towards the towel that is holding her hair.

Derek offers the flowers, "Would you have coffee with me? And maybe dinner?" He speaks so fast it's a little confusing to catch up with him and every syllable he pronounces.

He's desperate, clearly. Her cheeks flush as he's standing in front of her, holding the red roses he bought her.

"Shepherd…" She rolls her eyes, both hands on her hips.

This is unbelievable, for real.

"How did you even know I was here?!"

"Naomi told me." Derek says, "But don't get mad at her, I insisted." He kinda did not though, Naomi knew Addison had a thing for Derek and saw it as an opportunity. Derek is compassionate, he will lie to cover someone else's from Addison's or anyone else's anger.

"Young man, this is a hair salon, people are trying to get a new look here." An old woman says from her seat. Addison and Lou try not to laugh.

"I'll cut my hair then." Derek says, impulsive. Addison laughs a little at this, he's so sweet, willing to cut his curls just for her. "Come on, go out with me." He insists, not giving up apparently.

"I already told you I'm not interested, Derek." Addison sighs, noticing she's not going to be so strong next time his blue eyes beg for her to accept.

She can be weak too.

Derek looks a little defeated, "Please. I will get a haircut, I will wash your car, if you have a dog I will walk him out, just… I really want to go out with you. At least coffee." His eyes are full of hope and she feels guilty for getting him this crazy about her, but she must admit it feels great to feel wanted.

"I don't know…" She seems a little frustrated as she notices everyone is staring at them.

"I'm not giving up, you know? If you do go out with me and it ends up terribly and you definitely have no feelings for me whatsoever, I won't bother you ever again. Just give me a chance, Montgomery." Derek says hopeful she'll finally say yes.

"Fine." Addison says, her lips curling into a small smile. "Coffee. And we'll see about dinner."

He smiles, wide beautiful smile in front of her, "Great! You won't regret it." His ocean eyes are even more brighter.

"I better not. Call me." Addison says.

"I… I don't have your number." He says a little shy as he gives her the flowers he bought for her that same morning.

She takes the roses from his hands and sits back into her previous spot, sniffing the flowers before saying what she said next; "I'm sure you'll find a way to find it." _Just like you just found me._

。・°°・•・°°・。

Her nap is interrupted again for the second time in the day. Not a surprise it's Derek again waiting outside of her door.

"You do know it's weekend and some people try to rest, right?" Naomi challenges, crossing her arms over her chest, a tired expression on her face. "What is it now?"

"I'm sorry to bother, I really am." Derek says, "I need her phone number."

"You didn't find her?"

"Oh no, I did. But she told me to find her phone number." Derek says, tilting his head to the side.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Derek calls about twenty minutes when she's already home, nowhere near Naomi's apartment, a hair salon, a manwhore or anything like that. He's just sitting on the couch and dials her number, reading it from a piece of paper Naomi had given him.

"Hey!" Derek responds joyful as the phone is answered.

"Derek?" Addison asks through the phone, "You found me. I mean, my phone number."

"I did." He says with a little pride, running a hand through his hair. "I did." He repeats more calmly now.

Addison chuckles, "I said yes to coffee, but I think I'm going to cancel coffee for today." She says.

Derek sighs, he cannot believe what he just heard, "What? No." He sighs again, "For real?"

"Yeah, I'd rather have dinner. We can grab coffee any other time if you're lucky enough." Somehow for her, that's flirting. And she likes how it feels, how it's a small adrenaline feeling in her stomach.

Derek smile comes back to his lips as she finishes explaining herself, he's so relieved, "I agree. I already know where to take you actually."

"You had it already planned, didn't you?" She giggles.

The conversation keeps going and she discusses with him as to why she should know where they're going to go have dinner, but he won't tell her. She needs to know where he is going to take her, in case her outfit needs to be special, elegant, basic, boring.

"Just… wear something comfortable." Derek kept insisting, but Addison ws still freaking out, not knowing what on earth to wear.

"Derek!" She sighed in the phone, expecting his classmate to finally tell her.

He chuckles, which annoys her, "Is this our first fight as a couple?" He asks, flirty as he has lately been acting with Addison.

"It is not, I just need to know what to wear." Addison keeps insisting, Savvy by her side rolling her eyes.

"Whatever you feel comfortable with, really." Derek sounds so serious it almost scares her thinking she's going to be the one blowing up this whole thing.

"Hey, it's not funny." Addison is frustrated already meanwhile Savannah digs through her clothes looking for a 'comfortable' outfit.

Addison ends the call after a while of insisting, and when she turns around Savvy is trying to choose some shoes for her. "Is he taller than you?"

"He is, a little. Well, not really, we basically have the same height."

"Then use these."

"Savvy!" Addison is frustrated and helpless right now, she might get too stressed because of this and Savvy knows her well enough to manage her nervousness.

"He said wear something comfortable. Converse are comfortable." Savvy says, smiling warmly at her best friend.

Addison sighs, "Alright, what else do you have?"

Savvy points to the outfit she has left on a chair nearby, jeans and burgundy blouse. "He'll be stunned by you." Her blonde friend says, smirking at Addison.

"Well I do look good in burgundy." The redhead smiles, picking up the blouse from the chair, examining it in case there's some sort of flaw.

"You see? We're a great team, I'm great help when you're all nervous and in love for a guy." Savvy smirks, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

"I am not!"

"Addie, you're too obvious sometimes, you know? Just… trust my instincts, wear this and relax."

Addison hears her friend. She's known her for years now, and it's great to have her here to help her get ready for her date. It's stupid for Addison to feel like this, she's never been too nervous for a date before, maybe in high school when Nathaniel Andrews asked her out, but that doesn't count because she was a teenager who felt special and was still just a bit childish.

He picks her up. Eight o'clock as he promised, he was outside of her building minutes before and waited for her. He was as Savvy said, stunned. Incredibly stunned.

"Hey." He said, back against his car, watching her going down the stairs of the porch, looking all beautiful as always.

"Hey." She said back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, watching him standing in front of her.

"I like your haircut." He says, noticing she did cut a little.

She smiles at him, "Thanks." Addison looks at him for a few silent seconds, "You're still not telling me where we're going?"

"Not yet. You did follow my fashion orders though" Derek says, seeing how Addison's cheeks turn a little pink under her makeup. Derek is turning around and opening the door of the car, "Shall we?" He asks, gesturing for her to get in.

Addison smiles and walks towards the car, getting in. He closes the door for her and after that gets inside of the car, driving away. "Did you, uh, did you like the roses?"

"I did." Addison nods, trying to hide that cheeky smile from her face, but not being able to. "Thank you for the flowers, they're gorgeous. Oh, and they smell great." Addison says, very thankful for his gesture.

"I'm happy you liked them." He says, looking at her for a second before concentrating on the road again. "I'm happy you accepted to go out with me."

"Well, I didn't have much choice, you literally showed up at the hair salon." She gives him a sympathetic look.

He chuckles, "I've got to admit I was a little desperate."

"A little?" She chuckles.

"Okay, a lot." Derek chuckles again.

。・°°・•・°°・。

They arrive to a food truck. A literal food truck.

Addison has never been to a food truck before, so, this is her first time ever. Sure she's seen thousands of these around the city, but she's new to this. Her first date with Derek Shepherd and her first visit to a food truck. He park nearby the truck and he helps Addison out of the car.

To be honest, she expected him to take her to a burger place, even McDonalds, but a food truck? Whatever; It didn't really matter, they were going to eat and afterwards she was going to evaluate the evening as she always does with dates.

Derek is someone knew for her, she's certain. So she might just shut up and wait to see something happening. He asks what she likes on pizza and they have that typical argue everyone has; _pineapple on pizza, for real?_

Derek and Addison walk through the street eating a slice of pizza each. Derek has insisted her to try his pizza, that pineapple won't kill her. She does try it and makes a disgusted face that makes him laugh non-stop for a few minutes.

"It's disgusting, Derek." Addison says, wiping away some rests of pizza from her lips with a napkin.

He scoffs, "It's not my fault you have awful taste."

"Oh, I have awful taste?" Addison asks, acting hurt.

"What? Do you intend to say _I _have awful taste? I asked _you_ out." He says, making Addison blush a little.

She shakes her head slightly, "Fine. You don't have awful taste."

"Good." He nods.

"Why didn't you tell me we were coming over here and that we were going to walk through the dark streets... and all of that…"

"Because, I… I didn't want to disappoint you." He shrugs.

"Disappoint me?" She asks before taking another bite of her pepperoni pizza slice.

"I know you come from a successful family, i know you like expensive things and I didn't want to take you to one of those expensive places to make this date special, I kind of wanted to make _you_ the special thing of the date, getting to know you outside of your jewelry world and… just get to know you."

"That's actually sweet." Addison says, looking down as they keep on walking. "You know… I'm not _that_ kind of rich bitch. I mean, _jewelry world_ is a better way to describe my mother than me."

"Really?" He looks up.

"Yeah. Why do you think I'm that kind of person?" Addison asks.

"Because I don't know you." He chuckles, "I just know what I've seen. You're smart, you're…"

"You're in love with me." She cuts him off. "You wanna get to know me."

He looks at her, "Addison…"

"Don't deny it." She giggles. "I've got to admit you're different than I thought you were."

He looks surprised now, "How did you thought I was?"

"I don't know… I thought you were different since you and Sloan are friends, I thought maybe you were like him. You know all…"

"I'm not like Mark. We have things in common but not _that_." Derek says understanding what she's referring to.

The redhead woman next to him giggles, "So you're a good kid."

"You could say that." He chuckles, smiling at her, "I have four sisters _and _Mark. I'm kind of obligated to be the good kid."

"I didn't imagine you had any siblings."

"Do I seem some sort of lonely wolf?" He laughs, making her laugh.

"No, not really. I think you're very loved, a family kind of guy." Addison admits.

"What about you? Family kind of girl or lonely wolf?" Derek asks, taking a bite of his hawaiian pizza slice as they keep on walking through the street.

"Hmm, lonely wolf. Definitely lonely wolf." She says, looking down for a moment.

"How come? You're so many great things."

"Thank you." She says, a little surprised from a feeling she feels inside of her, is some sort of warmth around her chest. "My mother… she's what I'd like to describe; heartless. And my father? God, he's… a womanizer. For him I'm her _kitten_, the nine year old making the drinks by the bar." Addison says, sighing, crossing her arms against her chest, remembering all those times she caught her father cheating.

"Wow." Derek says.

Addison sighs again, "Yeah. I have an older brother though… Archer. He used to take care of me when we were kids, but he couldn't save any of us from our terrible childhoods." She fake laughs a little. "Do you have that with any of your sisters? Some sort of bond… I mean."

"Well, not really. They all hate me because as a kid I took their dolls head out." They laugh, "...but I think Amy is my favorite sister. She's the youngest. You see, my other sisters are close together, they gossip, they share weird girl life hacks, and me on the other hand? I'm kinda extra, and Amy is kinda extra too. So we're both extra, together."

"How is she like?" Addison asks interested by his big family.

"Oh, she's still in high school. She's a kid. She's reckless, does stupid things like dying her hair behind my mother's back, piercings, sucks at spanish class, but her grades are fine… she's funny, kind of adorable sometimes."

A small smile appears on Addison's lips, "She sounds nice."

"Yeah." He says, rubbing his napkin against his lips. "How is Archer?" Derek asks after a couple of silent seconds.

Addison shakes her head, "He's… I mean, he's a younger version of my father, but he's way more caring. I think. I don't know. He's… trouble."

"And you? Are you trouble?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

She laughs, "Derek!"

"What?"

"No, I'm not trouble. Except that one time I pulled Veronica Miller's ponytail because she tried to copy me on a test." Addison laughs.

Derek laughs, amused by the fun fact, "Poor Veronica!"

"I know, I got grounded for two weeks." Addison giggles, "In my defense I was tired of her copying me, If she wanted a good grade she should have studied."

"I agree. Goddamn Veronica."

Addison laughs, locking eyes with him for just a moment. Because suddenly they stop walking and they're looking at each other's eyes, like the time has freezed and they had to stay like this forever. The wind is powerful and washes over them, making Addison shiver a little. Derek reacts immediately and gives her his denim jacket.

"It's okay, I don't-"

She couldn't even finish the sentence because he spoke again, "Don't be stubborn, you're freezing."

And he wasn't lying.

She lets him help her into his jacket, and after that they start walking through the streets again. "Are _you _trouble?"

"I kind of am."

"For real?" Addison is surprised.

"No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I never had a Veronica kind of situation," He teases her, her cheeks blushing pink, "But I've acted and done many childish things, that's for certain. Once Tom Radley, the guy my older sister was dating, Nancy, he had cheated on her, and even if I was a year younger I went to his house and punched him in the face."

"No kidding."

"No kidding." He confirms, "Nancy had cried for a week before I decided to go over there, I felt bad for her."

By now they're both left with napkins on their hands and no rest of junk food.

"Poor Tom, well at least he got you and not your dad." Addie laughs a little, trying to joke, but there's a little bit of sad in his eyes and she rather not ask, just wait until he says something.

"Yeah." He whispers.

The rest of the walk he's silent, until Addison decides to grab him by the arm softly and look at him directly in the eyes, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." He lies.

"You're not." Addison says, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, staring at his sad smile. "Did I say something that made you upset?"

"No, no, no. Not at all." Derek says sincerely. "My dad… um, he died. A long time ago."

"Oh God, I'm sorry I joked like that. I had no idea." Addison says, her blue-green eyes shining with regret, she's still holding his arm.

"It was a long time ago, it's okay," Derek says, smiling at her, just a little, trying her best to assure her it was okay.

Before she knows it, she's pulling herself closer to him, wrapping her arms around him, hugging him tightly. He lets her, he takes a deep breath, allowing himself to hold her against him too.

The moment ends a few seconds later, "Wanna watch a movie or something?" He's grinning again and she's happy to see that charming smile again.

"Sure. I'd like that." Addison nods, resuming their earlier walk that now had a destiny. He's surprised by her hand grabbing his as they keep walking.

。・°°・•・°°・。

They arrive at the closest cinema. Derek insists Addison should pick the movie, but she feels too ignorant when it comes to movies because the only thing she has watched over the years are movies involving Audrey Hepburn or Anna Karina.

"Come on Derek, you choose. I'm the worst at these things." Addison giggles after many tries of convincing him to pick, "I've went to the movies twice in my life, you should pick."

"Twice?!" He asks, surprised.

"Yeah. That's not the point, just pick the damn movie." She asks again.

"Fine." Derek will let it be after all.

He does pick the movie after Addison insists again, he decided they were going to watch Xanadu. He had seen it, but he had heard Addison mention she hadn't a few days back at school. They buy popcorn and when the guy asks if they want it salad or sweet they both respond in unison, "sweet," Which makes Addison blush maybe a little too much that it's evident she feels a little embarrassed, or maybe he makes her nervous, either way, he finds it sweet.

As they take their seats, Addison asks Derek if she can hold the popcorn, obviously because it's the best cinema privilege, he didn't care, but gave Addison permission to do so with a nod and a cheeky smile. Mark would have made fun of Derek for not choosing a horror film, so he could get lucky, but Derek didn't mind watching something else, something he knew she was going to enjoy.

The movie hasn't started yet, so they make small talk.

"Just out of curiosity, if I would had said no when you showed up at the salon, what would you have done next? Surrender?" Addison asks curious about the answer he'll give her, as she takes a few popcorn and eats them.

He chuckles, looking at her beautiful sparkly eyes, "I was considering on appearing outside your balcony and sing some Frank Sinatra love song."

"Are you kidding me?" She laughs, posing a hand on her chest.

"I swear. I… This is embarrassing, but when I first saw you I swore I was going to go out with you."

"You do know that we're not dating because I agreed to go out with you. At least not yet."

"Right." He nods, he knows this, this is just a date that even involved physical contact.

"We can be friends." She proposes.

"I would love that." He nods with a cheeky smile.

"Good." She smiles at him, "You know, I've only come to the movies twice because I've never had time."

"Really?"

"Yeah… the first time I came I was eighteen, my brother took me. The second time… well, I used to date a guy, but he wasn't like you. He was… he was quite annoying to be honest, I don't even know why I dated him. My parents liked him, but Archer? Archie has never liked anyone of my boyfriends."

"Have you had lots of those?" Derek asks, hopeful that did not sound too stalky.

"Boyfriends? No. I mean, maybe? What's the normal average of boyfriends anyway?" She asks, looking at him, taking a sip of his water bottle, which he didn't seem to bother.

He shrugs, "I don't know, five?"

"Oh, then yeah I've had the normal average. Maybe the minimum." She looks down and hands him the bottle.

"You have?"

"I've had three boyfriends. Well, serious ones. The rest doesn't really count, the rest is more like studying at someone's place, going to parties, making out. Which… well, I didn't do much." She sighs, "I'm sorry, I ramble too much."

"What? No. It's alright. I like it. I like rambling." Derek says, getting comfortable on his seat.

She takes another bite of popcorn, "How about you? Normal average of girlfriends?"

"Ha… not quite." He shakes his head, "I had an afro." He says, in an embarrassed way. Addison laughs, covering her mouth, "My hair was a mess, believe me, I was lucky enough I had a date to homecoming."

"You were an afro nerd?" She laughs, still covering her mouth.

"I was." He tilts his head to the side, "I've dated two girls, for real. _After _high school." He clarifies, giggling as Addison kept on laughing.

"I cannot believe you." Addison says.

"It's true. If you ever allow me to ask you out again I might bring evidence."

"I would love that." Addison says sincerely.

"Nice." Derek smiled at the redhead woman, as the lights started to turn off slowly and the screen started showing images. She offered popcorn and he took a bite.

The fascination in Addison's eyes was his entertainment during the whole night. She asked if he was paying attention to the movie at some point, and he obviously lied and said he totally was paying attention, when actually he was staring at her beautiful features. Everly line, every single detail on her skin, her hair, her eyes and the earrings that matched her outfit.

After their movie finalized Addison stood up the first and started clapping her hands, euphoric. Suddenly everyone inside of the room followed her lead and started clapping their hands too. Derek was amused, he stood up and started clapping his hands along.

"What are we doing?!" He asks, laughing, loudly.

Addison laughed and shake her head slightly, "I have no idea, but it's fun." She says as the crowd keeps cheering.

。・°°・•・°°・。

He drives her home and watches her as she goes upstairs, ready to open the door. He's about to turn around and shout his goodbyes, but the most unexpected happened next.

"Hey!" She called out. He looked up at her, surprised.

"Wanna come in for a while?" She asks, smiling at him.

He doesn't have anything or anyone waiting for him, so he nods and follows her inside.

"Before you walk in, do not make fun of me." She begs, meanwhile they're in the slow elevator, the building is six floors, they could have went through the stairs, but they're already here.

"Why?"

"You're going to realize when we get there." She says sighing, scared of him knowing her little secret.

"What is it Addison?"

"I have a serious addiction, alright?" She says as the elevator doors open.

He expects the worse; cocaine, marihuana, maybe crack?

He scoffs, following behind her as they walk together through the hallway, "What are you talking about?"

"You'll see." She says, opening the door.

There's two boxes in there, big ones.

"Hot chocolate powder?" He laughs.

She sighs, taking her purse off of her shoulders, "I know I'm ridiculous. They were supposed to arrive in November and well…"

"You mean, to make hot cocoa for Christmas?" He's curious about this and notices how her cheeks blush again.

She nods slightly, "Yeah. Do you do that too?"

"The only creature that doesn't do that is the grinch." Derek jokes.

She laughs to his stupid joke, "And probably the other half of the world that has to spend christmas during summer."

"Well, maybe they make an exception." He laughs, closing the door of Addison's apartment. "Do you… um, do you need help to lift these? I mean, maybe you don't want to leave them here."

"Oh yeah, that would be great. Naomi tried to help me yesterday and we failed." She laughs as she watches Derek take his jacket off.

"Where are you gonna leave them?" He asks, getting ready to lift one of the boxes.

"I'll guide you, just… follow me." She requests as Derek lifts the box filled with cocoa powder and follows Addison into a closet that is probably to keep towels and blankets, maybe coats, there's plenty of space.

He finishes helping Addison on leaving the boxes in there and after that he joins her in the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to drink? A glass of water… wine?"

"I'm driving so, water would be just fine, thank you." He says, watching as she pours the glass of water. He mutters a 'thanks' when she gives it to him.

"Thank you for helping with the boxes." She says, filling the silence.

"It was nothing, whenever you need help I'm available." He says, smiling at her.

She tilts her head to the side, "You're a decent guy, you know. I would have said yes if you had appeared outside my balcony."

"Damn, I knew I should have tried that one first." He laughs.

She laughs too, "To be honest I don't know why I said no the first time you asked me."

"I like to believe you didn't say yes because you're a lady and you want people to respect you."

"That's probably one of the reasons." She smiles nodding in his direction.

He takes a sip of his water and stares into her eyes, "Because you're a precious gem and you don't let anyone find you easily."

.

"_She's precious."_

"_Who?"_

"_Montgomery. She's precious."_

_._

"You could say." She tilts her head, holding a chuckle, "Derek Shepherd you're a romantic!"

"I'm a poet, Miss Montgomery." He corrects her, flirty.

She pours herself a glass of merlot, "You are?"

"Of course I am, I had only A plus in english class."

"Are you sure your afro was what made the girls back off from you in high school?" She laughs a little before taking a sip of her red wine.

"Ha! Good one." Derek scoffs, following Addison to her living room, where she invites him to sit on the couch next to her. As she sips her red wine, he just stares around her apartment.

It's a simple apartment.

"So… we're becoming doctors, huh?" Addison asks, leaving her glass on the coffee table nearby.

"We are. Any specialities you're interested in?"

"I'm very into obstetrics. I like cardio and pediatrics… I think. I'm not sure. I just know I'm going to be great at whatever I do." Addison says, "How about you?" She asks, interested about his answer.

"I like pediatrics too, and neuro." Derek says, making himself comfortable next to her.

"Neuro? I hate it." Addison says with a soft chuckle.

"You do?" He's surprised.

She exhales sharply, "I sadly do."

"Good, now I'm certain you won't beat me up." He jokes.

Addison nods, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. "My brother is becoming a neurosurgeon, he's starting his fellowship soon." Addison shares with him.

"He is?"

Addison nods, "Yeah. Archer can be a jerk but he's intelligent after all." Addison says. "Hey… I just wanted to thank you for tonight. It was great. I had a lot of fun."

"I'm glad you had fun. I had fun too." He smiles at her, and watches how she replies smiling too.

"As I said before, you're decent. Until now tonight I had my best cinema night."

"Interesting…"

"The one time I came with that boy I told you… he tried you know, he practically pushed himself all over me and after that it was awkward and I broke up with him the day after." Her cheeks blush, her rambling again.

"I would have done the same."

"You didn't do that though… You just watched the film and didn't try anything weird." Addison says, blushing again, just a little. She knew Derek would not admit it, but he did stare at her for a while and she did notice he did. "You're a gentleman."

"Besides, do you think I would have screwed up the chance I had to take you out?" He laughs, remembering his two failed tries, the stupid list he made, all those hours he spent thinking about her gorgeous eyes and laugh. It was hard not to be nervous when she said yes, it was hard not to be nervous right now, because her hand grabbed his.

"I'm glad you didn't."

She gets closer to Derek and kisses his cheek.

"Coffee after school on monday?" He asks when she has finally pulled back.

Addison shakes her head slightly, chuckling, "I'll have to think about it."

。・°°・•・°°・。

_hi, so, this is short, and i hate myself for it. _

_anyway, review if u didn't hate it._

_lov u guys ;)_


	4. That Night

_hi im not a doctor pls dont bully me and enjoy this very crappy one shot. imagine if 'that night' had not happened really. ADDEK._

/

The sound of her cell phone ringing filled the comfortable silence that had built after she finally stopped panting and the raindrops were a numb noise for her ears. Maybe it was Derek, maybe he was willing to talk and fix things, maybe he was ready to fight and make their marriage heal. But it wasn't him. She wanted to throw away her phone, she wanted to scream in pain and cry again, but she ended up taking the call.

"Hello?" Addison said on the phone, hoping maybe the unknown caller could turn out being her husband, hoping her tone didn't sound as broken as she thought it sounded like.

Someone at the other end of the line coughed, "I'm sorry to disturb this late, are you Addison Shepherd?"

"Yeah, yeah. That's me, who is this?" Addison asked, standing up from the stairs of the brownstone, where she had been sitting for the past couple of hours.

The young man sighed, "I'm Tanner Wilson, um… I… I'm sorry, i'm new and i was supposed to tell you this but I have no experience so…"

"Tanner, why do you- why are you calling?" The redhead cuts him off, sniffing, wiping some tears away from her cheeks with the back of her free hand.

"I work at the New York Presbyterian in Queens, your husband… Doctor Derek Shepherd… he's been in an accident. I'm so sorry." The guy who she supposed was an intern or nurse said on the phone, he sounded a little nervous and she couldn't quite know what to do.

She could feel as her heart started to beat faster than ever, faster than when he exited the brownstone and never came back. The fear in her voice evident when she tries to put herself together and dare to ask: "Is he… Is my husband alive?"

"Yes. He's in surgery right now." Tanner explains.

Addison nods and sighs, tears starting to run down her cheeks once again, "I'll be right there." She said, resting a hand against her forehead, trying to understand what just happened.

As far as she knew, she was still a little tipsy, so she couldn't drive, she had just ruined her marriage by letting Mark seduce her, or did she seduce him? She must have been really drunk. Whatever, at this point the panic starts to built up, because she doesn't know what to do next, where to go, or if moving was a good call.

"I'm so sorry." Tanner said ripping her from her thoughts and worries.

Addison sighed, "Thanks for calling." She said in a shaky voice.

As she ended the call and looked around the entry of her house, she remembered her clothes were out there still, getting damp. So she just opened the door, finding a pair of work-out shorts nearby, putting them on, not caring who could see her or all the possibilities of getting some sort of illness. She just wore the shorts, got inside the house again, opened the coat closet and took the first one she found, it was not even hers, but she didn't care.

Addison dialed a familiar number and got out of her house, decided to let the water get her even more damp as her friend answered the phone with a sleepy voice. "Addie? It's so late, what's going on? Wait, why do I hear rain drops?! Are you outside?"

Addison took a deep breath, feeling sorry she woke up her best friend, but also feeling relieved she answered, "Sav, I screwed up. I screwed up bigtime." Addie said between sobs, "And now he's… Derek's…"

"Derek? What happened?" Savvy asks, now her voice sounded alert and concerned, less sleepy.

Addison shook her head and tried to calm down her sobbing, "I need you to take me to The Presbyterian in Queens. Could you, please?"

"Yes, of course honey, I'll be there in ten." Sav said, sighing heavily, probably feeling overwhelmed and starting to picture the worst situation ever.

"Thanks Sav." Addison said, finishing the call, hoping her friend would arrive soon.

Savvy stopped her car just in front of Addison and opened the door for her friend to get in, she had brought her a couple of towels, since she had guessed the redhead woman had been standing in the pouring rain.

"Addie…" Sav said softly, rubbing her knee, trying to look at her in the eye.

Addison shook her head, "It's all my fault. If I hadn't- he would be home now, I wouldn't be right here, my clothes…" She trailed off, closing her eyes, not wanting to drop anymore tears, not wanting to even think about what she had done to him, to herself.

Savvy started to drive away from the house, and dared to ask: "What's going on?"

"Derek was in an accident." Addison says, running a hand through her damp hair, trying to get it a little dry with the towels her friend had given her, I don't know what caused it, I only know he was in surgery when they called me."

"Oh, Addie. I'm sure he'll be fine, don't blame yourself." Savvy said, her hand still resting on Addison's uncovered and cold knee.

"You don't get it." Addison whispered.

That was right though, Savannah didn't get it, she had no clue what was going on, why her clothes was outside of her door and was now still getting damp, her best friend had no idea why bruises were going to appear on her forearms because of the intensity she used on hitting the door so he could let her back in, Savvy didn't know that her friend had just set her marriage on fire and was probably going to lose it all tonight. Who knew life could be such a bitch?

They enter the hospital, the New York Presbyterian. Tanner, the guy that had called Addison turned to be an intern, just as she had suspected. He told her all about Derek's injuries. Addison didn't hear a thing, not for a second, her eyes were fixed on Mark sitting on a chair nearby.

"I'm sorry, could you… could you repeat what you just said?" Addison asked, looking at Tanner's brown eyes, trying not to focus that _he_ knew and _he_ had arrived earlier than her.

"A man riding a motorcycle hit your husband, unfortunately the driver died in the accident, and your husband was found unconscious, he broke a couple of ribs, had an internal hemorrhage and a cranial contusion, he should be about to get out of surgery at any time now." Tanner said, offering a small smile, "CT came clear, though."

"Thank you, Tanner."

"I'm sure Doctor Winslow will want to speak with you personally after the surgery is finished, you can wait over there if you'd like."

"Thanks." Savvy muttered to the young intern and guided Addison to the waiting room, where Mark spotted them.

"I came as soon as I heard. God, Addie, I'm sorry." Mark said as he approached them. Addison looked up at him and stood up from the chair she had just taken.

The redhead couldn't contain her anger and she slapped the man in front of her, "How dare you show up here after what you made me do to him?!"

"Addison…" Savvy said surprised, standing up from her seat, staring in shock at what just happened.

"Leave, Mark. Just leave." Addison begged, tears starting to built up. She tried to get herself tighter inside the coat that belonged to her husband, but still she was unsuccessful. She sat back on her chair and watched Mark walk away, Savvy looking down at her.

Sav sat next to Addison and held her close until Doctor Winslow approached with a friendly smile, which obligated the friends to stop sobbing and breaking down.

"You must be Doctor Winslow." Addison said, stretching her hand to shake his.

He nodded, "I am." He was wearing a pair of dark green scrubs, he was still wearing his scrub cap, "The surgery was a success, we could control the bleeding and stopped it, he must be awake in an hour due to anesthesia and we'll monitor him overnight. His injuries were not that severe, but I talked to Doctor Morgan, our best orthopedic surgeon and he's concerned your husband might need to stay here for a couple of days to see if his ribs start to heal alright."

"I… I understand, thank you." Addison said, trying her best to smile to the man in front of her, who seemed very pleased with himself.

Doctor Winslow nodded, "They're taking him to his room right now, would you like to see him?" He asked nicely.

"Yeah. Thank you." Addison said, letting out a sigh.

For her surprise her husband was already inside of that white room, he was still asleep and all she wanted to do was lie in that bed with him, but she had to contain herself and sat on a chair near him. His wedding band was nowhere to be seen, they probably took it off of him when they prepared him for surgery.

Savvy was waiting outside of the room and promised not to leave until Derek was awake.

Addison sighed and started crying again, she hated this. "I'm so sorry. I really am. I know I've said that a lot since you… came home." Her hand lied on top of his, hoping anytime now he would wake up and stare at her with those beautiful eyes he has, "You scared me, you know? When they called I thought you were dying and that I was never seeing you again. I was sos scared. I'm sorry for what I did, I couldn't be any more sorry than I already am. I'm deeply ashamed of what I did."

There was no response from her husband, just his calm breathing, assuring her he was alive.

"I had a rough day, I had drunk a bottle of wine, I was sad and I missed you. I'm sorry. I don't know how I just let myself down like this, how I just let him kiss me and…" She couldn't finish the sentence, because her sobs became louder and she couldn't control them. "I love you, Derek. I'm so sorry. You'll probably wake up and hate me again, just know I will always love you." She said, caressing his hand.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Shepherd…" A brunette woman stood in the doorway, "I just wanted to give you Mr. Shepherd's belongings." The shy woman came inside and handed Addison the bag that contained his clothes, his ring, his cell phone and a little post-it note. She smiled a little at the brunette woman and muttered a 'thank you'.

The woman was out of the door and Addison took the post-it note. She immediately recognized her handwriting and smiled.

'_love you, honey._

_have a beautiful day saving lives._

_Addie'_

That post-it note was old, the paper had a couple of stains that maybe belonged to coffee or spills of some liquid and it was quite crumpled. She smiled, truly smiled down at it. Addison remembers writing this note, she had written it about four months ago after the Genevieve Johnson case, a five year old kid that had died during surgery, a complicated glioma.

After Genevieve died Derek had been a little overwhelmed and defeated, so Addison started being extra sweet around him and used to leave notes inside of his briefcase or just send short texts during their shifts, sometimes random kisses in hallways. All of that made her feel like he wasn't that absent, but after the second month went by, he was just as distant as he had been for the last three years of their marriage.

If she only had guessed that today her husband was coming home early and she wouldn't have drunken that bottle, maybe she wouldn't have opened the door to Mark, maybe now Derek would be kissing her face after the long and exhausting day they both had.

If only.

She put down the note, leaving it back inside the bag, "The night Genevieve died I wanted to tell you I was ready to start trying. I know, we're not as young as we were eleven years ago, and maybe a high risk pregnancy is not my goal, but I was considering trying. I really was. Seeing you with that kid… I just knew it was time. I wanted to pour you a glass of scotch and tell you over dinner, but you came home late and she had not made it."

Addison said, rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand, "I'm sorry I made you wait, I'm sorry I slept with _him_, I'm sorry things ended this way. I'd understand If you don't want to see me ever again, I wouldn't want to see myself either." She said, looking at his peaceful face, his black curls, the small bruise on the side of his forehead, just like the bruises that had started to appear on her forearms.

Her eyes started to close, but she was woken up by Savvy touching her arm, "I'm sorry, I just wanted to check on you. Everything alright?"

"I don't know, Sav." Addison said, fear in her eyes.

Sav nodded understanding, "I'll go get coffee, want anything?"

"Coffee would be great, thank you." Addison nodded. Addison couldn't say no to coffee, considering she knew a hangover was going to kick soon and she needed to sober up.

As her friend left she was back on staring at him, he could hear him scream at her in her head,

_Get out my house! NOW!_

_We're not Derek-and-Addison anymore. _

The thought just killed her slowly, but after that she felt his hand moving against hers, surprisingly grabbing it, running a finger against her rings. She was stunned by him for just a second, until she saw him open his eyes. They were blue as they had always been, but they looked sad and exhausted.

"Addison... what…" He said softly, looking up to her sad eyes and ruined damp hair, he started to move, probably to sit.

"Shh… don't try to sit up." Addison said, dropping the bag of his belongings into the floor, standing up to sit on the edge of the bed, carefully not hurting him, "Are you in pain? Do you want me to call the nurse?"

"Just… fuzzy. I think."

"That's normal." She said softly, realizing his hand was no longer holding hers, it was just touching it, "Derek…"

"I thought I was going to die." He confessed, closing his eyes. "Your skin is cold."

She closed her eyes, holding tears again, "I'm deeply sorry."

Derek didn't answer.

"Derek, I know you're awake, I know you heard me." She said softly.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He said in a low voice, removing his hand from hers slowly, noticing the pain of the soreness along his body.

"I need you to listen to me." Addison said slowly, looking down at him, hoping he could just open his eyes and talk to her.

"I already did. Addison!" He was yelling at her? What was going on?

And then she opened her eyes and realized where she was, "Addison, what's wrong? A nightmare or something?" He said, touching her cheek, which was a little damp because of transpiration.

She sighed, "I dreamed that I cheated on you," She said carefully, "... and then you almost died, well you actually weren't that fucked up but I was all damp because of the rain and you were hurt and I… it was just a dream." Addison said happily and relieved, taking a deep breath, sitting up in bed.

"Wow I didn't expect you to have a nightmare after sex. I guess that's new." He teased, letting out a small chuckle, hoping that could cheer her up after such dream.

She made no more effort of keeping her feelings inside after this dream or nightmare or whatever it was, so she impulsively exclaimed: "I need to talk to you."

"Addie, you're sweating, why don't you have a shower, I'll change the sheets." He said nicely, brushing a strand of red hair away from her face.

"I want a baby." She said, staring at him in the eye.

He felt like his heart smiled, "Are you kidding or did you really think about it?"

"I want to have kids. I've thought about it since Genevieve and I know we have been distant lately, but… I want to experience that." She said with a smile, looking up to his gorgeous eyes, lost in the relaxing blue.

"Addison…" He said softly, a big smile growing on his lips. "I love you." He said, leaning in and kissing her lips, he pulled away, "Now go and shower."

"Only if you join me." That mischievous smile appeared on her lips and he couldn't deny he was tempted. "And, I love you too."

Derek giggled at her eyebrow raising, "I will follow your orders milady." He said getting the covers off of her naked body, grabbing her hand and kissing her lips softly at first, but then passionately. Addison stopped the kiss and got out of bed, being followed by her husband inside of the bathroom.

/

_yes i was bored and i decided to make this very short one shot and yes i might write a sequel, and yes i do hate myself very much because it's actually a very boring one shot._

_anyway, _

_pls review!_


	5. Beloved

_**WARNING: SUICIDE.**_

_also; sorry for disappearing for so long._

_/_

"All four of us have to deal with it, you're not the only one falling apart, Chris." She says as she ties her hair into a ponytail chasing her brother around the house.

He scoffs, "You make it sound like it's too easy."

"We used to talk, you used to tell me things, you promised you would take care of me, you promised it to dad." The young girl says raising her voice, doing gestures with her hands just like her mother usually does.

"I can't sit with the _freak_ during lunch, Minnie!" Christopher raised his voice at his sister. As soon as those words escape his mouth he regrets them, and it's painful to see the look on his sister's face when she hears him loud and clear.

"I'm not a freak, I'm your damn sister!" She shouts.

"Whatever, I'm leaving." Christopher said running down the stairs, Hermione right behind him.

"Not everything is about you, you know?"

"Enough." Addison says, walking towards the entry hall of the brownstone, "What on earth is going on?" The redhead stared at her children, surprised by all the yelling.

"I'm going to bed." Hermione announced, "Ask Chris." She said, running up the stairs as fast as she could, as she entered her bedroom she slammed the door.

"What is your problem with your sister?" Addison asked angrily raising her voice.

"Haven't you thought maybe it's your problem too mom? We shouldn't have come back." Christopher said turning around, leaving the house.

"Chris, come back here." Addison demanded, following him until he was too far away on his bike to be chased by a tired woman. As she entered back into the Brownstone, her eight year old was standing there, with glassy eyes. "Charlie, what are you doing up?" Addison asked her little boy, closing the door of their house and picking the kid up from the ground.

"I had a bad dream." He explains with that sleepy voice that melts her heart in awe. "I miss daddy."

She kisses her son's temple, "I miss daddy too, honey. Let's go to bed alright?" She asks her son, offering a small smile to the boy and kissing his temple.

The black haired boy nodded against his mother's chest as they made their way upstairs. - Derek had died a year ago from a car accident, the news certainly affected the family. Addison having the need of getting away and the need of distracting her kids, she decided they all would go living to the Hamptons house. The kids were home schooled the whole year until she decided it was time to come back home, to re-start.

She was deeply hurt since that one rainy night that she was called to the hospital because her husband had been in a car crash. The wound hadn't healed at all, but her kids were some sort of medicine that helped her pain go away. - Addison missed him all the time, everyday. She missed his smell, his voice, his laugh and how happy she used to make her feel; she missed her husband very much.

The last time she saw him was that night when they asked her to go identify her husband's body. She had felt pain in her life but seeing him like this, seeing him in that state, that's all she needed to never be the same person again. Happiness was never going to be as exquisite as it was with him or in a world in which he was alive, but she had to remain strong, smile a little.

As she puts Charlie to bed and walks passed Hermione's bedroom from which a sobbing sound comes from, she just stands in the hallway, taking a deep breath, wishing she won't step into a scene she could lose control of, but she gains some courage and takes another deep breath before knocking.

She's scared of seeing her daughter in pain again, it always terrifies her considering what has happened before. Sometimes Addison is too hurt by just thinking of her girl suffering, - or anyone of her children - not because it might hurt her soul, but also because it might encourage her to shed tears too.

"Babe? Minnie? Can I come in?" Addison asks, waiting from a response. "You don't have to talk, I'll do the talking, alright?"

"Alright." Hermione's voice says from inside.

Addison opens the door and enters her daughter's bedroom. The widow is relieved when she sees Hermione sitting at the end of the bed, hands holding her face, she keeps sobbing. Slowly Addison makes her way towards her, sitting down next to her, rubbing her back. "I know you miss your dad."

"Chris is such an ass. I know that's rude, but I can't help it. He's supposed to be here for me, we're all supposed to be there for each other." Hermione said, uncovering her face, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear, looking up to her mother.

Addison got closer and hugged her girl, "Your brother is struggling too, he wants to be here for you, but he misses your father too." Addison says, trying her best on not breaking down, letting her kid shed tears on her shoulder. "He'll be there for you always, just cut him some slack. Alright?" She asked her daughter, pulling away from the hug so she could stare at her blue eyes.

Hermione nodded, "Alright." She said trying her best on giving her mother a reassuring small smile.

Addison kissed her daughter's cheek and smiled at her, "I have something I found. Dad wanted me to give it to you. Come on, follow me." Addison says tilting her head to the side.

They went into the main bedroom, that was now Addison's room and used to be Addison's and Derek's. She walked into the walking closet, trying hard not to trip, considering there is a big amount of boxes hanging around.

Addison takes a diary from the middle of a cabinet filled with Derek's ties that she still kept there. "Here" Addison said, giving the diary to her daughter, "He wrote everyday of his journey as a dad, some days he simply wrote the date and added a happy face, or a word, depending what happened during the day. Your dad… he used to say it was the way he felt like he was communicating with your grandpa." Addison explains, feeling how the tears start to built, but keeping them there, not allowing herself to cry in front of her daughter.

Hermione grabbed it, "Thanks mom." The small redhead looked up to her mother, wiping a tear away from her cheek, "I'm going to take good care of it."

"I'm sure you will. He loved you very much." Addison said. She used to say that to all her kids, remind them their father loved them all a lot.

"I know. I loved him too."

"Go to bed, alright?" Addison said, tucking a strand of red hair away from her daughter's face.

…

_a few years but not too many years ago…_

"Ugh! I hate this game." Hermione sighs.

Chris chuckles, "That's because you always loose."

"It's not fair! You bribbed mom so she could teach you her techniques." Hermione says, rubbing her index finger to her temple, something she learned from her mother.

Derek scoffed, "Did you really do that? Addison!"

"He seemed interested, I gave in, sorry." Addison says from her spot on the couch, where she is dealing with a curious six month old baby that is trying to find her hair to pull it.

Derek pats her daughter's back as he keeps on watching how his kids play chess, "Don't worry honey, I'll teach you my techniques."

Hermione bit her upper lip and shake her head slightly, "Dad, I'm sorry to be rude but mom kicks your ass in chess."

"That is my daughter." Addison says from the couch, watching her little boy playing with her necklace, surrendered on the search for his mother's red hair.

。・°°・•・°°・。

"Didn't expect to find you here." Mark said approaching the teenager.

Christopher breathed, running a hand through his hair, "Uncle Mark…"

"You can call me godfather, you know?" Mark smirked, hugging the kid and patting his back twice.

Chris smiled at his uncle, "Beloved father, friend and husband, talented and gifted surgeon. Derek Christopher Shepherd." Christopher says reading the grave, "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

"It's been a year and twenty three days." Mark says.

"You're counting them?" Chris asks, looking at the man standing next to him.

Mark smirks, "It's inevitable."

"Mom misses you, we all miss you, you should call."

Mark shakes his head, "Nah, I don't want to bother. What are you doing out here anyway? It's past midnight."

"I was talking to dad. Minnie and I fought and I just needed some advice." Chris explains, sighing. "How about you?"

"I was going through some things and found pictures of us back in med. school, I came to talk to him too."

"I can't help but imagine him up there next to grandpa with a glass of malt scotch in his hand." Christopher chuckles, "Charlie still hums dad's song, though."

"He does?" Mark asks, surprised, "That song was legendary."

"Mom always laughs when she hears him hum it."

"_Has the mitral valve gotten too thick? Is that what made our cadaver so sick?_" Mark sings, laughing.

Christopher looks down at his father's gave, "Mom always used to tell dad he wasn't funny, to be honest I can't disagree more."

"Me too, he could be a goof when he wanted to."

"Yeah." The boy nodded.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Under the covers with a flashlight she manages to read and try not to wet the pages with her tears. '_Day 1 - February 15 - We have a boy. Christopher, after you. I love him. He has Addison's eyes, he looks quite a lot like Addison but he also looks very alike you, maybe it's the Shepherd hair. I can't believe I'm a dad! It's amazing, it's the best feeling in the world to look down at that small smile.'_

Hermione smiled and laughed a little between tears, if her dad would still be alive she's certain she would tease him about sounding like a teenager.

'_Day 754 - October 3rd - Woke up to a crying of joy woman. Addison held the pregnancy test like an award, two pink lines. Baby number two on it's way!' - _The excitement and the proof that he did write for years made her smile widely, she just kept pushing the pages until she found the day she wanted to read.

'_Keeping track of days seems meaningless now. She's here. - may 24th - Hermione. She's beautiful. It's too soon to tell but I know she's a warrior, just like her mother. Eleven hours of labor, eleven hours holding Addison. My life changed when the clock changed to 15:53 and I heard her cry for the first time. She has my eyes, red hair, she already smiles beautifully. You would adore her.'_

She closed the diary and left it on her nightstand, grabbed a pillow and hugged it, not too tight, being careful with her wounds that haven't healed yet, trying to calm her crying. She was daddy's little girl, she certainly had a much different connection with her dad than her siblings, probably because she wasn't involved in any camping trips or soccer games, but she was involved in other kind of activities, like painting his dad something for his office, playing on his lap with her dolls, her being Belle and him being the beast.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Chris opened the front door about two hours after he left home, Addison was in the kitchen drinking a glass of red wine, waiting for her reckless kid to be back home soon.

"There you are!" Addison says, leaving her glass on the kitchen island and walking quickly towards where her son was standing, "Where the hell were you?!" She asks angrily, both of her hands on her hips.

"I went to see dad, okay? Are you going to ground me for that?" Christopher challenged shrugging. "You're always on Minnie's side anyway." He said, running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he got from his father.

"You called your sister a freak, Chris. That's not you, you're not like this." Addison said taking a step closer, looking at her son with concerned eyes, "What's the matter with you? Is this about your dad, do you want me to find you a therapist? Do you need help?"

"Mom, just because Minnie cut herself doesn't mean I'll follow her steps." Chris said in a rude tone, "I'm fine, just leave me alone…" He said, shaking his head slightly.

"Christopher." Addison calls out before he can turn around to leave her. "Cut her some slack."

He shook his head, "It's not my fault she's suicidal mom, it's not my fault she's some sort of repellent from people at school."

"You could help her with that." Addison says. "You helped her the first."

"Mom, It's been a tough year. It will pass." Christopher said going upstairs.

She just stood there and didn't know what to do or say. It was true, all that his son said besides the freak thing and her daughter being a repellent. Hermione's situation was hard enough already, God, the whole situation was hard. Christopher was ignoring his sister at school, Hermione spent her monday and wednesday evenings at her new therapist's office, trying to talk her issues out. Her teenagers were struggling and she could barely focus.

Maybe Chris was right, maybe things would pass.

For God's sakes, she was listening to her seventeen year old kid, even her teenager was wiser than her.

…

_nine months ago…_

"I hate this! I hate it! I HATE EVERYTHING!" His sister's voice filled the beach house, a door being slammed came afterwards.

Hermione came down the stairs, mascara all over her face, she was wearing a shirt with long sleeves that covered her whole arms and she was wearing sweatpants. Addison was going down the stairs behind her daughter, "I need a goddamn explanation, Hermione." The redhead said firmly, grabbing her daughter's shoulder as they both went into the kitchen.

Christopher was sitting there eating a banana and just seeing this scene that was happening in front of his eyes.

"How long have you been doing this?!" Addison asked angrily, not letting go of her daughter's shoulder.

The teenager sighed heavily, "Mom, it's not a big deal." Hermione's voice was firm.

Addison sighed, "HOW LONG." she said again.

"A couple of weeks." Her eyes were starting to fill with tears.

Addison shakes her head in disappointment and sorrow, letting go of her daughter, "How the hell are you doing this to yourself?! To me, to your brothers… your…"

"Don't even mention him!" Hermione snaps, yelling at her mother.

Addison's jaw drops open at her scream, "Hermione Dawn Montgomery Shepherd!"

The teenager does a gesture towards her older brother, "Mom, Chris is here."

"So you do care about your brother hearing us argue but you don't care about yourself enough?!" Addison yells at her daughter firmly, clearly upset by the scene she witnessed as she entered her daughter's bedroom, "I told you that if you needed help I was here for you!"

"Mom!"

"Your father is gone and it's hard and we're all dealing with it, alright?! That is not grieving, Hermione."

The redhead teenager shakes her head and cries, "You don't understand!"

"Make me, then." Addison says, her fists to her hips, "Talk to me, let me know what you need. I am here for a reason."

"I don't want your help."

"Mom, Minnie… what the hell is going on?" Chris finally finds his voice.

Addison obviously didn't hear him and just walked around the kitchen, opening drawers and taking knives out, "I'm throwing away all scissors after I cut off all the goddamn sleeves from your shirts and i'll keep the knives under lock in this house!"

"Are you psychotic?!" Hermione yelled at her mother.

Addison took the kitchen scissors and walked towards Hermione, she held the sleeve of her daughter's shirt, cutting the whole thing, revealing the scars and fresh wounds.

"Mom, what the hell?!" Hermione yelled again, trying to cover them from her brother.

"From now on you ask for help, from now on you're taking care of my little girl!" Addison yells at her now. Now she's going through rage, but later she'll deal with the pain and sadness.

"Mom… Hey, chill. Minnie, go upstairs." Chris intercedes, walking towards his sister and mother, taking the scissors away from Addison's hand, smiling softly at his sister who is now filled with more tears.

Hermione did as told and she went upstairs.

"Mom…" Christopher says taking a step closer to his mom, looking into her scared eyes and realizing she's terrified. He pulls her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back.

"I just wanted to take the dirty clothes to do the laundry and I found her… cutting her arm… I just couldn't…" Addison says, cutting herself off as the tears start to fall. She hates showing herself weak in front of her children, she hates that she yelled at her baby girl and went all Freddy Krueger on her daughter about ten seconds ago. She feels like an awful mother.

Derek would have known what to do.

He ends the hug and meets her eyes, "Hey, it's okay." Chris says, rubbing her arm.

"She's my little girl, I just want to protect her." Her shaky voice says it all.

"She'll be fine, it's just a rough patch. Mom, we will find help, okay? Minnie is going to be just fine." Christopher assures her, offering a small smile.

"Don't you dare doing anything like what your sister did, do you hear me?"

"It's a rough patch, mom."

Addison looks down, "I don't want her to suffer, I don't want her to commit-"

"I know, me neither." He cuts her off before she can pronounce _that _word. "We will help her and we won't do psychotic things such as cutting off people's sleeves." Christopher said offering a smile to her mother who was still in tears, cheeks damp.

。・°°・•・°°・。

He knocks on the door but he believes she's asleep so he just lets himself in, "Hey", he mutters sitting at the edge of the bed, "I was a jackass earlier. I didn't mean to be that rude to you… I just had a moment." He sighs, "I went to see dad, uncle Mark was there. Um, he sent you his best."

Hermione pretended she was asleep and just kept listening to what her older brother had to say, "You're not a freak, you're just… I guess you're sad, _we're_ all sad." He sighs, "I guess I miss dad. I miss his stupid jokes and his pasta. I miss him singing to mom. I miss when we used to go to his office at the hospital and he would explain us things about the brain that we really didn't care about."

A laugh comes from the pillows and he knows she's awake, "So you're really awake and I'm not having a conversation with the wall, huh?" Chris laughed.

"I miss him too." Hermione said, "Remember when he tried to explain how to clip a brain bleed?"

"Oh God, I remember getting a headache because I didn't understand a word." They both laugh, "Sorry for earlier."

"It's fine, I called you worse when you weren't here." Hermione laughed a little, "Sorry for that."

"I forgive you." Her brother said, patting her feet twice. "Hey do you think you could skip a couple of classes tomorrow?"

"I could, why?"

"We could go to that pizza place you like during lunch time, and get just at time for ninth period, what do you think?"

"I like that plan…"

"Good." Christopher smiled down to his sister even if he could barely see her.

"Goodnight Chris."

"Night Minnie." He said standing up from his bed and leaving her bedroom, closing the door very carefully behind him.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Addison sighed, tired of this whole situation, tired of having to see her kids yell at each other, tired of feeling her heart ripping apart slowly everyday she enters the master bedroom. It's hard. Things are hard.

She enters her walk in closet and does something she hasn't been able to do due to her kids needs and protests, which is: organizing the closet all over again. It's hard to concentrate at first because she keeps staring at Derek's clothes and tries her best on not bringing her nose to any of the shirts, because she knows his smell could slay her.

As she digs through boxes containing her clothes that had been sent from the Hamptons house, she finds three small pair of scrubs, pink ones, navy blue ones and clear blue ones. They belonged to her children when they were babies. They're so diminute she's in awe staring at them.

A laugh scapes her lips, she shakes her head slightly, it's almost like she can repeat when Derek gave her Christopher's pair of scrubs just about a couple months before he was born, it's like a movie inside of her head. A very beautiful film she doesn't get bored of.

…

_not too many years ago…_

"Addie?!" He called her name as he listened the door of the brownstone opening that late evening.

She sighed and dropped her purse on the floor, "I'm home!" She yelled, letting him know she was home.

He went running downstairs, "Don't walk into the kitchen!"

"Why?" She looks at him suspiciously as he approaches to greet her with a kiss.

As their lips break apart he looks into her eyes and smiles, "I got something for you… and _him_."

"You really like calling him _him_, don't you?" Addison chuckles, cupping her belly with her left hand, her rings sparkling.

He tilts his head, "Yeah, a lot."

"Derek can you please proceed with the surprise or the gift or whatever you got us? I'm really tired and thirsty and I'm exhausted and…"

"Close your eyes, don't peek!" He cuts her off, knowing she was really tired after a long shift and also knowing that carrying a human being inside you is not that simple.

She does as told and allows Derek to guide her inside of the kitchen as she fights the need of peeking. "Open your eyes." He instructs, squeezing her hand lightly.

Addison opens her eyes and sees the pair of blue navy scrubs sitting on the kitchen island. She smiles, "You bought mini scrubs for our baby?!" She looks at him, smiling, joy in her eyes.

He nods, "You like them?"

Addison wraps her arms around him, "I love them." She says against his ear, trying not to squeeze herself too tight against him, certain she's huge right now and a little sweaty after a long hard-working day.

"I'm glad you love them."

"I'm scared you will have to buy him more pairs of those because I'm never taking him off of those." She smiles, rubbing over the spot where her son is kicking, "You're so sweet." She says, pecking his lips, "Babe, um, don't get me wrong, but I was really looking forward a hot bathtub and ice cream in bed now."

"I'll fill the tub." He says, kissing her temple, offering a soft smile.

She sighs, "Thank you."

…

Maybe it wasn't a fairytale kind of moment when her husband brought the mini scrubs home, but it certainly meant a lot. She laughs when she remembers how she used to drive Derek crazy during her pregnancies, the three of them; The cravings, the crying, the hormones that obligated her to cut him off with sex whenever she had a chance, the foot rubbing… the labor part.

It felt bad to think she will never be able to live it again, just remember it.

The tears start to built but they're stopped because a warm hand lands on her shoulder. She turns around, "You're up?"

Christopher sighs and sits down next to his mother on the carpet inside of the closet, "Are we okay?"

"Of course we are, honey. I just don't like it when you treat Minnie like that, you know she loves you and she's… she's trying." Addison says patting her oldest son's knee, looking at him in the eye, "Be a little more supportive." The gulp in her throat aches, thinking that her baby girl did such thing breaks her heart.

"I know. I think she should keep being home schooled, mom. She liked being the best in the class all the time, didn't she?" He chuckled a little.

Addison chuckles, "Yeah."

"I'll make it up to her for being a jerk." Chris says, looking down to the small scrubs in front of her mother.

She smiled at him following his gaze towards the tiny pieces of clothing, "You do that. She will always forgive you though, you're her favorite person."

"Besides dad."

"Yes. Besides dad." Addison echoes.

Chris stands up, "Going to bed, need anything?"

"No, thank you baby. Have a good night's sleep."

"You too mom. Don't spend too much time staring at those unless you're deciding whether to adopt babies that could fit in those." He jokes, smiling.

She returns the smile, "Go to sleep." Addison orders her son and sees him leave the room.

Some people say that it is kind of dangerous to open those doors that make you go through memory lane, but Addison Shepherd thinks otherwise; for her it's a gift being able to remember and to cherish all those beautiful times and all those horrible times that made them stronger.

Addie finds the picture… her lips curl up into a smile and her blue-greenish eyes drain a couple of tears.

It's a photo of Derek and the kids when they were little, Charlie wasn't born yet and she was the one who took it. It's in the lake, River Hall. The three of them wearing fishing hats, Hermione wearing her cute red boots, all of them have matching blue shorts that look ridiculous but cute. Christopher is in the middle holding a fish, Derek is pointing at Christopher's fish and as for Hermione? Oh, she's arm crossed rolling her eyes: 'the vivid image of her mother' Derek used to say.

…

_not that many years ago…_

They're sitting on the living room couch, both of them wearing pajamas, "Oh my God, I'm going to make so many copies of this picture, I'm going to hang it everywhere: My office, The hampton's house, our bedroom, over the fireplace, I'll even send my sisters a copy!" He laughs going through the pictures they took earlier that day.

Addison laughs beside him, hoping their laughing won't wake anyone of their kids. "You're so mean." Addison said trying to catch her breath.

He pulls his wife closer to him, allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder, "Ah! This is a masterpiece."

"Poor Minnie. When she brings her first boyfriend home we're going to show it to him." His wife giggles.

"Definitely." Derek nods.

Addison sighs, "Poor baby."

"She looks exactly just like you, look at her expression, the pursed lips, the crossed arms, and those rolling eyes, _so_ you!"

She hits him playfully, "Don't you dare criticizing the rolling eyes."

"What kind of example are you for our daughter?!" He teases her, smiling.

She rolls her eyes, "In my defense she could barely hold the _thing_ and she felt overwhelmed."

He scoffs, "The _thing_ is called 'fishing rod' and since when do you get inside our kids minds and read their thoughts?"

"She _was_ upset. Didn't you see the pouty face?" Addison points out.

He nods, "I did. I've seen that pouty face a billion times, even before she was born." Derek says, looking into his wife's eyes.

"Hey, she's my doble, deal with it." She says, kissing his lips softly, holding his jaw with her hand, but still she allows him to pull away.

Derek looks down to the picture, "She still has my eyes."

"Yeah… but she has my jaw and hair." Addison says looking down to the picture as they kept on discussing this.

"The point is we have very cute children." Derek says.

Addison chuckles pointing at their oldest son with her index finger, "Chris was so happy with his fish."

"He was."

"Are you still pissed that he requested on not eating it?"

"A little… but well, Minnie didn't help that much by commenting it was like a really big _nemo_."

"Yeah, about that, I'm concerned they will have nightmares involving that matter."

"Relax! They will crawl inside of our bed anyway." Derek says, kissing her temple and rubbing her back.

。・°°・•・°°・。

_yay, sad addek. i always thought they had kids, i always imagined them with kids and yes to addek children. the mini scrubs thingy was not my idea, credit to that one addek writer that i dont remember who it was…_

_hope you liked, personally i cried a few tears of my own writing this. I know its a little harsh that i decided to kill derek, but i just got really inspired. and yup, i still think if addison and derek had a daughter her name would be hermione._

_hopefully you enjoyed the flashbacks, the sadness, the dialogue, etc… also i have experienced suicidal thoughts and actions so… i tried my best on making it 'light' by writing about it, i just wanna be clear that i dont find it 'light' at all, ofc, ive struggled with that and its horrible, if anyone is feeling depressed, help them, if theyre suicidal, help them get help, talk to a professional, let your internal wounds heal._

_lov u all._


	6. Microwave

_hi! so it's corona time and my quarantine anxiety obligated me to start writing this. I just thought that addison and savvy must have had some sort of rachel-monica relationship so i thought that maybe savvy and derek had a rachel-chandler relationship! So, here's a little of quarantine vibes for y'all, involving the beautiful addek and savvy in the middle of all of this…_

…

"Hey, Sav?" Derek speaks on the phone, the new scrub nurse, Adelaida, is holding the phone on his ear. "Are you busy now?"

"Derek!" Savvy says on the phone, sounding like she's smiling. "Hi. Um, no. Is everything alright?"

"I need your help." The neurosurgeon sighs on the phone as his eyes are still on this man's brain, "I'm in the middle of an aneurysm and Addison is pretty sick, could you come pick her up? She offered to wait until I'm done but I don't think I'll be out of here for a couple more hours."

Savvy giggles a little, "You're asking me to babysit your wife?"

"My wife is also your best friend, you know?" Derek says, smiling a little.

"I'll be there in twenty, let her know I'm coming for her." Savvy says, grabbing her things from her office couch; her purse and coat.

"Sav, do you remember who's Addison?" Derek snorts, knowing his wife quite too well.

Savvy laughs on the phone, "Oh right." It's obvious Addison would get upset if her best friend showed up after her husband requests so, "I'll be there in twenty, finish doing whatever you're doing with that man's skull."

Savvy ends the call and indeed is at the hospital in less than twenty minutes. Addison looks more than surprised when her best friend walks towards her.

"Sav, what are you…? Derek called you, didn't he?" Addison says, covering her mouth to release a cough.

"He did." The blonde woman nods, "Now, save me the speech of 'my husband is such an asshole for bothering you' and let's get you home." Savvy says, offering her redhead best friend a smile.

"I would hug you really tight right now but I don't think my bacteria would do you any good." Addison jokes, putting on her burgundy coat that makes her hair look even better.

Savvy nods at her best friend, "I think so too, so please try not to sneeze in my car."

"I'll keep my bacteria where it is, then." Addison jokes as she grabs her purse and starts walking down the hall next to Savannah.

…

It was a beautiful day in New York, a little windy but it was beautiful. It was sad to have to spend the afternoon trapped inside of a big house and having to take care of a sick woman. But Savvy didn't care, she loved and appreciated her best friend and would set a camping tent in there if needed.

As they walk inside of the brownstone Addison flops on the couch and closes her eyes, sighing. The headache she's had for the past ten minutes is already killing her, and the soreness on her long legs make her feel even more exhausted. She sighs again, and opens her eyes to spot Savvy walking inside the kitchen.

"I'll cook you some soup, alright?" Savvy shouts from the kitchen as she drops her purse on the kitchen island.

"Fine!" Addison shouts back, coughing a little she stands up, kicking off her shoes and taking off her coat. Addison goes upstairs to the master bedroom, where she undresses from her designer clothes and picks fresh pajamas.

"Addison Shepherd, you are not getting inside of those pajamas just yet. I'm filling the bathtub for you like it or not."

Addison rubs the back of her neck and looks at her best friend with an annoying look, "Sav, I'm 35 years old, I don't need a babysitter."

"Your husband and your coughing says otherwise."

"Sav…"

"And please don't touch me or obligate me to get you inside of that bathtub, Weiss and I have a date tonight and I don't think she'll want to make love to a woman full of booger."

"Fine. Just for the record, you would be smoking hot with or without booger dripping out of your nasals." Addison complimented her friend, adding her best smile to the sentence.

Savvy laughs as she turns on the hot water for the bathtub to fill with, "There I disagree. Now, shut up and get naked." Savvy says from the bathroom, walking outside and watching Addison take her sweater off. "Hey, hey, hey!"

"What now?!" The redhead rolls her eyes dramatically, "You asked me to get naked, that is what I'm doing." Addison says, annoyed.

"These have never been too big." Sav observes.

Addison scoffs at the comment, "You're a pervert, Savannah."

"No, I am not. What I am: is your best friend, who has seen you half naked a million of times because when we were roomates there was barely enough space for us not to see each other's beings."

"Now _that_ explains why Derek thought we had an affair during our college wild lives." Addison says with a laugh, unzipping her skirt.

"Hey, I am no bisexual or lesbian or whatever, but I do know when someone my same gender is attractive, and you my friend, you're a catch."

"Shut up."

"But for real, if you'd asked Mark Sloan for a boob job you would have told me, right?"

"Sav, I _would _tell you but I won't because I'm not having one of those. And I would never ask Mark Sloan for a medical consult on myself." Addison says, pointing a finger at the blonde woman in front of her.

The sound of the brownstone door opening and Derek's keys falling on the table next to the coat closet makes Addison shiver, "It looks like you already did it though, _unless_…" Savvy says, raising an eyebrow.

"_Shut_ your mouth." Addison points at her once again. "Sav, _don't you dare_ say a word."

"Addie?" Derek calls from downstairs.

"I'll go tell him you're taking a bath, but we'll discuss this." Savvy says, smiling warmly at her best friend, "Is it what I'm thinking it is?"

Addison nods mutely.

"You don't seem too happy, are things okay?" Savvy asks, lowering her tone.

Addison shakes her head, "Of course I'm happy. It's just that… the last time we talked about kids I said no and I said I didn't think I was ready and then he agreed and I don't know if he agreed because he thinks so or if he agreed because he was tired of me complaining about stuff."

"Addie, he'll be vomiting rainbows after you tell him." Savvy says, smiling herself, thinking of her best friend carrying a baby in her arms, and not any baby, _her own _baby. "And you two will be the greatest parents."

"You think so? What If I end up being the second version of Beatrice Forbes but with better hair?" Addison asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Savvy laughs at this, "You would never be like that. I've seen you with children, you're great and you always know what to say or what to do. Me on the other hand? I would freak out and strangle all of them."

"Please don't strangle my children." Addison scoffs, "I want you to be the godmother but I can't let you anywhere near my kids if you're willing to strangle them."

"I won't strangle them… even if they get Derek's boring hair instead of your red curls." Savvy winked at Addison.

Somehow that makes Addison feel a little better, being teased by Savvy. It lights up her mood and her worries seem less worrying after talking to Savannah about it.

…

"Hey!" Derek greets the blonde woman, "Is Addison alright?" Derek asks, greeting Savvy with a kiss on the cheek.

The blonde woman tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles, "Yeah she's fine, I just filled the bathtub for her and I was about to cook her some soup."

"Good. I hate that she caught the flu, you know how cranky she gets when she feels sick." Derek says running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, she'll be fine though, you know she gets better quicker than you." Savvy laughs remembering when Addison and Derek first started dating and he had gotten a cold, Addison was all over him, buying tissues for him and looking for house-made remedies online.

He sighs, "I'm glad you're here, helping her. I… I felt helpless this morning when she said she wasn't feeling so well, I insisted she had to stay but you know her."

"She's stubborn." They say at the same time.

"Yeah." He nods. "Should I expect for Weiss to demand why I took his wife away?" He asks Savvy, taking off his coat and opening his briefcase that shows a countless amount of paperwork to be done.

"Nah, he's at the office, dealing with new clients." Savvy giggles, "He misses you though, as soon as Addie feels better we should make plans for dinner."

"That will depend if Addison allows me to keep her home tomorrow." Derek says with a laugh. "Do you know if she's okay… in every way?" Derek asks, dropping the paperwork on the living room table, looking at Savvy with those concerned blue eyes.

"What do you mean?"

He sighs and looks into Sav's eyes, "I don't know, I just feel like she's been weird. Acting different."

"How come?" Sav totally knows what he might be talking about, the whole pregnancy stuff. Addison gets nervous immediately when she doesn't know how to handle stuff, so naturally she was going to be acting strange, not to mention her hormones must be acting wild these days.

"She doesn't want me to touch her or cuddle her too much, she's annoyed easily. Has she told you anything? Do you think she might be mad at me?" He asks with a tone that informs Savannah that he's worried sick about his wife, which is almost… _sweet_.

"Have you told her that?" Savvy asks.

He scoffs, looking down a little embarrassed, "No."

"Well maybe you should tell her you feel her a little distant. I'm sure she'll tell you if something is wrong." Savvy says, walking a step closer to Derek and patting his shoulder twice, trying to comfort him.

"Thanks Sav." He says, smiling at the blonde woman, being thankful to have such great friendships.

"It's okay. Now, go upstairs, don't kiss her on the lips if you don't want to be the next one in bed and I'll go cook that chicken soup." She jokes, pointing a finger at him.

"Thank you for helping me with Addie."

"Always!" She says, disappearing inside of the kitchen.

…

He finds her getting out of the tub when he comes upstairs. "Hey." She says, her body wet and slippery, she wraps herself on her light green robe. "You came home early." Addison comments, watching how he approaches her.

"You're sick, I had to come early." He smiles at her, "you're beautiful, you know that, right?" He says, observing her features closely.

She shakes her head slightly, looking at him in the eye, "Don't tell me pretty lies that make me want to kiss you." She teases, tucking a strand of her wet hair behind her ear, looking at his blue beautiful eyes.

"It's not a lie." Derek says, resting a hand on her upper arm over her fluffy robe, "You're beautiful, and I wouldn't mind to get sick just to get a kiss from you." He says all flirty, cupping her jaw, touching her warm skin from the warm water she has just been touched by.

She grabs his hand away from her jaw and walks past him, grabbing the hair dryer from the bathroom counter. "Addie…" He looks at her through the mirror. "Is everything alright between us?"

"What do you mean?" She asks alarmed, turning around.

He shakes his head, "Never mind." He says turning around, ready to leave the bathroom to let her get ready for bed.

"No, Derek. What is it?" Addison asks taking a step forward, waiting for him to turn around again, touching his upper arm, obligating him to pay attention to her question.

He turns away and grabs her hand, squeezing it lightly, "You've been acting weird lately, you're quiet than ever, you're annoyed easily when I talk to you about anything at all."

"Derek…"

"Are you mad at me?" He asks with concern on his voice.

"No, I would never be… I'm just exhausted." Addison says, squeezing his hand slightly, trying to assure him everything is okay.

He sighs, still worried, "Why are you exhausted then? You can't tell me it's because you're sick, you've been acting like this for weeks."

"Derek…" She says, sounding exhausted again.

"Addie, whatever it is you can tell me." He encourages his wife to speak to him.

"No, because If I tell you, you will want to kiss me and take me to bed and do all kinds of things to me and I will want to do that too and we can't do that now because I'm scared I will sneeze on you or cough on your face."

"I don't understand."

"It's nothing bad, it's the opposite of bad. Just try not to kill me until I feel better."

He smiles a little, feeling less concerned than before, "Fine." Derek gives in.

"Okay. Now go make sure Savvy hasn't set our kitchen on fire." She smiles up at him and squeezes his arm gently, pushing him out of the bathroom through the door and smiling.

…

"Eat." Savvy says, holding the spoon close to her mouth. "Addie, eat!"

The redhead shakes her head, keeping her mouth closed. "Are you seriously going to obligate me to call your husband so you eat something?"

The redhead smiles a little at the word _husband_, they have been married for six and a half years and it's insanely crazy how much she loves him, "I'm not hungry." Addison says, crossing her arms over her chest, her head against the bed frame.

"Derek, do you mind coming over here?!" Savvy says raising her voice to a volume that Derek could listen to.

"Savannah!" Addison protests.

"Someone's cranky." Derek comments entering the bedroom, he's wearing his pajamas and he's wearing his reading glasses.

"Not me." Addison says pointing to herself.

"Yes, you." Derek says sitting down on bed next to his wife, brushing a strand of hair away of her face, taking the spoon from Savvy's hand. "Sav, go home if you want to."

"No, I've got to make sure she eats and I know she's capable of stripping so you can shut up and don't bother her." Savvy says seeing how Derek approaches the spoon to Addison's closed mouth.

Her eyes turn glassy and Savvy knows Addison is about to cry. "Derek, why don't you go make her some lemonade, I'll keep obligating her to eat."

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Derek says, looking into Savvy's blue eyes.

She winks at him, "Yes, I can." Savvy assures him, taking the spoon from him, being extra slow not to spill any of it on the bed. "Just go." She encourages him.

Derek is out of the room and Savvy is dropping the spoon back on the tray, taking it off of Addison's lap, and embracing her best friend, "What's wrong?"

"I almost told him, and I wanna tell him, but I'm sick and horny and I don't wanna eat your stupid soup." Addison says, letting a tear go down her cheek as her best friend keeps holding her close.

"Dear, my soup is amazing, not stupid." Savvy says trying to light up the mood, but it doesn't help because a couple of tears run down the redhead's cheeks, "how about you eat some soup, you drink the lemonade your gorgeous husband is making for you and we wait to see some results, okay? After that I will encourage your husband to make love to you." Savvy says pulling away from Addison's arms and wipes a tear away from her cheek.

"Savvy… I'm exhausted." Addison says, pursing her lips trying to keep herself from crying. "I don't like being sick, you know that. And I'm growing a person...it's exhausting me."

"Addie…" Savvy says, running a hand through her friend's arm, trying to show some physical support.

Addison sighs and rubs her temple, "I can't take an advil because I don't wanna poison my child or risk a miscarriage."

"Okay then you _will_ eat my chicken soup. You're the one who sucks at cooking, I'm the one who doesn't." Savvy says with a slight giggle, handing Addison a tissue for her to dry her tears. "Believe me, Derek will love the news once you tell him, just calm down, don't overthink too much."

"Fine, give me that spoon." Addison says, sighing heavily.

…

After the redhead stubborn woman has eaten, and had watched a marathon of _friends_: Addison has finally fallen asleep and Savvy is grabbing her stuff to leave the brownstone. She makes her way downstairs, finding Derek on the living room table, finishing his paperwork.

"You're leaving?" He asks looking up from the mess of papers.

The blonde woman nods at him, "Yeah, she finally fell asleep. I took her temperature and she doesn't have a fever, she says her sore throat improved but the headache hasn't changed much." Savvy says, taking her coat out of the coat closet.

"Thank you Sav, for coming and taking care of her while I was working, I'm sorry I pulled you out of work." Derek says standing up from his spot on the couch.

"Anything for Addie." Sav says, taking a few steps closer to Derek, wrapping her arms around the man her best friend has loved the most. "Thank you for taking care of her, for caring enough to bother me in the middle of the day."

They end their hug, "I talked to her but she didn't tell me." Derek says, his sad expression back on his handsome features.

"Believe me, she'll tell you or you will realize yourself if she doesn't tackle you and obligate you to have sex with her." Savvy laughs and pats his arm, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an impatient-waiting-husband at an italian restaurant hoping I will show up."

"Tell Weiss thanks for letting me borrow you." Derek smiles as he guides her to the exit of the house.

"Will do, kiss Addie goodnight for me." Savvy says, kissing Derek's cheek and exiting the brownstone.

…

He's surprised to see the lights on when he walks inside of his bedroom, "You're up… feeling any better?" Derek asks, spotting his wife lying in bed with the lights on, she's staring at the ceiling, probably thinking about something.

She looks up to him, "Yeah, I feel better now. My nasals are a little bit more cleared up." She giggles, stretching out a hand for him to grab.

Derek gets inside of bed and watches his beautiful wife, he grabs her hand and runs his thumb over her palm. "Wanna tell me now?"

"Derek…" She looks down to their united hands.

"I can control my impulses, you know?" Derek giggles a little, knowing it would be difficult but would be accomplished.

She gets closer to him on bed and her toes find his, "Just hold me." She requests. He does it, he lets her rest her head on his chest and hold his hand tight, "You can't cry."

"Why would I cry?" Derek asks, running his extra hand through her red hair.

"Last night I found out I'm 8 weeks pregnant." Her tone is light and sweet, but he can tell she's nervous as she speaks.

His jaw drops, "You're kidding me." He looks down to her pale blue eyes.

"Are you happy?" She asks him in a low voice that is almost a whisper, insecure of his surprised expression.

"I'm thrilled!" He says, raising his voice, filled with joy. He embraces her, and rubs circles on her back as he kisses her face: both cheeks, forehead, nose and chin. "We're pregnant!" He exclaims, a smile playing on his lips.

"We're pregnant." She echoes, nodding. She's looking into his teary blue eyes. Her lips curl up into a smile and she can't help capture his lips with hers.

"I love you." He tells her, pulling her towards him for another hug.

She kisses the side of his neck as they keep holding each other, "I love you more."

"Wait!" He said pulling away, "If you're sick… doesn't this damage our child?"

Addison smiled at his concern and the way it sounded when he said '_our child'_, "It's a cold, Derek. I'm an experienced OB/GYN, don't you think I would insist for you to take me to a hospital?"

"Okay… But if your body temperature goes just a celsius higher, I'm taking you to the ER." He said, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.

"You're such an amazing dad already." She said, smiling dreamily at him. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_." Derek said softly, bringing a hand to her stomach, rubbing it slightly. "For this and for being the most amazing wife."

She smiled at him and kissed his lips softly. Suddenly she pulled away, "Do you think we should name Sav and Weiss as the godparents? I know I'm paranoid out of habit, but she mentioned something about strangling them…"

"Addie." He laughed, "She was probably joking."

"Oh no, she was, but the concern is already building up, Derek." She says, sounding serious.

"Well… we have a few months to think about that closely." He said, "you know, and there's always Nancy." He smiles brightly at his wife and kissed her lips softly once again.

"Or Amy." She said between kisses.

Derek pulled away and kissed her cheek, "Can we please not talk about my sisters in bed."

"Wait, you think you're getting laid tonight?" Addison asks with a small laugh.

"Yeah…"

"Derek I have a cold, we're not doing this."

"We already have done _this_ during worst illnesses than a simple cold."

"You're right, but I'm an 'oven' now and ovens get tired of baking cupcakes." She said, pecking his lips quickly and getting comfortable in bed, getting ready for a good night sleep.

"Goodnight, honey." He said softly, caressing her red curls.

"Night." Addison muttered before closing her eyes.

"Wait, if you're the oven, what am I?!" He says, interrupting the silence of the bedroom.

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, "I don't know. The microwave?" She said, bursting into laughter.

…

_AHHH okay. at first i was like "this is not a pregnant addek one shot"_

_did i lie to myself? i obviously did. anyway im happy this one shot has a happy ending and well, enjoy your quarantine. currently working on more addek crap i hope you'll enjoy._


	7. Beloved II

_No, i know nothing about river hall so i just supposed its a normal river or lake or whatever and i supposed addek could do things like what i wrote on this one shot. If you have been to river hall and you can prove me wrong, i apologize honey._

。・°°・•・°°・。

Derek has a thing for fishing.

He also has a thing for ferryboats, but fishing is a main part of his hobbies since he was a kid. It took him a whole week to finally find a way to convince Addison to take the kids fishing to River Hall. He even bought the four of them (Addison, Hermione, Christopher and himself) matching fishing hats and blue shorts.

Hermione was small and was thrilled to go fishing even if she had never gone before, the excitement she had seen in her father's and brother's faces had influenced her to _really want _to fish. Addison on the other hand, knew her little girl was going to end up annoyed.

"Do we have everything we need, captain?" Derek asked their son, who was adjusting his fishing hat.

The black haired boy nodded excitedly, "Yes sir!" Christopher is almost six years old and is quite smart for his age, already knows how to read and has successfully learned to write properly after he struggled with it for a while.

Hermione sighs, "Mommy, I can't find my sunglasses." The four year old drama queen says. Her red hair was joined in a messy ponytail her father had done for her.

"What are these in your head, silly?" Addison asks her daughter with a teasing tone, smiling at the toddler, pointing at her red sun glasses sitting on her perfect little head.

"Whoopsie!" The little girl giggled and put them on, "Look who I am, mommy! I'm daddy!" Hermione said pointing at her father who indeed was wearing his sunglasses as well.

"Twins!" Addison giggles, picking up her daughter and letting her rest against her hip. "Let's get your coat so we can leave, alright?"

Derek helps Addison to get the kids into their coats and check if they have everything they need for their fishing evening. As they climb into the car and ask more than three times if anyone needs to use the bathroom, they're gone for River Hall.

。・°°・•・°°・。

"Are we there yet?" Hermione asks, kicking on the driver's seat.

"No, not yet, honey." Derek says, "Minnie, could you stop kicking my seat?"

"Oh, I'm sorry daddy." Hermione says, adjusting her sunglasses. Yes, she is indeed wearing them even if the day is a little cloudy.

"It's okay, just don't do it, it bothers." Derek explains.

The little redhead girl nods, "Okay."

"Do you think we'll catch something?" Christopher asks.

Derek nods, with a smile playing on his lips, "I think we will, but when we get there we have to be quiet not to scare the fish."

"Why did we bring Minnie? She's always loud." Christopher asks looking out the window.

"Hey! I'm not loud. _You_ are loud." Hermione says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I am not, you are!" Chris insists.

Hermione purses her lips "Mommy, Chris said I'm loud." The little girl exclaims doing emphasis by pointing at her older brother.

"Kids, no fighting in the car." Addison instructs, with a firm tone.

Derek's hand falls onto her lap, "Easy." He whispers at her.

Addison rolls her eyes at this.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Addison takes off her sunglasses as she gives the lake a good long look. The view is beautiful and the kids are already playing with a kite near the water, they're taking turns and Hermione is struggling to hold on tight so Christopher is helping her.

Derek's hand comes to rest on her lower back, and he drops a kiss on the side of her neck. "They're adorable, aren't they?" Addison asks Derek, not taking her eyes off of her beautiful children.

"They are." He nods. "Wanna help me with the worms?" He asks with a giggle.

"How about we wait a couple of minutes until the kids get bored of that kite and Christopher is willing to help and learn?" Addison suggests, looking into her husband's eyes with a mischievous grin.

Derek pecks her lips, "Worms aren't that bad, Addison." He says, tucking a strand of hair away from his wife's face.

"They aren't my favorite either." Addison points out, smiling at him, happy to see him so free and happy around the kids and having fun with his worms.

"Fine." He shakes his head slightly.

The kids laugh and Addison looks back at them at the sound, "Mommy, look how high our kite is!" Christopher yells, pointing at the kite.

"It's very high!" Addison smiled at her little boy and grabbed Derek's hand as they walked the kids run around with the kite. "Careful with your sister!" Addison warns, seeing how their little fet are too close and being a little worried they could step into each other and start another sibling fight she'll have to take care of.

"Addie, chill a little. Is everything okay?" Derek asks, rubbing her upper arm, looking into her greenish eyes with worry.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just not so thrilled about fishing, you know that."

"It'll be fun, I'm sure Chris will have a great time and maybe our daughter will turn out being more like her father than expected!" Derek said, smiling at Addison, making her chuckle.

"Oh, shut up. We both know she'll hate it." Addison says, looking back at the kids.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean, you've been kind of off since last night." Derek says, looking at the kids just like his wife, fighting at smile when Hermione throws water at his brother.

"I'm fine, Derek." She tries to assure him.

"We'll talk about it later." Derek says before kissing her cheek and walking towards their beautiful children.

She sighed, frustrated; because she knew her husband was serious about 'talking it later', she knew Derek wasn't going to drop the theme so quickly and he would keep pressuring her until she says what's on her mind. That's the way it has always been and the way it will always be.

The kids get bored of the kite after a couple of minutes and Derek helped the kids wind the kite string. After that they took the fishing rods out of the jeep and Chris helped his dad with the fishing bait. Meanwhile the girls, Addison and Hermione, were doing skipping rocks, or at least Addison was meanwhile Hermione just threw rocks at the lake.

The rented fishing boat had room for the four of them. Addison was fighting the smell of the bait but certainly enjoyed the view and her family. She hated fishing, but she could enjoy it if she was accompanied by her favorite people. After a while of waiting for a fish to be fished, Hermione started to pout.

"I'm bored, mommy." The little redhead girl whispered in her mother's ear. Addison tried her best not to laugh and thank God, she succeeded.

"Why is that babe?" Addison whispered back, talking quietly as Derek had instructed them because they could scare the fish.

Hermione sighed heavily, "The fish are taking too long. Why can't they hurry?!" The redhead said, crossing her eyes over her chest, looking incredibly cute wearing that hat and those red boots.

"I don't know, honey. Maybe if we wait a little longer they will come." Addison suggested.

"I can't even hold that thing Chris is holding. I'm bored," Hermione said, adding her classic pouty face.

Addison pulled her daughter closer and kissed the back of her small hand.

After a while Chris finally caught something, Hermione's eyes sparkled in excitement for her brother's success at fishing but after seeing the fish on the hook of the fishing rod she immediately pouted again and looked away.

"I don't like fishing." The little redhead stated, grabbing her mother's hand and watching her father and brother celebrate. Addison had to smile at this. Her daughter being an exact copy of herself was simply hilarious.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Back on dry land: Addison takes the camera and takes some pics of the kids and Derek. Hermione doesn't look happy and her parents can't blame her. Chris is happy as a cricket, beaming excitedly about catching his first fish, besides it feels good to win at something, the competitive behavior clearly comes from both of his parents, mainly Derek.

"Oh my God. Chris, you caught _Nemo_!" Hermione said, pointing at the fish he was holding.

Addison knew this was bad so she put the camera aside and walked towards the crew, hoping this would not develop into a traumatic scene for her kids. "No, Minnie, this is a fish. Nemo doesn't live in a Lake, he lives in the ocean." Christopher said.

"What if this fish is friend of Nemo's?!" Minnie said, dropping her jaw open.

"Honey, I can assure you he doesn't know Nemo." Derek said, knowing what his kids were capable of, knowing the Montgomery-Shepherd children were quite wild at times.

"I agree with daddy." Addison said, "This fish seems to be quite a farmer."

_Why on earth did I just say that?!_

"A farmer?" The three of them replied.

Addison's cheeks blushed, "Yeah… he doesn't seem like fancy fish."

"I think so, momma." Hermione said, nodding.

Chris nodded mutely and Derek tried not to burst into laughter.

。・°°・•・°°・。

"Did you really say our fish wasn't _fancy_?" Derek laughed, helping Addison take their pic-nic stuff out of the car.

Addison sighed, "It was better than letting Minnie make him upset again, you know she's an expert getting on his nerves." She said, brushing a strand of red hair out of her face, trying to hide a smirk away from her face.

Derek chuckled, "It was a good thing you said that. To be honest, I think it was a great way of saving us some yelling and crying." Her husband says in that lovely way that makes hr heart melt over his charms.

"Thank you for acknowledging my motherhood skills." Addison said, smirking at her husband, taking a few bottles of water out of the car and walking over the wood table they were setting their things on.

Derek settles the picnic basket on the table and walks closer to his wife, "Just for the record, I've always acknowledged your motherhood skills." Derek whispers to her ear with a seductive voice. After that he is on his way to teach the kids how to do 'proper' skipping stones.

。・°°・•・°°・。

It's been a while and the kids have finally learned how to do skipping stones. Hermione surprisingly learned pretty quickly, but Christopher struggled a while with it, blaming his clumsy hands. Suddenly Chris asked "Dad, where's mom?"

Derek turned around, hoping to see Addison sitting on one of the chairs around the table or just walking around. But she was nowhere to be seen. "Maybe she went for a walk!" The redhead toddler said, turning around and grabbing a rock, ready to keep doing skipping stones.

"I'll go find her, okay? Don't move. Chris, take care of your sister." Derek instructed, pointing a finger at his son, just to make some emphasis.

Derek pats his boy on the shoulder and goes to find his wife. He walks away from their spot, trusting she is nearby.

Addison is standing behind a tree, holding her phone to her ear. Her back towards him. Derek cannot quite understand what she is saying, but she certainly sounds angry and upset. Maybe this call explains why the behavior lately, maybe there's a situation he is not aware of.

He walked closer and cleared his throat trying to catch her attention, but she didn't.

"For God's sakes, Archer! I'm not showing up, I already told you many times, just stop calling and texting." Addison said, ending the call.

She turned around and gasped when she saw her husband standing there, with those worried eyes. "Addison… what was that?"

"Just Archer…" She said, sighing, tucking her phone on her denim jacket pocket. "I rather not talk about it right now."

"Is something wrong?" Derek asks, not tired of insisting, clearly. "Addie, just tell me."

"Bizzy and The Captain are celebrating their 40th anniversary. I'm not showing up and that is what I was telling Archer, that there was no way I was going."

"So that's what's been bothering you, huh?" He walked closer to her and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't like the topic… the whole Forbes-Montgomery thing doesn't thrill me and you know it. I just thought that maybe if I didn't think about it, it would go away from my thoughts and I was clearly wrong because here i am: screwing up our family day and just… I'm sorry, honey, it wasn't my intention not to tell you."

"I understand, it's okay. Just… you should learn to open up to me about these kind of things, you're too stubborn."

"I know! I know! It has been a long week and you've been struggling with the Peterson case and I didn't want to put any more weight I your shoulders."

"Come here." He instructed, opening his arms to embrace her.

She did as told and wrapped her arms around her husband, taking a deep breath, allowing him to take care of her and kiss her jaw, showing some support. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Addison whispers.

"It's okay." Derek says, rubbing her back. He pulls away after a couple of seconds, "Let's go see the kids before they do something silly. Shall we?" He asks his gorgeous wife with a charming smile.

"Let's go." Addison concedes with a nod and a smile.

。・°°・•・°°・。

After their picnic and a half hour of hearing Hermione complain about bugs, laughs from the boys and Addison sighing every time the smell of fish bothered her, which was almost every two seconds; they went home. The kids fall asleep on the car during their trip which is not ideal because that means they will have problem with falling asleep at night, because of this reason Addison tries everything possible to wake them up including: loud music, fake coughing, saying things like "wow!" really loud, etc.

The good news is that the fake coughing worked at the third attempt.

They got home: everyone immediately got inside of their pajamas and the one who needed it; took a shower. Derek tucked the kids to bed meanwhile Addison washed the dishes and put their clothes to be washed. After the kids have finally fallen asleep, Derek goes to the kitchen, spotting his wife drinking a glass of red wine and reading something on her laptop. "Hey." He said softly, catching her attention almost immediately.

"Hey." She said in a soft tone looking at him in the eye.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, walking towards her, getting to stand behind her and kiss the back of her neck, wrapping his arms around her.

She sighs again, the billionth time today, "Re-reading the stupid email I received from Bizzy. I thought I should show it to you." She said, adjusting the screen for him to be able to read better.

_Hello Addison,_

_You must already know your father and I are celebrating our 40th anniversary,_

_I'm writing you to invite you, Derek and the kids to the party. _

_Hopefully we'll see you there._

_Bizzy._

"No date?" Derek asks after reading the incredibly succinct email.

She shakes her head mutely.

"So, when is it?"

Addison rests a hand over his hand, "Tonight."

"How do you know?" He asks surprised.

"Because I've went to all her anniversary parties since I was born." Addison says with a scoff.

"No you haven't." Derek says, knowing that for certain.

Addison takes another sip of her wine, "Yes I have."

"You haven't since you married me."

"That's because I made it very clear to my mother when we got married that I wasn't interested on being invited because I know myself and I knew I would flip out like I am doing right now." The redhead sighs, again.

Derek moves his hands to her shoulders and starts massaging her, "And Archer called you today… huh?"

She nods slightly, "Begging me to attend… almost like we were a perfect happy family."

"_We are_ a perfect happy family." He whispers in her ear.

"_The Shepherds _are a perfect happy family." Addison says correcting him, not taking her eyes off of the screen, reading the email over and over again, even if Derek's magical fingers are a distraction. "Also, why does she call you by your name and doesn't call the kids by their names?! She has barely met our children and she wants me to bring them there?"

"Addie, chill." Derek said, stopping the massaging and taking a seat next to her.

"No! She doesn't even know her grandchildren names and she has never cared enough for me or Archie and she expects us to go over there. Worst of all; her marriage is horrible, alright? My father has cheated on her a million of times and they keep acting like it's okay." She sighs. "My own father cried after I was born, but not because of joy, because he was afraid I was too ugly. Newborns are ugly at first, alright?!"

"I know it's upsetting..." Derek said, rubbing her upper arm, "... and you don't have to reply to her or anything. Just relax, okay?" He said, looking into her blue greenish eyes that sparkled with anger still, "You did nothing wrong and you shouldn't be feeling upset because of this. She's the one who hasn't been family-active, not you. I know you, and I know that if Bizzy or The Captain would have ever wanted to come over here and visit the kids you would have said yes with no problems."

She smiled a little.

He closed the computer and kissed the top of her head, "Now, I suggest we distract ourselves and check the pictures from today."

"I accept your suggestion." She said standing up, leaning closer to her husband and kissing his lips softly, "Thank you." She muttered after breaking the kiss.

"Always." He said pecking her lips and turning around to look for that camera.

Addison took another sip of her drink and walked towards her husband, who was now sitting on their living room couch turning on the camera. He looked up at her and patted the spot next to him, inviting her to sit down with him. She did and immediately had to giggle when she saw a picture of Hermione taking a bite of a broccoli she was obligated to eat.

"Oh my goodness, when did you take that?" Addison laughed, staring at the disgusted face of her daughter.

"When you weren't looking." He said, giggling.

Addison snuggled closer to Derek and rested her head on his shoulder, looking down at the camera screen. "Aw, that one is pretty." She said, pointing at a picture of herself and Hermione sitting by the lake. "Minnie was pissed I allowed the fishing trip, though."

"Of course she was, she's the mini version of you." Derek said.

Addison slapped his arm playfully.

"Ow." He said dramatically. "Chris had a great time though. Maybe next time I'll go with him and Mark and you can have a girls day at home. How does that sound?"

"I like the idea." She nodded slightly as another smile had to come to her lips when the best picture came up. "Jesus Christ," Addison muttered, bursting into laughter, covering her face against Derek's chest.

"Oh my God, I'm going to make so many copies of this picture, I'm going to hang it everywhere: My office, The hampton's house, our bedroom, over the fireplace, I'll even send my sisters a copy!" Derek laughs.

Addison laughs beside him, hoping their laughing won't wake their kids. "You're so mean." Addison said trying to catch her breath.

He pulls his wife closer to him, allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder once again, "Ah! This is a masterpiece."

"Poor Minnie. When she brings her first boyfriend home we're going to show it to him." His wife giggles.

He kisses the top of her head, "Definitely." Derek nods.

Addison sighs, "Poor baby."

"She looks exactly just like you, look at her expression, the pursed lips, the crossed arms, and those rolling eyes, _so_ you!"

Addison hits him playfully again, "Don't you dare criticizing the rolling eyes."

"What kind of example are you for our daughter?!" He teases her, smiling.

She rolls her eyes, "In my defense she could barely hold the _thing_ and she felt overwhelmed."

He scoffs, "The _thing_ is called 'fishing rod' and since when do you get inside our kids minds and read their thoughts?"

"She _was_ upset. Didn't you see the pouty face?" Addison points out.

He nods, "I did. I've seen that pouty face a billion times, even before she was born." Derek says, looking into his wife's eyes.

"Hey, she's my doble, deal with it." She says, kissing his lips softly, holding his jaw with her hand, but still she allows him to pull away.

Derek looks down to the picture, "She still has my eyes."

"Yeah… but she has my jaw and hair." Addison says looking down to the picture as they kept on discussing this.

"The point is we have very cute children." Derek says.

Addison chuckles pointing at her son on the picture "Chris was so happy with his fish."

"He was."

"Are you still pissed that he requested on not eating it?"

"A little… but well, Minnie didn't help that much by commenting it was like _nemo_."

"Yeah, about that, I'm concerned they will have nightmares involving that matter."

"Relax! They will crawl inside of our bed anyway." Derek says, kissing her temple and rubbing her back.

"I love you, Derek." She mumbled on his ear.

He smiled and kissed her lips softly, "Love you more."

"Imposible." She said, snuggling as closer as possible, holding his hand as he kept scrolling through pictures.

…

_thank you for reading! pls let me know your thoughts on the comments. lov y'all._


	8. Blue Jay

_After watching "Blue Jay" for the 10471 time, my (small) romantic heart decided to write an addek version of his romantic movie. I'm obviously adapting it to Addison's and Derek's lives, so it makes more sense and you guys will (probably) enjoy a really good cry plus an addek breakdown! enjoy this one shot._

_BTW; If you like this idea of me copying romantic movies and adapting them to addek, let me know with a review, please! Already did this with a marriage story._

_Disclaimer:_ these characters aren't mine! (sadly, cuz i would have treated them SO much better.)

。・°°・•・°°・。

Another cold and snowy December, kids playing with snow, christmas trees all over the city, people stressed out looking for a perfect present for their loved ones, and some people just trying to find a way to get away from those loved ones.

A redhead, tall woman reading a bottle of shampoo, maybe her skin is too delicate for any kind of chemical. Apparently something about the product's description makes the woman giggle a little and shake her head. The man near her looks up from the cereal boxes and notices he's seen that person somewhere else. Or maybe it's the familiar fancy coat that this unknown woman is wearing.

Or the wave of her perfume smell is the one that catches his attention.

He's not sure yet.

Unless, she's not that _unknown._

"Addison?" He smiles a little, surprised by seeing her here. As far as he knew, his ex wife was living away, in some beach near malibu or maybe finally living in her dream city, San Francisco.

The redhead woman looks up and moves some hairs away from her face, looking at the man that used to be her _loved one._ "Derek?!" She made a confused but funny look at him and shakes her head, "Hi," She greets him, "I haven't heard of you in years." Addison is surprised to see him here, it's strange to see him after so many years, after burying their history and making their happy memories just some things she _once_ had and live_d_.

"To be honest I've heard pretty much a lot from Amy about you. How are you?" Derek asks. He's surprised too. The love of his life (The _ex_ love of his life) was supposed to be having one surgery per week and sipping mojitos at some beach filled with palmers in California.

She sighs, "Good, very good." She gives him an assuring smile and nod, just to make some effect. "What about you, McDreamy?" Addison teases him, knowing that was the nickname they had for him. Feeling like an immature teenage kid, calling her _ex_ names.

"Good." He doesn't sound very sure and certainly Addison doesn't believe him, but who is she to judge? Not his wife at least. "And you?" They both make a weird face at each other, "I already asked you that, didn't I?" She laughs and nods.

"You did." There's an uncomfortable silence in which they look at each other and Addison can't help but look into those sad eyes.

Reminiscing, right? It's scary, it's weird to even think about their stories together, their good times and years, their long walks through central park, their long nights holding each other, those long sixteen years knowing and getting to know each other.

_Our eyes met over a cadaver… and I knew I had to have her._

Derek looks down to her feet for a second, no high heels in sight. LA does change people, apparently. "So… Are you living here now again? Or…" He is curious about her new life, who she's married to now. Yes, he knows she's married, he's pretty much heard everything from Amelia.

"No, no." Her voice is soft, not angry. "I'm here to see my brother." She explains.

"Archie."

"Yeah." She sighs just a little, which surprises Derek a little, enough to alarm him something is wrong. "I was just getting some… shampoo, hair conditioner, you know? Basic things a woman needs."

Oh, he knew. He knew all about her cosmetics, creams and special products. He used to tease he about how much she cared of being beautiful and looking young, when without makeup she was already an angel to him.

He runs a hand through his hair, "I don't wanna make you get late to… wherever you were going after getting shampoo but…"

"Yeah." Addison was once a Shepherd, and lived with one for years. She knew Derek better than she knew herself, in ways she could surprise them both, so, her _yeah _was a reply to...

"...coffee? Maybe a drink? I assume you're still a martini lady." He says.

She scoffs, greenish eyes staring at him, "I have changed my favorite cocktails actually, I'm a wine witch these days." _That's New, Addison! WINE WITCH?! creative. Wow._

"Wine witch? Wow." He chuckles, she makes a face and looks down to her feet, a little ashamed by that stupid comment.

_My thoughts exactly._

"Your taste for alcohol has evolved." Derek teases her.

"It has." They both laugh, "What about you? Still a scotch fisherman?" Addison smiled shyly, bringing up that year they shared together in Seattle.

"Still." He nodded.

"Well…" A small and shy smile still on her lips.

Something guides each other to hug the one another. A really short and awkward hug, in which both feel familiar but strange about it anyway. After their hug breaks, her shy smile is not the only one.

He is showing her a shy smile too, "Your hair is different again, some sort of Ryan Gosling imitation." She chuckles a little, remembering the seductive comment she made all those years ago about Derek having a _Russell Crowe_ kind of haircut.

Derek shakes his head and tries not to laugh, because, yes he does remember that comparison to Russell Crowe too. He could also remember that night every time he walked by some glass or material in which he could see himself, Derek would give his haircut a look, making a mental-list of all the reasons why his haircut was nothing like Russell Crowe; He obviously ended up with no excuses about it, but did mentally add the cause; "_because Addison has a thing for Russell Crowe"_.

They made their way to the parking lot after buying their items, where she found her car and left her things. He followed her and she couldn't understand why until, he opened the car next to hers.

"Coincidence?" She teased him again.

"I don't think so" They said in unison and laughed.

Addison tucks a strand of red hair behind her ear, "Um, about coffee or a drink… We both know it will never happen if I get inside of this car and ride back home, right?

"True. You read my mind. Do you need to get to use that shampoo too urgently?" Derek teases her.

She shakes her head slightly.

。・°°・•・°°・。

They both knew the city way too good not to find a good coffee shop around the corner. They sat there and ordered coffee. The coffee place was mostly empty, besides them there was a kid and a woman. What, do people stop drinking coffee because it's winter? Oh, right, they drink hot cocoa, just like they used to when they were married.

It was almost Christmas; the thought of them spending christmas together just as when they were in med school, still haunts his mind each december. He rests a hand on his own shoulder, rubbing it, taking a sip of coffee.

"I heard about your mom." That's one of the million things he was thinking about and choose that one to spit out. "I was really sorry to hear it."

"Well, it was unexpected and, as you might already know, I was the one who found her." Addison sighs, remembering her mother's suicide, not exactly a lovely picture in her mind right now.

"I'm really sorry, Addison." Derek says, sounding honest. She's certain he doesn't know the real story, but he did get the pleasure to meet Bizzy Forbes, so he understands it might have been hard for Addison.

"It's okay, Derek. If God is a woman, my mother is probably trying to seduce her and she's probably getting to plan good things for me."

"Or maybe Bizzy is manipulating God."

"Or the devil!" Addison laughs, making Derek half choke on his cup of coffee.

He points at her, "That was cruel."

"Okay, it was." She says nodding, smiling a little, looking down at her latte. God, she drinks lattes now; ten years ago she would have made so much fun of herself.

"You're not religious anyway." He shrugs.

"Only for Christmas." Addison says, looking up to her former husband.

He nods, "Right, only for Christmas."

"Isn't it weird? Us, meeting after all these years, during christmas time… It seems strange."

"It kind of is." Derek admits, remembering that Christmas was their season, their favorite time of the year.

She sighs, fighting all the thoughts of the long years she used to call herself his wife, "So, how's the Shepherd clan?"

"Well, I wouldn't be here if Nancy wouldn't have called three weeks ago, crying, all puffy and depressed." Derek says, sipping his coffee again, noticing Addison has barely touched hers.

"Please tell me none of her kids was injured or anything." Addison says, concern growing on her. Derek knew how much his former wife used to care about his sisters' children, they - after all - used to be their family too.

"No, it was mom. She… She passed away a couple of weeks ago. She had a tumor on her right lung."

"Oh My God, Derek." Addison is surprised, "I had no idea." She says, offering him a hand to grab.

He grabs it, he doesn't know why but he just takes her pale skin hand and squeezes it gently as he _used_ to, "Now I'm here, living inside of that house, taking a break… spending more time with my nieces and nephews."

"I'm so sorry, Derek." Her eyes seem sad. Addison liked Carolyn Shepherd, they were never that close, but she knew his mother and she knew Carolyn was a great person, mother, grandmother and maybe she disliked Addison, but it was because she cared of her children.

"It's okay. She was diagnosed three months ago, we were prepared." He shrugs a little, letting go of the redhead's hand, "She died happy and filled of joy, you knew her, she loved her grandchildren." Derek smiles a little remembering his mother.

"Yeah...It must have been so difficult for you guys. I'm really sorry." She repeats.

He looks up to her greenish eyes, "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Now you're living here, then." She says, taking a deep breath, "I assume you're still with Grey."

"Yeah… I'm, not really. We adopted a little girl some years ago and… well, we're trying to make things right. She's in Seattle now though." He tells her.

"Well, I'm sure you guys will make it." Addison says, encouraging him somehow, but at the same time something in her eyes indicates sadness, maybe prom night all over again through her thoughts.

"Yeah… Um, Amy mentioned you got married a couple years ago." Derek says, grabbing a napkin to clean his chin from some coffee drops.

"I did! I did. His name is Jake, he's… he's great. He's really great."

He clears his throat, "Is he here with you?"

"No, no. He's in LA taking care of Henry… I adopted too!" She says, smiling widely at Derek.

"That is great, I'm really happy to hear that. Good to know california has been treating you well." Derek says, sounding more sincere that she expected him to be.

"Yeah, it has. Sam and Nae had another kid, they remarried, did you know?"

"I had no idea! Really?" His dreamy smile comes up and that sensation in her chest surprises her.

"I guess they were really meant to be, huh?" She says, chuckling a little. He nods awkwardly, as they both remember what Savvy said when they were still married; '_You guys are gonna make it. You were always meant to be.' _

At first she doesn't think his mind thought of it too, but when she meets his gaze and sees the sadness and regret, she knows it. They're remembering the same. They both feel as there's a gulp growing on their throats, a punch in their stomachs.

"We could go to that ice cream place you liked, remember?" He chuckles a little, remembering how much time it took her to convince him to try the peanut butter ice cream.

Addison laughs, "Oh God! I completely forgot about that place. I was the only person who ordered-"

"Peanut butter and mint ice cream?" He laughs, cutting her off, as he keeps on trying to catch his breath, not being able to stop the laughing.

She shakes her head, "You liked it too, don't deny it."

"Okay, I never _liked_ it, I just approved it." Derek says, holding a laugh.

"Fine, let's go over there. I bet Miss Kendrick will not recognize us." Addison says, grabbing her purse.

"_If _she's still alive." He says, standing up from his chair, he notices her staring, "What?! wasn't she like ninety years old when we were in med school?!"

"She was not that old, Derek!" She says with a laugh, taking money out of her purse, leaving it on the table.

"Addison, she was old as hell." Derek says, putting on his coat.

"You wanna bet?" Addison asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Let's bet." He nods.

And they do bet. Addison wins if Miss Kendrick remembers them, the peanut butter and mint couple. Derek wins if Miss Kendrick is not there or if she doesn't remember them at all. What do they win? They don't know exactly. Maybe the chance to built a new victory against the other and bring it up whenever they argue… _right_… they could not be able to do that either way, since there's nothing that unites them anymore.

Vows have been broken, just as both of their hearts.

They have moved on.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Derek opens the door of the ice cream place for her, letting her in first, like a gentleman would, like her actual husband probably does for her. She smiles shyly at him as they both walk inside of the place. It's exactly how it was that first day she took him there, told him the story of how she found this place.

She used to go with Archer all the time when they were kids, obviously behind Bizzy's back.

"Customers!" A little blonde kid shows up in their way.

The little boy is so cute and her heart melts as she sees those cute green eyes looking up at her, "Oh hey!" Addison says, reading the name on his uniform, "Jacob… um, does Miss Kendrick still work here?"

"Grandma! They're asking about you!" The little kid runs and disappears behind a door, from which an old woman comes out of silent seconds later.

"Excuse the little boy, he's a little shy." Miss Kendrick says, offering a friendly closed lips smile.

"Is he your grandson?" Addison asks.

"Yes he is, isn't he adorable?" Kendrick asks, looking at the redhead woman in front of her.

"He really is." Addison nods.

"How may I help you?"

"Oh, we'll take two cones." Derek answers.

"Two cones?! It's winter out here, how come you guys want ice cream, what about a donut? That's at least not frozen." Miss Kendrick started her typical speech. "You could catch a cold! Or some sort of virus."

Addison and Derek exchange a glance, trying not to laugh in front of the old woman, like they used to during med school, internship, residency, fellowships and finally during their first attending days until… it all pretty much broke apart.

"Yes, we would like two cones." Derek insists after Miss Kendrick has taken a couple seconds to catch her breath.

"Alright then." The woman shrugs, "You know, some years ago this young couple used to do the same, didn't matter the season, they would always eat ice cream here, and they were my only customers on Christmas morning…" The woman says, reminiscing inside of her head, looking for the couple of cones before asking for the flavors they wanted.

They know the story quite well, they lived it. The 'young couple' was them before Mark, Meredith, before Seattle even had a meaning in their lives, before panties were on his tux, before it all.

"Really? Those young love birds sound lovely." Addison says, nudging Derek when he lets go of a small chuckle. "SHH." She mutters looking at him.

"Yeah! They reminded me and my Harold." The woman said, turning around, meeting Addison's eyes. Miss Kendrick always talked good about her husband Harold, as they recall, "You two do look a lot like them."

"We do?" Derek asks with his charming smile, exchanging another glance with Addison.

"You do." The woman looks at them for a couple of seconds, creating an awkward silence, "Anyway, ignore this old lady, which flavor would you guys like?" Kendrick asks, gesturing to the variety of ice creams.

"Peanut butter and mint." Derek says, smiling friendly at the woman.

"Christ! You're just like them." The woman chuckles a little, probably melting into Derek's charm.

"Oh I'm pretty sure they're the most popular flavors." Addison says, satisfied with herself, knowing she just won a bet.

"Not really. Other couples order vanilla and chocolate, maybe cookies and cream, but never...Are you sure you guys aren't Alison and Derek?"

Derek scoffs, "You caught us." He wants to laugh hard at the fact that Miss Kendrick said Addison's name wrong but did remember his.

"I can't believe it!" The woman says, handing them the cones. "It's the love birds." She looks too happy it hurts the chests of the former spouses.

"Yeah, it's us." Addison nods, taking her cone and Derek's before handing it to him. There's a melancholic feeling they can't help but feel, and it's just like one of their first christmas mornings over here, almost like Addison is still an intern and he is still an intern, there's a feeling that makes them feel a little homesick.

Old habits are missed sometimes.

The woman smiles, "I had heard you guys moved away, at first I thought you had found my secret recipe somewhere else and forgot about me." The old woman jokes.

"Oh, we would never!" Addison says, smiling at the old woman, liking her ice cream, tasting the flavor of the best years of her life.

"Addison can't cook anyways." Derek laughs before trying his ice cream. Addison shoots him an annoyed look.

The old woman finds his joke funny and laughs, "So I guess you two are still married?" She asks, hopeful eyes looking at them.

Her cheeks flush a little, "Yeah! About to be eighteen, right babe?" Addison says before Derek can intercede and break the old woman's heart, she looks at Derek, expecting him to follow her lead.

"Of course, honey." Derek says, grabbing Addison's free hand.

"Oh! That is wonderful. Any kids?" The old woman asks a memorable grin on her face.

"No, not yet." Addison says in a small voice he cannot quite read.

"What a shame! You would have beautiful children."

Addison smiles at her, "Well, it was great seeing you."

"It really was, how much is it?"

"Oh no, you're my best clients, it's on the house." The old woman says.

They fight it a little, insisting at least paying the half, but the woman rejects the offers and says goodbye to both of them in a lovely way.

The nightmare is over as they walk out of the ice cream place, holding hands still, it's awkward but it was for a good cause, for an old woman's smile. They're both wearing their wedding bands, except that they're both from different marriages.

They break physical contact, their hands falling onto their sides, "Sorry for that, I just didn't want Miss Kendrick to feel all…"

"Depressed?" He finishes her sentence.

"Yes." She nods as they start walking through the street.

"She is right though." Derek says.

Addison is confused, right about what? Right that they would have had beautiful children? "About what?" She asks, trying to kill all the doubts and questions inside of her mind.

"About the freaks that we are," He laughs, "we're the only ones eating ice cream in December."

Well, he's not wrong.

"I had forgotten how good this ice cream is." Addison says, closing her eyes as she tastes it.

"Me too. Remember that one time we took Nancy's kids there?" Derek asks his ex wife.

She chuckles, "Of course I do. Miss Kendrick did know my real name by then." Addison says.

"It was nice." He says.

"Nice?"

"Yeah, seeing you, seeing Miss Kendrick, eating…"

"You lost the bet through." Addison says, her triumphant tone reaching his ears.

He shakes his head, "Fine, how much do I owe you?"

"How about if you owe me a favor?"

"How come?" Derek looks at her in a funny way he knows she'll feel a little bothered.

She shrugs, "I don't know, maybe in the future I'll need something from you, and well I don't you would move mountains for me unless I pay you, I'm still the woman who ruined your life in some way, so… a favor." Addison says.

"Fine. You win." Derek nods, approving the explanation he didn't really need. "Why did you come see Archer?"

"He… it's a long story." Addison sighs. He knows that kind of exhausted sigh, he knows it and knows how to read it well, he knows something is wrong and Derek knows her too well, she's stubborn, she won't open up easily, unless she has changed since the last time they saw each other. "All I can say it's that we're alone now, Archie and me. The captain is living in some place in Italy and we don't have Susan or Bizzy to keep us in touch somehow, it's just us." Her voice sounds sad, which alarms him a little.

"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it." They both nod at each other, a silent _it's good to have you here_.

After a while, Addison cuts off the silence between them, "Where are your sisters?"

"They went to the hamptons, um, they felt like they needed a break."

"All of them said yes to the hamptons? Together? Even Lizzie?!" She asks, surprised.

Derek scoffs, "Mom passing away made them feel a little too weak to keep acting like things were okay, so I stayed and they went over there to clear up their minds."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Addison says, patting his arm with her free hand.

"It's okay, really. I guess a needed a break from work and Seattle too." Derek says, looking at Addison's sympathetic smile. "Where are you staying? In Connecticut with Archer?"

"No, not really. Um, I still own the brownstone." She says, remembering the day he left her everything, a house in the hamptons, a brownstone and eleven years of marriage that involver pictures, items, books, clothes. She still has it all. She still owns it all, she still has to deal with all of it.

"Really?!" He's surprised.

"I'm staying in the guests bedroom, our room is filled with boxes I haven't finished getting rid of and maybe will never." She giggles nervously, just a little, at the mention of _their room_.

"Do you know if there's still one of my text books over there?"

"From med school? I think I have the whole Derek Shepherd collection." She laughs, "But my notes were more complete, I think you know that."

Derek shakes his head slightly, "Hey, you were the one seducing me during anatomy class, it was not the other way around, I was just trying to pay attention."

"You stared at me anyway." She laughs, those blue greenish eyes staring at his ocean eyes.

Old habits don't change sometimes.

。・°°・•・°°・。

Somehow they both end up inside of the brownstone, fighting all the memories this house has been part of. Everything is still as he remembers, the same furniture, the same smell, everything is the same, except for the excess of boxes and dust.

Addison excuses herself to go to the bathroom and leaves Derek free to walk through the place, free to touch and open boxes that contain too much information.

Maybe it was a mistake to allow him in here, allow him to dig into one of the boxes, because he finds things he had forgotten they existed. It's a picture of Derek at Carolyn Shepherd's house, he's holding Kate's youngest kid that year, and Addison is on the green grass, reading some romantic novel she was obsessed with that summer.

He smiles at the picture, not believing that used to be his life; family time, summer afternoons with his ex wife, nieces, nephews and sisters. Life used to be sos full of joy. It's not that it is not anymore, it's just that things aren't as he expected them to be in Seattle.

There was a time that he thought she was the love of his life, (sadly) things change.

Does he regret some of his actions?

He surely does.

But when his former ex wife walks towards him he just leaves the picture in there and stands up straight acting like he did not see what he just saw. Acting like he's not emotionally affected by what he just saw, acting like it's normal to be staring at his ex wife and have to know she is that exactly; his _ex wife._

"Found anything interesting?" She asks, gesturing to the one box she suspects he was digging in. She knows this man quite well, she sees how his face expresses some sort of sad look at her, and she knows what that box contains, because she filled it with all that meaningful stuff.

"Not really." He shakes his head, lying, trying to not get Addison to ask him more questions, "This place looks and smells the same, doesn't it?"

"Lavender candles." Addison nods, holding a laugh. Derek used to tease her about her obsession for those candles, but she didn't mind being bothered by such silly reason, she actually laughed at his silly jokes and sometimes even lighted up one of those.

"Do you know if there's this picture with me and Amy?"

"Depends which one, there's thousands." Addison says, smiling a little. He frowns at her, just a bit, and that bit makes her give an explanation that is not needed, "You know I used to take candids behind your back all the time." An explanation not needed that sadly reminded them both that they had history, _if _this house, this feeling, the lavender candles, the dusty boxes hasn't made them realize so.

"I'm looking for the one at our wedding actually… um, when she… you know." Derek does a gesture with his hand that somehow he thinks will explain that picture's situation. "When she hugged me from behind and her face looked so small next to mine, and she was laughing and then you laughed, and then Amy almost fell and we laughed more…"

Addison has a blank expression he can't read, and he's afraid he has made her feel upset about reminding her such thing.

"You don't remember, do you?" He's Derek and he can't help being him.

"I do." She says in a low tone, "She joked about how you looked like a penguin in a tux." She chuckles a little, a cheeky smile on her face that fades away quick. "It's,um… It's not here. I have it actually."

"You do?"

"Yeah, at home. In LA. When I was packing to leave Seattle I found it wrapped in an old sweater I had for some reason and I just- I kept it." Addison says, blushing a little.

He breathes and looks into her eyes expectant of something else, "You think you could…"

"Find a way to send it back to you?" She really does know how to finish his ideas, "I could send it to your address, but in case you're still living in the middle of the nowhere I will send it to the hospital, if that's okay with you, of course." Addison says.

Derek smiles a little. His former wife used to be a planner. A list planner, a party planner, she always planned things perfectly and never ever forgot a date. Didn't matter what kind of relative it was, she would always remind him they had to pick a gift.

"That would be nice, thank you Addison." He says.

There's silence.

More silence.

Silence that is interrupted by an ashamed Addison, "I'm sorry, I'm being rude, would you like anything? Uh, water? A beer?" She asks, playing with her bracelet.

"There's beer in here?" He laughs a little at that, staring at her embarrassed self.

"Believe it or not I did buy some beer." She says, walking away from the living room boxes, through the hallway, being followed by Derek.

As they enter the kitchen, he's sad to notice it, there's only two mugs in the mug stand. His and hers. They were a wedding gift from Savvy and Weiss; their first mugs for their life together. Of course it seems like a boring and basic gift, but they were the really useful ones and they did love having something to drink coffee in.

As Addison takes a cold beer out of the refrigerator, he talks, "Have you seen Savvy and Weiss yet?"

"No, I haven't. I miss them though." Addison says, sorrow in her face and voice, something is off about her, and he's a little surprised, because she keeps to seem down, and it hasn't been going away. "Have you?" She asks, handing him the beer.

He takes it, "Thanks, and no. I haven't. Kate told me they adopted."

"They did?!" Addison's eyes shine with joy, and he feels good to see that part of her again after a long time. After all there's still things that make her feel happy. "I had no idea. They must be so happy." The redhead woman says, taking a cold beer for herself.

"Cheers, for Sav and Weiss." Derek says, charming smile.

"Cheers." Addison said, holding up the beer bottle in her hand, just as Derek. Both take a sip and exchange a long glance into each others eyes.

。・°°・•・°°・。

"Oh of course your notes were more complete than mine!" They both laugh, sitting next to each other in the kitchen table, going through their medical school notebooks. "'_Do you think he is into me?'_" He quotes from the random page they found that was filled with an Addison and Naomi conversation.

"I was crazy for you and that craziness made me insecure, you can't make fun of me." She says, sipping her beer and laughing along with Derek. "I was so in love with you." She says, looking down at the stupid conversation.

It felt like a punch to the stomach. They used to be so many things and used to feel and be so much. They loved each other, but they clearly screwed up.

"'_I don't think I will go out with him. He probably is looking forward winning some bet._' Addison, did you really think that?" He chuckled.

She scoffs, "Not really, I was just looking for more excuses to say no to your charms." She laughs, turning the page.

"I don't think your excuses worked out so well." Derek laughs.

She shook her head, "No, they didn't… You were too amazing to not pay attention to you. Well, still are. You're becoming an old man but you still have your charms."

"Aw, you look nice too." He joked.

"It's so strange to even think that back then all I could think of my future was you and me and a bunch of kids playing around." Addison said, running a hand through her hair.

"It is strange." He sighed, smiling a little at the stupid hearts and 'A and D' notes on each corner of every page.

"The younger version of us is probably hating us, don't you think?"

"I still hate myself about it sometimes." Derek said, closing the notebook and making social contact with his ex wife.

"Agh me too." She said, looking into his eyes, "I regret a lot."

"I do too. I've missed you."

"Don't."

"Don't what? Miss you?"

"No… I mean yes. Just don't tell me such thing. It's already been a pretty emotional day."

"It has." He looked away for a couple of silent seconds but then he spoke once again, "I just think you should know I loved you. I still do. There's a piece of me that will never be able to change that and I'll probably die feeling this way, but I just want you to know that I love you and I still hate myself for letting you go."

"Derek…"

"I can't bring myself to forgive me for that. I should have never let you go." He said, taking her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

She looked down at their united hands and then looked up into his blue eyes, "I can't either. I wish I had been brave enough to fight for you."

"I love you Addie."

"I love you… always have, always will."


	9. Nine Voicemails

_I'm currently re-watching Grey's Anatomy and when I watched this episode I knew I had to write a one shot or some shit. Anyway thank you for reading my crap._

…..

"Allison." He repeats, not sure why. He just says it and looks down to the unconscious woman's face. It's strange, because he swears he heard _Addison _instead of Allison.

Addison such as the woman he had met in med school and he had married about eleven years ago, Addison, such as the woman who he imagined carrying his children and whom he used to share a bed with. Addison… the woman who had caught his heart many moons ago and also had broken it in a billion pieces. Addison, the love of his life.

He blinks, and tries not to have the imagine of her sad and regretful eyes, and he wishes his mind could stop playing the audio of that rainy night in New York when she screamed and begged him to listen to her, somewhere deep down him as much as he wants to erase that night, he also can't stop thinking about it.

How can he not think about that moment when the name keeps popping up into his mind?

Wasn't 'Allison' one of the many names he and Addison had selected out of a baby names book once a couple of years ago? Yes it was. He had teased her the names were too similar, people would get confused.

_Imagine people asking who's the baby and who's the wife, Addison. 'Is Allison the wife of the baby, doctor Shepherd?' _He would tease her.

He knows his mind should be on his actual patient, but his thoughts are focused on her, who is many miles away. Who he hasn't heard of in a while because he found a way to send her straight to voicemail without having to pulse a button every time her cell called.

It's inevitable to feel the guilt, the pain, the hate, the love and the sadness built up deep inside him and make his stomach roll. It's too damn inevitable his breath catches on his throat for just a second until he's pulled back to reality by Preston Burke his colleague and friend-enemy.

Derek smiles at him, trying to assure he's alright, but he's not.

Later that night he's sitting on the bed inside his trailer, the rain falling against that piece of metal he calls home, and the loneliness feels as cold as it has felt for the past six weeks he's been living here.

Addison would hate the trailer.

Addison would hate Seattle, as well.

Who loves Seattle anyway?

Sure, they have ferryboats, they have beautiful women, they have great hospitals with great surgeons inside them and gorgeous twelve year old interns, but they don't have the woman he truly loves and desires, and the hospitals do not contain a double board certified neonatal surgeon who happened to have the most beautiful smile in the whole world.

Of course the blonde intern was pretty. She was sweet and sort of an aphrodisiac, but it was temporal. It was too fresh and new for him, still he liked the chase, he liked the adrenaline of it.

As for Addison? She was so magnificent she couldn't be compared to any kind of greek quality, except perfection. He did miss the lust he felt whenever around her perfect figure, and the way she could make him go crazy.

He missed her, that's for sure. But his heart was still broken into those billion of pieces and he wished he wouldn't have been dealing with such pain and sadness at that moment, because he has had a long and hard day, and having thoughts about her is not something he wanted to experience.

What if she wasn't okay? What if the Allison case meant something, like some sort of call from the universe to check on his wife? What if…?

Tonight he decides that letting her calls go to voicemail once again is not worth it, which is why he decides he's going to listen to them and think about them.

'You have nine messages', his blackberry said, and afterwards it beeped as it always does.

Her desperate crying and begging him to come home kept on reciprocating during the whole nine messages, and it felt like nine punches to his stomach each time she said she was sorry. He had married a strong woman who rarely apologized for being human, but now? Now she apologized more than once per message and the number kept increasing. Derek felt hurt and ashamed of being the one that had caused all these sorries to exist.

He lets his phone drop to his side, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

What the hell?! She slept with his former best friend anyway. But, _he_ was _there_. _Mark. _Something he hadn't done in a while: being _there_.

It felt strange to even think about it. Think that he had caused everyone's sorrow and it as all his fault. Maybe the meaning of 'here' was different that night, maybe his wife could have been on a similar place as Allison, his patient from today who had survived the hands of a horrible man. What if his Addison couldn't fight it? What if she was too vulnerable and weak to respond and fight back?

He knows he won't be able to go to sleep if he doesn't do it, so he grabs his blackberry and dials the so recognisable number. Eleven years of dialing the same number.

It rings and rings, and for a minute he thinks she's not going to pick up, but then her sweet voice is against his ear and his heart skips a beat. "Derek?!" She sounds desperate, broken, like she had been crying, a little groggy as well.

"Hello? Is it you Der? Please just tell me you're okay… I… I'm so sorry, Derek. Please forgive me." She said, her breathing as harsh as he remembered it always got when she was crying.

He opened his mouth but no words could come out, so he let out of the breath he had been holding and he heard as she sobbed on the other end of the line, probably hoping he would say something.

"Derek, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so, so, so sorry!" She cried, "It was a mistake, I messed up, I just… I'm deeply sorry. He was just here."

_He was there._

"Addie?" A voice behind her said, it was a female voice, that he could recognise. Probably one of his sisters. "Who's on the phone?"

Derek ran a hand through his hair, not knowing why he hadn't hang up yet.

"I think it's Derek. I don't know. I just…" She trailed off and then she took a deep breath, "Derek, I just know it's you and I know you're listening, so just… please know I love you and that I'm sorry. Wherever you are, hopefully you're alright. I… I'm sorry." She repeated.

His heart was being ripped apart once again at the noise of her sad voice and the harsh breaths, that meant she was having trouble breathing after all the crying. "Addison, just give me that." The other woman said and apparently took the phone, "Derek, we are all worried about you, please come home. We're concerned and we miss you, just.. come home."

It was Nancy, it was clearly her.

He hated how her voice and those words sounded together, because it reminded him of all the voicemails he had gotten the past three years for family dinners which he tried his best to skip just to work and work and cut someone's skull open and then do it again and again while his wife, family and friends were having a good time and waiting for him.

"Nancy..." Derek let out somehow.

His sister groaned, "Derek, she won't eat, she won't sleep. All she does is cry and call you, cry and call, cry and call… nonstop! Grow a pair and come back here. We all mess up, you out of everyone should know that, but running away? For real?!"

"I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't." That's all his voice can say, and even if his eyes start to get glassy of just thinking of the image of his wife curled into a ball and with ruined mascara all over her cheeks, he couldn't come back there or think straight.

His sister sighed heavily and spoke, "Whatever. I know you'll come back with your tail between your legs sooner or later, asking for forgiveness after disappearing. I know it. And you know I'm always right. If you're going to call to just hear her cry on the phone, don't call next time." Nancy said, firmly.

"Where is he anyway?" Derek asked.

"I've been taking care of Addie and I haven't seen him in a month, so I don't know. I assume he's working, do you want me to call his assistant?" Her sarcasm responded.

Derek sighed and hang up the call, filled with mixed feelings.

He didn't know what to do. He had a family and friends, he had a life in Manhattan. Yes, _had_. But it was a life, and it had its perks. Here? He only has a job and a young intern who tries to avoid him, a colleague who's starting to hate him, a resident that doesn't like him, and a confused Richard that must be wondering where's his wife or what happened between them.

His anger and pain increase as he keeps thinking and repeating her words on his mind.

_Please know I love you and that I'm sorry._

Did he still love her? Of course he did. Maybe they had broken the vows, but the love was there and so was the history. It felt like a big wound all over his body, a wound no surgeon or God could heal, except her.

If only he had realized at first when he started not to show up, If only he had been considerate enough to let her speak that night, hear her out instead of throwing her clothes outside meanwhile the pouring rain kept falling onto the streets of New York.

They had hurt each other so many times it was depressing. But he had to hear her speak again and maybe he would say something, after all he was truly himself with her and vise versa.

He dialed the number again and spoke first when he heard her heavy breathing at the other end of the call, "Addie. I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't stay. I love you but this is not okay… What you did…"

He trailed off because the tears threatening to fall had caught his attention, and then she spoke; "I understand that you hate me and if I were you I would hate me too. But please… just please understand it was a mistake and that I never wanted to hurt you. I was alone and desperate and I needed someone. He was there. He was just there." Her shaky voice repeated.

Derek pursed his lips and closed his eyes, feeling how a single tear slipped through his skin, "Were you drunk?"

But she couldn't answer, because she started crying again, "Addison!" He called, raising his voice a little.

"I had a glass of wine, but we both know I would have been sober anyway." She sighed heavily.

He breathed and spoke; "I can't come back. At least not now."

"Will you ever come back?"

"I don't know, Addison. Just… I don't know."

They both turned silent and heard each other's breathing, but when his pager sounded, he had to hang up and curse the universe from screwing up that moment.

Every fiber of him wanted to hold her in his arms and ask for forgiveness himself, but then the hate and the pain was back inside him, and as much as he loved her, he couldn't forgivw her just yet.


	10. A Fool

sets on addison's visit on season 4!

/

He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. It's another depressing night in the rainy Seattle, but it's certainly different from the other ones. He's locked inside his metal home, staring at his ex wife. He's dating that cute nurse and he thought he could work it out with Meredith, but now? Now he is trapped during a thunderstorm and all he can do is stare at her and her darker hair falling on her shoulders.

She takes a deep breath and looks into his eyes, that look somehow sad. "I should be on a plane right now, you know?" Addison sighs softly and stands up from the kitchen counter where she had been sitting at. "I should be on my way back home, I should definitely _not_ be in here with you."

"Home? That's how you call it?" Derek says, teasing tone.

"At least it's a better home than this… thing." Addison gestures to her surroundings.

He has the nerve to scoff at her and stand up from the edge of the bed, "You come here and ask me to let you in so we can speak, I offer you dry clothing and then you just sit there and not say a word. Ah! but then, just then, you start being mean!"

She hugs herself and plays with the fabric of his 'The Clash' shirt, that also happens to be his favorite band, one of the many things she knows about him, "Sorry." She mumbled softly.

Derek approaches towards her, but not her exactly, he just _really _needs to pour himself a drink, but she's in the way to the liquor, so he stares at her sad eyes and knows whatever that is going on with her, must be something big.

"I… Today when I saw you and I… I was all huggy and claiming to be 'zen' and all of that…"

"I know that's crap, Addison. You don't have to convince me like you did with everybody else." Derek says, both hands resting on his hips.

"Well that's precisely why I'm here." Addison says firmly and a little harsh, but still calm enough, "I spent the whole day inside that damned hospital and all that I could think of was what if I had given you another chance when you came to my hotel room that night, what if Mark hadn't been there?" She looks at him in the eye and notices that he had wondered the same for a long time now.

Derek sighs and looks away, "I don't know, Addison. I just know that we kept on making each other miserable." He shrugs and sits down on the edge of the bed again, starting to feel knots forming inside his stomach.

"That night though…" She walks closer and sits next to him slowly, scanning his behavior before finally letting her weight on the mattress, her eyes are fixed on him, waiting for a reciprocated glance, "... _that_ night you were being sincere and you meant what you said, until…"

"Mark appeared miraculously giving me a lovely souvenir to have from our failed marriage?" He cut her off and looks into her deep blue greenish eyes, that showed melancholy and some sort of dark sadness that he had forgotten what it was.

"Kind of, yeah." She nods at him and after that brushes a strand of her behind her ear and lets out a soft chuckle, "I really did screw up, huh?" Addison looks away and takes a deep breath.

"We both did." He says and grabs her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, "I'm sorry, Addison. I was a lousy husband."

She chuckles at the term 'lousy' and shoots him a smirk with a content look, "I'm sorry too, for being a lousy wife as well." Addison says and squeezes his hand back.

He mirrored her smile and shook his head, "You weren't as lousy as you think you were. You were an amazing wife. _i_, on the other hand, was not enough."

Addison scoffs, "Oh, shut up! You're freaking McDreamy! You were enough and you will always be enough."

"I was not and you know it." He says firmly.

They just sit in there for a few minutes, in silence. Their hands still touching, skin against skin. It's bringing them both such a nostalgic but beautiful feeling they both would like to let linger for a while longer, but before he realizes what he's doing, he's kissing the back of her hand and his eyes are meeting with hers again, showing emotion and regret.

"You were caring, kind. You truly tried your very best, you truly loved me, Addison. You're so compassionate you always end up hurt."

"Derek… I…" She stands up and lets go of his hand, "Maybe I should just get myself a place to stay and get another fly to LA for tomorrow because I… I have work and a life over there." She rambles and looks around, catching the images of her still not dry clothes.

Derek just looks at her and waits for her flipout to end.

Finally, she takes a deep breath and sits on the kitchen counter again, looking down. When he had kissed her hand, their faces were inches apart and she could feel the impulsion building up inside her, the desire and the love screaming at her to unite her lips with his, but somehow she could resist him.

"I really should go." Addison says and stands up from the kitchen counter once again.

"Don't be ridiculous, it's raining and all your clothes are damp." He says, smiling softly at her nervous self.

She opens her mouth to speak but the sound of a thunder shuts her up and makes her shiver. Trapped: that's what she is. Completely trapped inside of an ugly trailer with her ex husband and the smell of him, while outside there's mud and thunders and nonstop rain.

"I hate this trailer," She murmurs and runs a hand through her hair, "Just… ignore whatever I said. I didn't say a thing." Addison says, sighing heavily.

"Addison…"

"I was never here, I never told you anything, we're just a couple of divorcees inside a metal thing in the middle of the nowhere and it's alright, totally normal." Addison rambles.

They both shut up and then they realize it, this is practically the night she cheated on him with Mark; the rain, their pained faces, the regret and deep affection.

"It seems like we're going to have to stay here for a while, so you might want to get comfortable." Derek advices and stands up for that drink he had been craving.

Addison nods and sits down on her former side of the bed, closes her eyes and tries not to think of that night or the fact that she indeed screwed up. He pours himself a drink and pours Addison a drink as well, knowing this is not her ideal scenery and she's clearly not thrilled with it.

He walks back into the bedroom and clears his throat, catching her attention. Her eyes flutter open and she accepts the drink from Derek, after supping the malt scotch, she leaves the small glass on the miniature nightstand next to her.

'How are Sam and Naomi?" He tries to create a conversation.

"Divorced, miserable, but besides that just fine."

"Divorced?! Wow." Derek says, surprised by what she tells him, and flops onto the free spot on the bed.

Addison nods mutely.

"I always imagined them lasting forever."

"So did I." Addison says softly.

"I guess things change with time and somehow there's no way to fix the damage throughout the years." Derek sighs and looks at her, who looks as depressed as he does. "I thought we were going to last forever too."

"Yeah, me too." She says softly and offers him a hand, which he grabs, "I thought you wanted Meredith, you know. I thought you guys were _it_."

"_It_? _It_ how?"

"Like you had finally found the one person to be with you forever." She says, not being able to face him because it would hurt her deeply.

He scoffs and looks up to the ceiling, water falling on the clear ceiling as he speaks; "I don't like to admit this, but I was wrong."

"You?! Derek Shepherd, wrong?" She laughs at him for a little while and he joins the laughter as well. "If it makes you feel better, I'm wrong most of the times too."

"We are flawed." He concedes.

"We are… and you have a God complex, so… you're way more flawed than me."

"You have a shoe collection, Addison. What's sicker, the God complex or the shoe addiction?"

"The God complex!" She chuckles and looks at him in the eye.

"There is no way!"

"Just shut up, Derek." She says, trying to hide a smirk.

Derek sighs, "I do think about those 'what ifs' sometimes. I think we would still be together If I hadn't been such an ass that night."

"You were in love, we all do stupid things when we're in love, even if that hurts someone else."

"Were you in love with Mark?"

The question makes her shiver, she never thought that she was in love, she certainly felt affection for Mark, but was she _in love_?

"I don't really know." Addison says, frowning a little as she usually does, "I think I was in love with not being left alone, to have someone's attention. So yeah, he provided those things so I think I was in love, even if it wasn't a forever lasting sort of love."

"Time machines." Suddenly he says.

She chuckles, "huh?"

"I would invert all my money on time machines, just to change things, or to experience happier times." Derek daydreams and giggles a little at the stupidity that came with that phrase.

"I want one too, maybe I could go back to 2001 and yell a little more at you." She nudges at him and keeps looking up at the ceiling.

"I would go back to 1994." He says and hears her breath catch inside her throat.

"That was a good year." Addison says.

"It really was."

"Wanna hear something funny?" Her voice sounds sort of overwhelmed and then they are looking at each other's eyes.

"A joke?"

"No, just a sad reality."

"About…?"

"I'm barren! I'm a double board neonatal surgeon and an OB/GYN but I can't have children." She shrugs as much as she can while her back is still against the mattress.

"You're kidding." He says.

"I am not. After our divorce, when I first went to LA, I had some test done and found out I can't procreate."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Derek jokes, "Your mother would blame me for that."

"That she would. How come in eleven years the only thing closest to a child was a late period?! Not even a pregnancy test."

They both laugh at that, together. Like in the old times.

"And we were really good in bed."

"Oh, that's for sure." Addison agrees. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we had any kids? I mean, besides the chaos of hormones I would have been."

"Yeah I've wondered. I always imagined us with three, two boys and a girl."

"I imagined us with two actually, older brother and younger sister, like me and Archer."

"They would have been trouble makers."

"Oh, that's for sure."

"I'm sorry I never gave you that."

"You know it's not your fault, maybe it's mine for… forcing you to be careful."

"I still hear you screaming at me, '_no glove, no love! No glove, no love, Derek!'_" He mocks her voice and makes her laugh. She hits his arm playfully and smiles at him.

"Talking about love… Mark mentioned the nurse hasn't given it to you."

"Oh he shouldn't have said a word." Derek rolls his eyes.

"So you and this nurse, is it serious?"

He sighs, "I don't really know. She's loving and sweet… kind."

"She's loving, sweet and kind, but do you see yourself with her?"

"I don't know, Addison. I'm barely dating her."

"That sounds so young… _dating_."

"Yeah it does."

"This place still smells like wet dog though." She snorts.

"You're mean."

"I know." She turns around and rests her cheek against the pillow, closing her eyes.

He looks at her as she starts to fall into a deep sleep but then another thunder strikes and she opens her eyes at the sound, finding his blue ones staring at her.

"Don't stare like that."

"I wasn't staring."

"You were."

/

this is random and it was somewhere hidden in my drafts so… enjoy the fluff


	11. Niagara Falls

_Somehow I managed to write a one shot… weird huh? Anyway, laugh with me pls._

* * *

"Hey honey!" Addison yelled as she entered her house, her husband behind her.

"Hello parents." Their daughter greeted, using that imitation of british accent that was part of her charm, she went down the stairs fast and hugged her father, then kissed her mom's cheek. "Long day at work?"

Addison sighed, closing the door and taking off her coat, just as her husband was doing, "It was, and you know what's also been too long lasting? The british accent."

"What?! No. It 's amazing." Claire exclaimed, surprised by her mother's comment.

"Addison, you can't ask her to quit the british accent." Derek supported her daughter, kissing her daughter's cheek.

"Exactly, thanks dad." The redhead kid said.

Addison took off her heels and scoffed, "I rather have the italian one back."

"Italian? Don't you mean french?" Derek asked, walking towards the kitchen, his daughter next to him.

"Whatever, I just think it's time to change accent." Addison exclaimed from the entryway, grabbing the pair of shoes she had just taken off and going upstairs to their bedroom.

"Don't hear her, she's just jealous you can perform a better accent." Derek said nicely, winking an eye at her sixteen year old, which made her chuckle.

Claire was a good kid, certainly a well behaved one, had a little trouble with History and English class, but she managed and had amazing grades on everything else. She had nice friends and wasn't much of a party girl, she preferred to go out with friends to a mall or just chill at some place calm. She was an amazing tennis player, but of course she couldn't beat her mother on the tennis court.

"How was school?" Derek asked, "How was Nancy?"

"School was fine, a little boring. You know I hate sports season. And Auntie Nance seemed a bit tired, but still was sweet with me when I asked if she could give me some money for coffee."

"Sports season means exams season." Derek observed, pouring himself a glass of milk.

"Yup." She nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Then they heard her mother humming an unknown song as she went down the stairs, "First of all, why are you wearing my Yale sweatshirt?" She pointed at their daughter.

"It's comfortable. What's the second?" Claire said.

"Secondly...Where's the cat?" Addison asked, now her eyes on her husband.

"Oh you mean the imaginary cat we adopted a couple years ago?" Claire joked at first.

"Yeah, I think she's talking about… what was his name?" Derek followed his daughter's lead.

"Brownie." Claire said, nodding.

"Ah, Brownie." Derek nodded, as well.

"Ha, ha. Very funny. I meant the cat sweatshirt… a yellow one?"

"Mom what are you talking about?" Claire laughed.

"_Jessica's_ sweatshirt." Addison said, rolling her eyes dramatically.

"That makes more sense." Derek scoffs, almost not remembering that Liz's kids had been there last night, chasing around each other and singing happy birthday to him.

"I think it was in the closet down the hall." Claire said.

"Right, almost forgot." Addison nodded, and just when she was about to leave, her daughter spoke.

"Anyway there's a package that arrived when I came back from school."

"Which one?" Addison responded quickly, almost automatically, looking around.

"I left it at dad's office, it said 'blossom', or something like that."

Both adult Shepherd eyes widened, "Uh, thank- thank you for telling us it arrived." Derek said, awkwardly.

"Yeah… Uh, I'll get Jessica's sweatshirt, Liz is coming in five to pick it up. Um Derek, Niagara Falls?"

"Oh yeah, yeah." He nodded and watched her wife leave the kitchen.

Claire's face said it all: what the f*ck?!

Derek sighed and took another sip of his cold glass of milk, "So, honey. Tomorrow is Saturday. Are you doing anything? Going out? Studying somewhere that doesn't include the house?"

Her confused face turned in a little bit more confused although she felt she knew where this was going, "I don't know, I was going to study math in the privacy of my room." She said, her british accent present again.

He smiled a little because of the british accent, but kept himself from changing the theme, "Why don't you go to Alice's house to study? And after that you guys could have some sort of… pajama festive thing!"

"A sleepover?" She laughed.

"Exactly." Derek nodded, pointing a finger at her.

"Um, I don't know. She's been weird lately. I don't wanna ask if I can hang with her." Claire sat down on a chair at the kitchen aisle.

"What about Sophie?"

"Her parents are getting a divorce, remember? Her house is a battle court."

"Right, right. How about Will?"

"He is a male human being and has band rehearsal anyway." Claire said, her eyes narrowing, she had been told since she was 10 that boy friends were okay, but staying at a boy friend house or a _boyfriend_ house, was not a thing that was ever going to happen unless her parents were too drunk to allow it or she was older than 18.

"You could go to his band rehearsal!" Derek said, shrugging his shoulders.

She scoffed and tried hard not to roll her eyes, "Dad, how would I be able to study while he plays an electric guitar inside of his mom's basement."

"Right, right. Uh, do you know any nocturne libraries?"

"Why do you want me out of the house?" She said, raising an eyebrow, just like her mother.

"You know… you know… um… code word?" Derek cringed.

"Jesus, dad! We agreed to use the word '_elephant_' when you needed to… _do _that."

"I'm sorry, I had forgotten the code word."

"So now it's Niagara Falls _again_?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry." Addison said as she entered back into the kitchen.

"You know, my friends _and_ people my age don't have to deal with learning code words so I don't have to be traumatized by my parents screaming in the middle of the night. They usually deal with their parents having weird hobbies like painting frogs on curtains."

"That is bizarre." Addison cuts in.

"Another thing that is bizarre is how this month there has been three different code words… Can't you guys… I don't know… _Do _it elsewhere? Better yet, not tell me about it all the time and just go out like a normal couple, enjoy a fancy dinner, talk about bones and blood and then do whatever you like to do without having to make me imagine things I don't want to imagine?!"

Addison scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest, "Honey, you shouldn't be this uncomfortable about sex."

"Addison." Derek's eyes widened and he made a look at her, obviously surprised she just mentioned that word; loud and clear.

"What?! I'm an OB-GYN, it's my job to know the word and the meaning of it. So, yes, Claire, our father and I have sex."

"Mom!" Claire exclaimed, covering her face with her palms.

Derek did the same and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a long conversation.

"So what?! We enjoy sex, sex is a thing, sex is a part of the human life unless you are asexual…"

"Mom, could you not say that word?"

"You don't have to be embarrassed, you'll enjoy sex too. What am I saying, maybe you already do." Addison shrugged her shoulders, locking eyes with her only daughter, who was feeling embarrassed, clearly.

"Mom!"

"I've seen the look Will gives you."

"God, mom. No, okay? No. I'm not having this conversation. And for the record I haven't done _it_. I will go upstairs and act like I wasn't here, I will call aunt Amy and I will book a hotel far away from here for you to… use whatever that 'blossom' thing it is. And Happy Birthday dad."

"It's tomorrow." Derek says, his tone above a whisper.

"I know, but tomorrow you both will be somewhere else, somewhere far away from me." Their daughter said and walked out of the kitchen.

"She gets that from you, you know?" Derek said.

"What?"

"The bossiness."

She hit him playfully on the arm, "Hey!" He protested, "That's how you treat the birthday boy?"

"You said it yourself, it's not your birthday yet." She smiled and walked out of the kitchen as well.

* * *

"Derek", she whispered in the dark, moving slightly so she could look at him.

"Hmm?" He responded, groggy, barely awake, his eyes closed.

"Am I a bad mother?" She asked him, her eyes completely open, looking to the figure of her husband, who was lying next to her.

"No." He said, yawning.

She moved closer to her husband, "You mean that? I just… I feel like I'm becoming my mother."

He cuddled her closer to his chest, "You're nothing like your mother." He said, his voice sounding less sleepy than before, and his thumb was caressing her shoulder, somehow giving her enough comfort to close her eyes, feeling peaceful.

She took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and kept on talking, "I come home after a busy week, a week that I've barely seen my kid, and I decide to push her away even further because of my sexual needs? Sounds like Bizzy."

"It doesn't." Derek says, locking eyes with her, being able to see the concern on hers, even if the lightning that was produced by street lights was bad, but enough to see her.

"It does!", Addison said, unfolding herself from his arms, sitting up in bed, "It's like I only care about me and not her, and I want to be there, but I have to work and I also am a wife and mother and aunt and… it's overwhelming."

He sighed, now he was completely awake, looking up to his wife, who had to choose this time and hour to have a flip out about her motherhood, "You are nothing like your mother, Addie.", he said, sitting up just like Addison had just done and he moved a little closer to her, letting one of his hands rest on her thigh, caressing softly, "You do care for Claire, you pay attention, you ask… You even considered quitting your career so you could stay home and take care of her. That makes you an awesome mom. Everything you do makes you an awesome mom."

"I love you." She said, the corners of her mouth turning into a small lip-closed smile. She rested her head against his shoulder, letting out a breath she hadn't realise she was holding.

"I love you too. And Clairy loves you no matter what."

"Aw, I haven't heard you say _Clairy _in so long." She said, grabbing the hand he had been resting on her thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I miss using that nickname on her."

"Ah, I wish she was a baby again, we could cuddle her nonstop. Now I can't even hug her." Addison said, bringing their united hands to her lips, so she could kiss the back of his hand.

"I do think we should be less open about… sex, with her. She 's a kid."

"Maybe we are too open about that, true. Should we like… go to a therapist or something?" Addison asked, her voice turning into 'alarming-momma-bear', as Mark would describe it.

He chuckled, "Addison why do you always think a therapist could fix all of our problems?!"

"That's the only thing my parents ever did for me besides paying for my education."

"Right…" He nodded.

"Should we go to the hotel tomorrow? I mean, it is your birthday. We could spend it like the old times, the three of us watching a movie or going somewhere to eat. Like when Claire was a toddler and we still worked at our practices." Addison said, rambling a little, but making herself understandable; he would always be able to read in between her rambles.

"We could do that, and then try the… blossom thing." Derek said, trying his best not to smirk.

Having intercourse had never been a problem for them, but they of course wanted to try new things, maybe have something left to surprise each other with, and when they thought they had seen it all… Addison was reminded of her 'masturbation-phobia', as Derek and Savvy would describe it… so she thought maybe she would face that fear with Derek and an extra friend she had bought on the internet.

"That's not gonna work." She shook her head.

"Why?!", He whined, "It's supposed to be my birthday gift."

"We've talked about this already. If we don't go to the hotel, she's going to be here too, and you know I can't keep my mouth shut when… we do stuff."

"Oh, now it's called 'doing stuff', but downstairs it was straight up _sex_." He said, scoffing, clearly making her feel annoyed.

"Shut up." She groaned, "So, should we do what I told you? You can decide though."

"Hmm, yeah I'd like a family dinner. Just the three of us. I miss that."

Addison nodded and pecked his lips, "I'll go ask her."

* * *

The door to her daughter's room was slightly open, the light was on and Addison decided to knock slightly on the door, "Anyone there?" Addison asked, opening the door properly, spotting her daughter on her bed, laptop on her lap, books opened and all around, she even had her reading glasses on, but she was soundly asleep. Addison stared in awe; she looked so cute asleep.

Slowly she took the laptop from her lap and placed it on her nightstand, careful not to make any noise that would wake her up, when she turned to remove her daughter's glasses, she saw how Claire slowly opened her eyes and took off her glasses, handing them to her mom.

Addison grabbed the glasses and placed them on top of the laptop, "I think you're done studying for today."

Claire nodded, yawning, she stood up from her bed slowly and went inside of her bathroom; When she returned Addison had cleared up a little, and had opened the bed for her to go to sleep. Claire smiled and muttered a 'thank you' to her mother before climbing into bed.

"Sweetheart, I spoke to your dad, and we would like to celebrate all together tomorrow. We miss doing things all together. We miss you. _I_ miss you." Addison said softly, sitting on the edge of her daughter's bed, looking down at her sleepy face that was conscious still, for now.

Claire nodded slightly, "That would be fun, I've missed you too." She said, adding a small lip-closed smile, "And then you guys will stay at the hotel and I'll have a girls night with aunt Amy."

"If that's what you want, we'll do that. But if you want us to stay, we won't do anything… sexual."

Claire groaned, "Mom, just go with dad, alright? We'll spend Sunday together, maybe you can help me memorize all about the atom for chemistry."

"Deal." Addison nodded, "And honey, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Okay?"

"I know mom." She rolled her eyes, staring at her mother, "Good night."

"Good night." Addison said softly, kissing her daughter's forehead.

Addison stood up and turned off the light, then when she was about to leave her daughter's room, a small voice called for her, "Mom…"

"Yes?" She turned around, finding those little puppy eyes that she had missed so much.

"Would you tuck me in like when I was a kid?" Her daughter's sweet voice said, which made Addison's heart melt.

Addison nodded mutely and went right back to her daughter's side, got the covers around her and secured them, like if her kid was a human burrito. "Thank you, mommy." Claire whispered before she drifted off to sleep.

Addison smiled, her chest warm from all the love and the way her sixteen-year-old called her 'mommy', it certainly wasn't a recent nickname for Addison. She kissed her daughter's forehead again and went back to her room, where she found his spouse asleep as well.

She chuckled and got back in bed, feeling so full of love.

* * *

"Happy birthday," Addison said, staring at her husband as he stirred after waking up, Addison's small smile making his day already better.

"Thank you," He said, rubbing his eyes, adjusting to the light.

Addison started kissing his jaw up to the back of his ear, he chuckled at the feeling, both exciting and ticklish, Derek found the way to kiss her fully on the lips, which she did as well, adding a bit of a salvage grip onto him, obviously pulling him closer… until a loud knock stopped them from going any further.

"Hello, It's me, your daughter. Whatever you are doing or not doing in there, I will count to three and then open the door." Claire said loudly from the other side of the door.

Derek and Addison separated from each other, "You can come in!" Addison yelled back.

Claire entered her parents bedroom with a cupcake, that had a small birthday candle with a question mark, "Happy birthday, papa!" She said, her best imitation of an australian accent, which was as well Derek's favorite accent imitation from his daughter.

He smiled, "Thank you, Clairy." Derek chuckled.

Claire rolled her eyes but kept her smile on, she sat on the end of the bed, "You've got to make your birthday wishes, sir." She said, still using the australian accent.

Derek blew the candle right away.

"Hey, your birthday wishes!" Addison reclaimed.

Derek grabbed the cupcake from his daughter's hands and scoffed, "I don't have any wishes, all my dreams are come true."

"You could have asked for mom to let you have a motorcycle again."

"Dammit." Derek cursed, making Addison and Claire giggle.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Claire said, directing her words to her mother, "...um, the neighbor's dog is in our backyard again."

"Dammit!" Addison cursed this time, getting her robe and slippers fast, leaving to get the dog off of her yard.

"Poor Arlo." Derek said, chuckling along Claire, giving a bite to his birthday cupcake.

* * *

Addison smiled charmingly at the young man from the restaurant, "Reservation for Shepherd." The redhead said politely.

"Shephard, table for seven?" The young man asked.

Addison sighed.

"Oh man." Claire commented to her father.

Addison shook her head, and entered the little desk place so she could be next to the young man, herself reading the chart with all the reservations, "No, no. It's _Shepherd_, with all E's. See? Table for _three_." Addison pointed at her last name that was clearly well written on the paper.

He nodded, nervously, "Alright Ma'am, could you please not… stand here. You're not supposed to be back here. If my boss sees-"

"I get it, Steve." Addison said, getting out of there.

Claire was trying her best not to burst into laughter.

They got their table and Addison obviously had to make a comment about what had happened just a couple minutes ago; to which Claire and Derek chuckled, staring at Addison with an apologizing look.

The Shepherds ordered their drinks and food, even the whole restaurant sang happy birthday, and even if Addison hated that kind of cheesy thing, she was clearly full of joy, happy to be with her family.

"Remember that one time you were fixing the security cameras on the roof at the Hamptons house and you didn't tell mom you were going to do it so she started panicking and attacked you with the water hose after she called the cops…" Claire giggled as they made their way to their parking spot.

"Oh God, don't remind me." Derek said, running a hand through his hair, "I'm pretty sure I had nightmares about that occasion."

"I still feel sorry about that." Addison chuckled, "That was a chaotic summer."

"It was!" Derek agreed as they climbed inside the car.

They dropped Claire at the brownstone, watched as she came inside the house and then Amy came out to talk to Derek, of course.

"Happy Birthday big brother!" Amy said, smiling at him through the opened window on Addison's side of the car, "You two look cute, huh. How's forty-five treating you?"

Addison chuckled.

Derek rolled his eyes, "So good so far, until now."

"Well, I'll take care of your girl, we will definitely watch some Ryan Gosling movies and Mom offered to stop by later, so don't worry about it."

"Thank you, Amy." Addison said, smiling gratefully at her sister in law.

Amelia smiled at both, "My pleasure. Now, you better go. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Addison tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Shepherd. All E's. When I spoke to the other lady she said we would stay at some sort of suite…"

"Yes, here it is." The man nodded, smiling. He turned around and gave them their key to the room.

"Also, would you please send champagne to our room?"

Derek chuckled as they went inside the elevator, "For real, what's with the Shephards with A's?!" Addison said.

"I don't know, to be honest I don't know." He said.

As the elevator doors closed, Derek stared at his wife, who was staring down to the small box that had their guest inside.

"We can avoid using that though." Derek comments.

She looks up at him, "No, It's fine. I just don't know why I get so nervous or ashamed… It's normal."

"If it makes you feel better, this will be an unforgettable birthday."

"It does. It really does." She nodded, moving closer enough to kiss his lips.

He stopped the kiss, "Addie…"

When he first asked her '_Would you ever be into me using a vibrator on you? I think it would be really hot_.' She had laughed at him, she had even almost choked out of breath, thinking it was some sort of joke. But then with the time the idea stuck on her head. And after giving it some thought, she decided maybe they could try.

"Hm?" She asked, her eyes filled with lust from the kiss they had just shared.

He smirked a little, "You look beautiful tonight."

Addison chuckled softly, "And you look sexier than ever," She said, winking at him.

The doors of the elevator opened, they walked through the corridor until they found their room. Derek opened the door to their room, and moved so Addison could walk inside first.

After room service had arrived, they opened the bottle of champagne and shared a meaningful look, "Happy birthday." Addison said, holding her glass a little higher, of course wanting to make a toast, "Cheers."

"Cheers." He responded and clinked his glass against hers, both taking a sip of the liquid, without taking each other's eyes off, "Don't look at me like that."

She raised an eyebrow and left her glass on the coffee table nearby, "Like what?"

"Like it's our wedding night again and you can't stop smiling."

She snorted, "You wish," Addison said and grabbed his glass, leaving it next to hers on the coffee table.

"I swear, you have the eyes." He said, facing those eyes again when she looked into his. The greenish-blue eyes that had filled almost every single important moment in his life, the same ones that cried in front of him, that sparkled with love, joy, lust, excitement. The most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

Addison leaned closer to her husband, "Maybe I'm just as happy as that night."

Derek smiled brightly at his wife and leaned closer as well, his hand holding her jaw in place, both their lips were slightly parted, their eyes closer to be closed and their noses touching. The tension was cruel and for some sort of motive, they stood like that for a couple more seconds; maybe it was the anticipation, the rush, the desire or the adrenaline of the moment.

When his lips finally collided with hers, she grabbed his jaw as well, pulling him closer to her, running her other hand through his hair, gasping for air after a few seconds. Addison started kissing down his jaw to his neck, unbuttoning his shirt, sliding her hands across his abdomen, her lips back on his, driving him crazy.

He stopped the kiss, looked right into her eyes and asked, "should we open the package?"

Addison couldn't hold the laughter, so she just laughed and nodded, "Alright."


	12. Chocolate Chips

_Hi gals! I posted a list of one-shot prompts on my twitter account and many people voted for this one to be written, hopefully you enjoy !_

* * *

Derek unlocked the door to their house, almost bumping into a cardboard box near the entrance, Addison was supposed to take those over to Kate's later, but apparently she didn't.

Derek sighed and smiled a little, now that Addison didn't take the boxes to Kate's and he did pick up the laundry, maybe he was going to get extra points or a reason to win an argument in the future, "Honey? I'm home!"

"Upstairs," Addison called. She didn't sound like she was thrilled, maybe she was still working on what she was going to give away for that charity Kate's kids school had been involved with. Most stuff inside their boxes were old clothes, books nobody read anymore, things like that.

Derek locked the door of their home and left his keys on the small plate on the table by the coat hanger.

As he went upstairs he realized there was no sound, no comments under his wife's breath as usual when she had to organize stuff around the house, actually there was uncomfortable silence.

"Picked up the laundry, made sure your blouses had no wrinkles as you requested." Derek said, his voice a bit raised, so she could hear him from their bedroom, "You didn't take the things to Kate's huh? Now who's the one that forgets things!" Before he could say another word and keep trying to strike a nerve on his wife, he opened the door to their bedroom and found her lying in a fetal position, her back to him.

She was wearing the 'uniform of sorrow' as he would like to call it. An outfit that he had only seen her wear when something was wrong or when she was extremely depressed and couldn't show human emotion.

"Addie, what's wrong?" He asked, his tone changed from previous playful to worried loving husband. He left the laundry he had just picked on the nearest sofa and looked at her, or at least what he could see of her, which was almost nothing.

She looked up just a bit, "Wrinkles," That's all she managed to say, watching Derek picking up the laundry as soon as he could and making sure they were wrinkle-free before getting them inside their closet. Her voice sounded small and bitter. He took off his shoes and walked towards their bed, finding Addison in what he feared was the Yale sweatshirt and his navy blue sweatpants that were oversized on her, making her look so small and fragile, _uniform of sorrow _indeed.

"Addie, what is it?" His eyes turned worried and he sat on the edge of the bed, her back still to him, not being able to see her face, just her red hair. Derek brung up a hand to rest on her knee, palming it gently.

"I don't feel so good," She managed to mutter, moving her head slowly to meet his eyes.

He felt so sad for her, seeing her like this, with those puffy eyes and her skin paler than usual, no signs of the smallest grin whatsoever, the cutest but also saddest pouty face he had ever seen, "Aw, do you have a fever? What is it? Where does it hurt?"

"Don't doctor me please," She groaned, sighing, going back to her fetal position.

Derek sighed, "Honey, come on," he caressed her knee again, "I just want to help you out."

He didn't receive a reply, at least not one with words, suddenly she rolled over, looking up to him with puppy eyes, like she was about to cry, and when she swallowed and a tear ran down her cheek, he leaned down and kissed her cheek, brushing her hair off her face, "That time of the month?"

"Mhm." Addison nodded, another tear running down her cheek. He felt horrible for not noticing that the date of her period was coming up, he used to remember all the time and make his schedule flexible and available for her.

Derek bit his lower lip, her sad eyes were definitely not his favorite thing to look at, probably one of the many things he hated so much it pained him as well, and now he was not only pained because she wasn't at her best, but because he hadn't realize.

"Come here," He opened his arms and helped her sit up properly, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her back in circles, trying to soothe her sobbing.

Addison groaned, inhaling sharply, "I bled on my skirt." She made eye contact with him, "My damn, perfect gray skirt," Addison lamented in between small sobs, now her forehead was resting against his shoulder, gripping onto her husband, clearly not feeling well, "And you weren't home and I couldn't reach you. You wouldn't answer, I had to send my intern to get me tampons. It was humiliating."

"At least Smith is nice with you."

She nodded her head no, and pursed her lips before speaking; "It wasn't Smith, it was Flemming." She cried, "I hate Flemming."

"Ah, I hate him too." He said, brushing her hair with his hands, kissing her cheek, "I'm sorry, honey."

She sniffed in between cries, "He's such a jerk, he didn't remember the brand I asked for and he got me the ones I don't like, Derek. I don't like them!"

"Shh, shh. You're alright. I'm sorry," Derek said, kissing the top of her head, feeling as her cries started to calm down, "Maybe you could try and get some sleep?"

"I don't feel like sleeping," Addison sniffed.

"Alright," He let out a breath, "If it makes you feel better, I got here later than expected because a squirrel got inside the car when I went to the dry cleaner. I couldn't get it out, I had to walk three blocks to get bagels as bait."

She giggled through muffled cries, "You're lying."

Derek giggled, "I'm not. Actually it scratched me, see?" He said, showing her the back of his hand, which did have a small fresh scratch, "You're probably going to see it in the news tonight."

Addison giggled again and then groaned all of the sudden, "Cramps?" Derek asked, looking into her pained eyes, her eyebrows narrowed in that way when she tried to resist pain. There was no need for an answer, with a look into her eyes he knew, "I'll call Savvy to let her know we're not making it to dinner."

"No, no. Don't cancel, we can still go, I'm alright. I'm fine." Addison said, un-hugging her husband to show strength.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Addison, we're not going."

"I'm okay! Let 's just go. I'll put on something that won't make me look bloated and makeup can make wonders!" Addison insisted.

Derek inhaled sharply, "No. This is not on the table for discussion, we're staying home and you're going to rest. You're clearly not fine."

"But I want to go," Her eyes turning glassy again, "I want to see Weiss and Savvy."

"Honey, we'll go another day, you're not feeling okay now," He said, trying to use his softest tone, brushing some strands of hair off her face, "Addie, on a scale from one to ten, how are you feeling. Ten being the worst."

"One," She challenged.

"Liar." Derek accused, still using a kind tone on her.

She sighed, "Fine, eight point seven," Addison rolled her eyes and dried a tear away from her cheek with her thumb.

Derek tilted his head to the side, "See? We're staying home. We can watch Doctor House and criticize how fake it is, you like doing that," Her husband suggested.

Addison groaned and rolled her eyes, "I hate you so much right now," The redhead sniffed.

"No you don't." He chuckled softly and pecked her lips, "We'll reschedule, Sav will understand. Please don't cry."

The redhead let out her bottom lip, and used her puppy eyes on him, "Why are you so mean to me?"

Derek ignored her comment and kissed her temple, caressing the back of her head, "Do you want me to get you something? Did you eat?"

She kept her mouth shut and looked up to his eyes, besides annoyance there was his answer.

"Honey, you should eat something."

Addison rolled her eyes dramatically.

"I know your schedule, you definitely had no time for lunch. Coffee in between surgeries doesn't count as a meal," He said, stroking her cheek, "I'll get you something to eat, alright?"

"Agh fine." She responded, a little less sassy than he expected. She allowed Derek to get her back on lying comfortably in bed.

"Need anything else?" He asked charmingly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

She nodded her head no, and when he stood up from bed, she yelped, victim of another cramp. Derek looked back at her before exiting the room, "bad one?"

Addison nodded slightly, bringing up a hand to her stomach, Derek groaned, not resisting on leaving her alone right now. He took off his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt, getting it off as well. He helped her out of the Yale sweatshirt, revealing his 'The Clash' t-shirt underneath it, instead of demanding as to why she was wearing his clothes again, he shut up and got behind her in bed, her being the small spoon.

Derek started rubbing circles on her tummy, "Does that help?"

"It does, thank you," Addison said softly.

Derek kissed the side of her neck and said, "I love you. So so much."

Addison didn't respond, just blushed and fought a smile.

"You're so beautiful."

She moved her head indicating a no, to which he replied, "yes. You are."

"Shut up."

"Never," He kissed her fully on the lips, softly, and then pecked her lips, seeing as she closed her eyes slowly and then her eyebrows frowned, another cramp taking over.

Addison let out a breath, "Ow. Ah, it hasn't been this bad in so long."

"I'll go get the heating pad." Derek decided, but as soon as his hand got off her skin, she looked back.

"No, that was good. Don't go. Just stay." Her shiny eyes begged for him to stay.

Derek nodded and went back to cuddling her and rubbing her stomach, "Still eight point nine?"

"Nine point three now," Her voice shaked a little.

He frowned, worried about her, "That bad?"

"Mhmm." She managed to softly mumble, grabbing hard onto a pillow, "I hate this."

"Me too. I hate it when you don't feel alright. Breaks my heart," Derek said nicely as he kept on rubbing her tummy and developing kisses on her cheeks, neck and the top of her head, trying to shower her with love and make her feel better.

After a while Addison let out a relieved breath and her hand grabbed the hand he had caressing her belly and guided them a little lower, just a few inches below her belly button, "Try to massage there, please?"

Derek did as told, "How is that?"

"Better. Thank you babe," Addison closed her eyes and gave in to Derek's magic touch, feeling her cramps intensity lowering and feeling more relaxed than before, "I'm still mad though."

Derek held a laugh, not wanting to start an argument as to why being mad at him was absurd, and kissed her neck a couple of times, "Number?"

"Seven."

"Just a seven?" He chuckled, loving how she would always be so specific.

"Mhmm."

Derek kept on massaging her. The sound of her relieved moans meant it was helping, "How about I cook you some blueberry pancakes and then prepare a warm bath for you."

"With extra blueberries?" She asked hopefully, making eye contact with her husband.

He smiled down at her, "Yes, with extra blueberries."

Her eyes sparkled, "How about chocolate chips?"

"I don't think we have those."

"But I want chocolate chips!" She pouted.

Derek smiled slightly down at her, "I'll go to the store and get you chocolate chips."

"But I don't want you to go," Addison kept on pouting and her eyes were turning glassy as earlier.

"Fine, I'll call Mark and he'll get them."

Her smile appeared on her features once again, "Yay, I like that idea. Extra chocolate chips?"

"Extra chocolate chips," He nodded.

"Are you going to join me in the bath?"

"Only if you want me to." Derek replied, kissing the tip of her nose.

She giggled and captured his lips with hers, surprising him, not giving him enough time to breathe, which caused him to pull away and cough, making Addison laugh, "Oh my God," she kept on laughing.

"It's not funny." Derek pursed his lips after calming down his coughing.

Addison grinned at him, trying not to keep laughing.

"You practically attacked my life, taking away my air? I could have died." Derek accused her with that 'grumpy smurf' face, as Addison would describe it.

"Aw, poor baby boy. You want me to call your mamma?" She teased him, brushing his hair with her hand, smiling.

"You're so mean," He said, smiling down at her, happy that he had helped her with her cramps, and strangely happy he choked on his wife's salive now that she was back on smiling.

Addison winked at him, "I have a right to be mean."

Derek rolled his eyes playfully, "I'll go call Savvy and then I'll fill the bath for you, k?"

"K." Addison nodded.

* * *

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" She tilted her head to the side.

Derek had brought her the pancakes to bed after she had gotten out of her long warm bath, just in time, "Like I'm the keeper of the chocolate chips."

"You are. More, please," She said, holding up a fork pointing in his direction.

For her luck, he indeed had brought the chocolate chips upstairs as well, he added more chocolate chips to her pancakes, "Better?"

"_So_ much better," She said, taking a bite of the pancakes he had specially cooked for her, "The banana slices were a nice touch though."

He smiled at her, looking so cute wrapped in that comfy robe, "I'm glad you liked it. How was your bath?"

"It was nice, how was Mark?"

"Annoyed, because apparently I interrupted his conquest."

Addison giggled, "I missed your pancakes," she said and then took another bite.

Derek stared at her for a couple of silent seconds and then proceeded to change from his undershirt and pants to something more comfortable.

When he came back, Addison was almost finished eating, he leaned and kissed her cheek, causing her to groan with a full mouth, "M EATN DREK!" Addison complained, sounding nonsense, her eyebrows furrowed, with her free hand she hit his arm a little bit more stronger than he expected.

"Ow!" He complained, "I was just trying to be nice," He clearly did not miss her mood swings.

"SH," That he could clearly understand from her full mouth, "Y DO U ALWAS TRYN TO BTHER M!?"

Derek let out a chuckle, "I don't understand a single word you're saying, honey."

She waited until she had swallowed to get back to him, but instead of talking she hit him with her fists, she had already left her fork aside, of course.

"Ow, Addison! Okay, Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He laughed.

"You're so annoying," She complained, hitting him one last time, a bit more playful than the others, she sighed, "I think I'd like the heating pad now."

"I'll get it for you, are you finished here?"

"Ah huh," Addison said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Derek went downstairs to get Addison a heating pad and leave the tray, which didn't take long, although he had forgotten to call Savvy. It was about to be six thirty, so he hurried to the phone and dialed their number, thank God Weiss responded, who immediately started begging Derek to hurry up and end the call.

When he was back she was curled up in a ball underneath the covers, she had changed into fresh pajamas and she looked tired, she had also drunk up the whole glass of water that had been on her nightstand before he left.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, walking towards her, he offered the heating pad.

"Eightish," Addison said, taking the heating pad from him, and getting comfortable, "Sorry for snapping at you."

"It's alright," He said, sitting down at the edge of the bed, "All that matters is you," Derek said, kissing her face, her giggling as he kept kissing her.

She grabbed him by the side of his face and brought him down to kiss her softly, "Thank you for taking care of me."

"No need to thank me."

"I'll give you a proper thank you when I feel better," Addison promised her husband, kissing him softly on the lips again, smiling as their lips parted, "Why did you take so long?"

"No reason, I washed the dishes," He smiled charmly, somehow getting away with such white lie, and as well now having to actually wash the dishes if he could get himself far from her.

"You're so pretty. Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?"

Derek raised her eyebrows, "_Pretty_?" He asked, causing Addison to roll her eyes dramatically, hating when he would criticize her vocabulary.

"Handsome, sexy, gorgeous, _pretty_. Yes, Derek. _Pretty_." Addison insisted, playing with his hair, "Your hair is pretty, your eyes… everything about you," The redhead giggled, giving him space to join in bed beside her.

He rolled his eyes, "I should be the one telling you how _pretty_ you are," Derek challenged.

She chuckled and got closer to her husband, snuggling on his chest, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You are very pretty too, you know? So beautiful, divine, perfect… I love all about you, your skin, your hair, your lips, your eyes. You are so stunning, so so sooo _pretty_," He looked down and heard her breathing calmer than usual, "Addie?"

Derek moved a little, trying to reach her eyes with his, but Addison groaned sleepily and changed her position, still snuggling, her eyes closed. He tried not to giggle at the sounds that would come out of her, she would still be pissed and annoying in her sleep somehow. He kissed the top of her head, happy she was finally getting some rest, hoping it would last and that the pain wouldn't wake her up later.

He caressed her hair and whispered to her ear, "I love you so much," Derek kissed the top of her head again.

She mumbled some sleepy nonsense and gripped onto Derek before drifting off to a deep sleep.

* * *

_let me know what you thought!_


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